I'm finally admitting to myself that I am embarrassed about a couple of scenes I caused during a psychotic episode a couple of weeks ago. I AM embarrassed, even enough that I want to move out of town, where no one knows me.
I really freaked out during the peak of my episode, and called 911 at least four times in one week (to get help because I was scared of my delusions/hallucinations). During the worse part of it, I was in my yard with the police and medics. I asked to be arrested, I walked away from the cops when they told me to stay still, I kneeled down in the yard and was praying and begging people to repent because Jesus was coming, and it was the end of the world. This probably went on for a good ten minutes or maybe even 15, before they talked me into getting into the ambulance and on an IV with medication for anxiety. They were really cool to me, although I was freaking out and crying. I wasn't yelling or anything, just talking.
I know my neighbors had to have seen it. I live in a small town, a very small town, and I'm sure everyone has heard about it, because gossip spreads fast around here. However, no one's mentioned it, and my neighbors act normal around me. I haven't had any weird looks or anything. People already know I'm mentally ill, it's not a secret.
Still, I'm really embarrassed. Should I just grin and bear it?
This sounds pretty painful for you. I can imagine how you would feel, having called 911, and having all the emergency responders show up, and then having neighbors watch as your crisis unfolds. There's lots of positives in this story though. The emergency responders did show up, and they were helpful in getting you stabilized, so that, to me is the main thing. I say Good Work! And to h--- with nosey neighbors! Everybody's got some kind of drama going on. Hope you're feeling better.
Jane, there is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about, especially if you have a mental illness that most likely caused that episode. If your neighbors are decent people, they will understand.
The fact that you are now dealing with this issue is highly commendable, and no matter what your neighbors think about you now, they will certainly see the changes in you as we all can plainly see. I for one am very proud of you and very happy you are taking steps to remedy the situation, and I firmly believe your online friends and associates here share that sentiment.
Jane, you have changed dramatically this past while and it shows in very positive ways.
Kudos to you Jane!!!
Thank you, ATM.
I'm finally getting my life back.
EDIT: Such as, joining a program that helps schizophrenics find a job, and volunteering for my sister's son's baseball team. I want to rejoin the real world again.
More excellent and encouraging advice.
The embarrassment will fade and finally go as you realise that it wasn't such a big deal for other people, in fact probably very few will even be aware of it.
Moving will be far more traumatic than staying put and if you do move you'll find that you are still there!
Yeah. I guess I can't run away from myself.
Plus, there's no saying something like it won't happen again somewhere else. And I could end up in a place where people are more judgmental, compared to here.
You seem so fine now. Do these episodes flare up for a reason? If I were you I would figure out a way to prevent them. Is this possible? I certainly hope so.
You must stay in touch with your will. Maybe you are being forced in some way against your will… get in touch with yourself in present time. If I were you I would leave… if you have friends or family elsewhere, go… even if just for a change of scene for a while to get in touch with who you really are. Acknowledge your own hopes dreams and ambitions. Stop putting off being in touch with your true self. Take back your power and stop giving it away to U NO HOO!
I am schizoaffective and bipolar. They tend to flare up when I am manic (which I'm not currently). But, like schizophrenia, I could have an episode during non manic states as well. My condition is kind of like a mix of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, without some of the "negative" effects of schizophrenia. My new meds seem to be doing a good job for the most part, although I seem to be having a bit of trouble controlling the mania aspect. My doctor may or may not add a mood stabilizer depending on how I do in the upcoming weeks.
I feel great today.
Seriously, telling Jane to watch out for the bogey man is probably not a good idea. Even one of the faithful should be aware of that and steer clear of such things as sooner or later they will cause people to be hurt badly.
Questions for wilderness: How could I hurt him by saying "U No Hoo?" I am not referring to an unknown. I am referring to someone who is not a good influence in his life…is that so bad??
BTW Who is one of the "faithful" and who are they?
Who cares what people think??? We have our own worries and one who stops worrying about their issues to focus in on yours is not worth worry. I'm sorry you're having a hard time and I pray that you will find unexplainable peace within. So expect peace.
I want to stop being a hermit and rejoin society:) I suppose I shouldn;t worry what other people think, but I do anyway.
I will just have to take up art again, and become an eccentric artist. That's acceptable in society...lol
Hmmmm... Jane-warhol... I LIKE IT!!!
I do understand the "what will people think" reaction. But hey, we all have issues and yours just happen to be displayed to all.
While you know I feel that your statements during your episode were all TRUE... the mania/time/place may need a lil work.
In my experience if you are honest people will surprise you in how accepting they are. Those they remain a problem were probably a lost cause anyway.
I also just have to accept that I will never be "normal" in the eyes of the rest of society. I will just have to deal with it.
Yet, there are plenty of people who live perfectly normal lives with conditions like mine. There are professors, politicians, all kinds of careers and professional with mental illness, and they are still respected in society. Although people never will "forget" that they are mentally ill. There will always be the stigma attached.
Maybe. But I'd rather try to improve myself, get a job, get a social life, than to sit around my house and collect disability and live off your taxes. I want to try for self-respect. If I can't do it, then at least I tried. Right?
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