We must pause and take heed. Death by bullying.

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   Ericdierkerposted 11 years ago

   What a horrible tragedy. How sad.
   http://www.foxnews.com/us/2013/10/15/gi … olice-say/
   
   Apparently this is pretty straight forward as to cause and effect of the two girl's actions.
   
   My sadness reaches to all three girls. But my anger is peaked at the damn parents who are so out of touch and neglectful of what is most important for their children.
   I will just bet the parents work hard to buy things.

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      Brenda Durhamposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, it's sad and horrible.
      I don't understand how girls that age can be so mean and uncaring.
      As far as parents' responsibility............we don't yet know much about that except that the article says the bullies' parents weren't very cooperative to the police..........?

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         Ericdierkerposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         I disagree with your suggestion that the girls could have carried on like this for a year with reasonable parenting.  I just do not buy that at all. Parents owe one duty, and that is to know what their children are up to. Ignorance and lack of action by a parent is culpable.

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            Brenda Durhamposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            Well, that may be.   For one thing, on many sites like Facebook,  I believe a user is supposed to be 18 years old in order to even have their own account.   However, I'm pretty sure there's no real proof required?   Or is there?   I think anyone can put in a different birth date....?     In which case, the parents may not have even known their kids were using those sites;   and they could've been using the library to access Facebook, or going to one girl's house when the parents weren't home...........
            
            I'm just asking, and wondering, trying to figure this out too.    Kids can do lots of things that parents don't know about.........

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      MarleneBposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Growing up, I was bullied at school. No one, not even my parents or the teachers who saw what was happening ever stepped in to help me. The bullies were never reprimanded. Nothing ever happened to them so they just kept on bullying.
      
      As an adult now, whenever I see bullying, I can't help but stand up and confront the bullies. I remember one occasion when a little girl was calling my daughter names. I went, with my daughter, to the little girl's house and talked to the little girl's mother. The mother talked to her daughter to help her daughter understand that bullying is wrong. After that, my daughter and the other girl became best friends and they are still friends today (33 years old now).
      
      But, that hasn't always been the case for others. A lot of parents really don't pay much attention to what their kids are doing, or they turn a blind eye. I wasn't extremely invasive into my children's lives, but I knew what they were up to at all times. If they "tried" to sneak around, I would know it. I'm not saying I had perfect kids; no I'm saying that I was aware of what they were doing. And, if my kids were bullies, I would find out and do something about it.
      
      My heart aches when I hear stories about how someone ended their life because they were being bullied and no one came to their rescue.

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         Ericdierkerposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         Wonderful Comment. I would like to add to those "on the fence" about standing up. Sure the mind races and conjures up all kinds of excuses and reasons not to. Sure we can make mistakes. And sure it sometimes costs us something.
         But I promise that the reward is just amazing. I know you would not do it for the reward --- but still, there is almost no better feeling than to protect another. We just look at Marlene's reward - Wow a life long friend for her child!! Way beyond what I imagine she could have dreamed up or asked for.

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            MarleneBposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            Yes, you are right, I never imagined the other little girl and my daughter would still be friends. The most I had hoped for at the time was that they would be able to get along at school.
            
            My experience with bullying left me with scars that are still quite sensitive. When my kids were young, I always took time to meet with the teachers. I asked the teachers to keep my children safe in their classroom. I told teachers that I wouldn't get all up in their business. I asked teachers to come to me if they saw my child being bullied. That's how I discovered when that little girl was calling my daughter names - the teacher called me. I was able to handle the matter appropriately and immediately.
            
            And, I know how people might feel intimidated when stepping up. Once, I was in the parking lot at a school basketball game. There were some teenage girls huddled around a tree next to the curb. I heard them saying some mean and nasty things to a teen they had surrounded. I walked up to the group and said, "Stop!" They were shocked and stopped talking. But, one of the girls challenged me saying, "You're not the boss of me." I said, "I know I'm not the boss of you, but I see you. I see what you're doing." With that, she grunted. Then, she and her little posse left the scene. The girl they were bullying stayed behind and thanked me. I don't know what happened beyond that moment, but I do know the teens were on their best behavior during the basketball game. Had I not stepped in, it might have been a really bad scene for the girl who was being bullied. At least, for that moment, the victim had some relief from the pain of being bullied.
            
            Through the years, I have learned that bullies don't like being watched, so stepping up is sometimes just a word or two spoken to the bully to let the bully know that you see what they are doing.

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               Ericdierkerposted 11 years agoin reply to this

               In 1995 I was back in my home town, I needed surgery to put a shunt in for chemotherapy. The anesthesiologist, started telling the nurse what a great guy I was. I strained and saw an old kindergarten through high school friend and we said howdy.
               Later I asked the nurse what all that praise from Chuck was about. She told me that during surgery he related how I got a broken nose because as I put it "well that son of bitch was going to hit Chuck so I hit his fist with my nose". It came back. That bully and I are also still friends.
               Life is good if we make it that way.

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                  MarleneBposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                  Oh, I love this story, Ericdierker. Yes, it does come back. And as you've experienced, when it comes back, it comes back in a truly wonderful and memorable way.

