Do you agree that the best form of discipline for kids is fear?

1. 66

   one2get2noposted 12 years ago

   Do you agree that the best form of discipline for kids is fear?
   
   Since I was a child I have seen discipline in schools and children's respect for their parents diminish over time. In many schools the children are rude to their teachers, answer back and don't listen because there are never any consequences for their actions.  When I was at school caning or staying behind and writing a 1000 times 'I must not etc' was in force. I was caned in front of the school several times but it didn't alter my psychology at all. I just didn't do it again. I don't believe the psychologists who say that punishment is bad for the kids self belief.

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2. 66

   Marilyn Keeposted 12 years ago

   Nope. I certainly do not agree with that. I was brought up with fear by my dad. He gives me bad punishment and warns me over small petty things. Until today, we couldn't communicate well as I am very very afraid of him. Thus, we never talk and lost of communication caused more misunderstandings. I even went through depression because of too much of fear. I believe parents should understand & educate their child with courtesy & manners. They need to be respected too.

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      pinapple123posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      @marilyn " I believe parents should understand & educate their child with courtesy & manners."
      
      I absolutely agree. But they won't be able to do that. Before they educate themselves.

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3. 71

   Ciel Clarkposted 12 years ago

   No...  I was brought up with love and respect by my parents and have love and respect for them.  The worst thing my mother could say was when she would look me in the eye and say she was disappointed in me.  I did not like that feeling and tried not to disappoint her!  They taught me carefully and gently how to be kind and respectful.  Now I am a teacher and I feel I earn my students respect by being gentle with them as well.  I would not want to teach respect by force.

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4. 59

   royalblkroseposted 12 years ago

   fear and discipline are two COMPLETELY different things!  it is advantageous for both parent and child to understand discipline, and for the parent to apply disciplinary action (which is to teach that child that inappropriate behavior has consequences,
   fear based discipline is not appropriate- as fear destroys the child's trust in the parent as protector.

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   1. 60

      CynthiAnnposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I agree!  Fear instills insecurities in children. It does not confirm our love for them, it only manipulates them.  We must discipline with love, not fear.  Corporal punishment can be used in a way that is not fear-producing though.

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      pinapple123posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      agreed. But In my case it ruined everything. Not just the trust in my parents. But my faith and trust in everything. I never wanted or asked to be born in the first place. Why did I have to suffer like this?

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5. 0

   Starmom41posted 12 years ago

   no-  fear and respect are too entirely different things. 
   for a child (or anyone else) to actually Respect someone does not involve being afraid.

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6. 79

   Catherine Kaneposted 12 years ago

   Absolutely not.
   
   Fear based "discipline" breaks the spirit, causes emotional damage and often only gets the response you're looking for while the person feels they might get caught. It's a bandaid solution,, and often used when folks aren't willing to put in the work
   
   The use of praise and (appropriate) guilt combined creates a much better behaved child who does good things because he wants to please you, wants to feel good about himself and doesn't want to feel ashamed. The fear based kid doesn't really want to please you, he wants to placate you, and you run the risk of teaching him that might makes right and his taking it out of his own children.
   
   The situations you list  above aren't about gentle discipline being inadequate- they're about children who have no discipline at all- and that is a different topic altogether,

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   1. 60

      CynthiAnnposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Very well put! The best teachers to children are their parents. I mean, if you manipulate them with fear, they too will learn to manipulate to get out of punishment. If discipline is shown before love, a child will not develop social skills properly.

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7. 0

   oceansiderposted 12 years ago

   The best form of discipline is to do so with love and nurturing and respect for your children

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8. 60

   CynthiAnnposted 11 years ago

   This is a really good question.  I actually just read a book called "How to Really Love Your Child" by Dr. Ross Campbell. He wrote a few chapters on discipline, but he wrote it very carefully. He says punishment is a necessity in discipline, but it is only a very small part of it. The punishment should be appropriate to the crime too. A child has three necessities. Eye contact, physical contact, and focused attention. If a child is lacking in these, then discipline is not going to be very effective. We must discipline and love our children simultaneously. If we discipline without first providing them eye contact, physical contact, and focused attention, children will become insecure and will feel unloved. I have noticed that it's when I'm not providing my son and daughter the appropriate amount of eye contact, physical contact, and focused attention that each requires, they do become more defiant and less willing to comply to the discipline they receive for bad behavior.
   Also, with discipline, there needs to be consistency in the method.  After choosing the method of discipline that works for the child, there must be consistency or the child will just become confused.
   I personally do not believe any adult should lay hands on another person's child in punishment without the permission of the parent. I've found that, for my children, corporal punishment is not effective on them.  It actually made the situation worse. My son now thinks that hitting is OK if his sister does something he doesn't want her to do. Now, I am suffering having to train him that it is bad to hit. I believe it is about what is the right punishment for the crime and for the child.

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9. 52

   pinapple123posted 11 years ago

   I was spanked and all I have to say is I live with antidepressant, because I can't handle anything without them. Make your own conclusions. I am tired of this crap.

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