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      Rad Manposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      This is certainly a terrible needless loss of a young person. Part of the problem is these children are not adults with adult brains, Brains, especially the executive function part is not fully developed until 25 years old. So teenagers will make terrible decisions without their parents help. On of my boys was bullied all the way through grade school and each of the bullies has since walked up to him and apologized. An underdeveloped brain in a adult sized body without parental supervision is always a mistake. I caught one of my boys saying some not so nice things on FB a while back, I told him to delete the comment and asked him why he said it. He replied he hadn't thought it through and didn't think of the fact that the person he was speaking about may read it.
      
      I believe for FB one needs to be 13, but they don't check.

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   fivesensesposted 11 years ago

   Really sad....loss of such a young life.
   Bullying is rampant all over the world and kids need a greater support system and laws need to get stricter.

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   peeplesposted 11 years ago

   It is truly sad what happened. However, and I may seem cold hearted here, but what happened to the days of sucking it up? What happened to parents teaching children that this mess wasn't important? What happened to children growing through it and then growing up realizing that none of that bullying crap as a kid really meant anything was wrong with them?
   Am I the only person who thinks this has gotten to the point where everybody is required to be friends and that is too much? A child can't say they don't like another child without being called a bully. A child can't say they think another child's shoes are ugly without being called a bully. Yet these are things we as adults do and it doesn't make us bullies.
   I feel as if we are teaching children that someone not liking them means it's ok to feel sorry for themselves and that's irritating.
   We need to parent our children, all of them. Teach them that they are of value, that they are loved, that someone cares about them, that these childhood years will be over and life WILL go on, we need to focus on making ALL of our children feel valuable. Then maybe, just maybe, not so many children will bully to begin with and the children being bullied will know their own self worth and not be bothered by it.

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      Rad Manposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Complete ignorance. Do you think that someone told her they didn't like her shoes?

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      MarleneBposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      No, peeples. It's not cold-hearted at all. The point you make is truly important. Children need guidance to understand the concepts you mention. Parents need to do their part to help their children feel loved, valued, and appreciated. I don't think children are able to figure that out on their own. So, yes, parents need to step up their game and teach children the old saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me."
      
      Yes. We need more parental involvement. But, it's sad; many parents don't get involved as often as they should and children are left to fend for themselves without the tools they need to survive bullying tactics. A child doesn't have instinctive skills to discern everything right and wrong. They need responsible adults to help them figure it all out. If an adult doesn't step in to help them, then the result can be disastrous as the child tries to sort through it all on their own.

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         Rad Manposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         This view is cold hearted as it is a lack of compassion for the victims. You assume they (parents) did something wrong. It's like blaming the victim of a break and enter murder/rape for not baring the windows on her 20th floor apartment.

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            peeplesposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            The children who kill themselves are the actual victims, and maybe if their family made them feel appreciated, loved, valued, and wanted they would not kill themselves because of some bullying at school. If there was enough support at home do you really think this would happen? Did this level of suicide because of bullying happen back when there was almost always a stay at home parent? (not saying that a parent should stay home necessarily) You are comparing apples and oranges. Suicide CAN be prevented with the right support and guidance from family and friends.

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               Rad Manposted 11 years agoin reply to this

               You don't think the parents of a dead teenager are victims? And you don't think you are blaming them?
               
               "maybe if their family made them feel appreciated, loved, valued, and wanted they would not kill themselves"
               
               You have no idea what the parents did do you? You are blaming the family and friends, luckily you are not he police since they seem to understand who to blame.

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                  peeplesposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                  I'll ask the same question again, If there was enough support at home do you really think this would happen? Asking for more parental guidance does not negate the horrible things the bullies do, nor does it place all the blame on the parents.

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                     Rad Manposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                     Then why are you placing all the blame on the parents? Perhaps you can't comprehend this happening to you so you distance yourself and blame the parents without any knowledge of what the parents did or didn't do. There was a case a few years ago where a girl committed suicide even after the parents moved away and changed schools while the kids tracked her down and turned her new friends against her. An underdeveloped brain that wants the bullying to stop. One of my kids was bullied right through grade school. I did everything in my power to stop it, the bullies even contacted his freinds he made separate from school and turned those friends against him. But it wasn't until high school that it stopped. You have no idea what the parents of the victim did and yet you blame them and say nothing of the parents of the bullies or the bullies?

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                        peeplesposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                        You are right in the sense I didn't need to state the obvious. Let me quote myself from the previous comment since you missed it, "Then maybe, just maybe, not so many children will bully to begin with" I will agree to disagree and let you have last word if needed. I have seen bullying from many perspectives including watching my best friend kill himself at 12 years old and not be able to do anything to stop it. Yes I blame the parents, yes I blame the bully, and yes I blame the bully's parents. Overall though I believe if parents played more of a role neither the bullying or the suicide would happen nearly as much.

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                           Ericdierkerposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                           I think this lays out the three fold areas of great concern. I have no faith in any public(schools) entity being much help. And I add empowering children themselves to take action rather than suicide.
                           I had a daughter that suffered some ideology that was troubling she was immediately seen and treated at length. It went on for months before, but we would talk at least twice daily in depth in quiet. So we suffered together and got well together. This does not happen over night.

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