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jump to last post 1-5 of 5 discussions (13 posts)

Name and shame

  1. lyndre profile image77
    lyndreposted 6 years ago

    After over 40 years I finally reported an abuser to the police.Because of the time scale, and only my word against his no charges were brought. My question on the forum is, could I name and shame him online and let him charge me.

    I have certian facts about his flat that I would have to have been there to know, plus the fact I was only 12 at the time. should I name him and let him charge me ?

    1. wilderness profile image97
      wildernessposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, you could probably name him online and detail his abuse.  It probably won't shame him, even if he ever sees it.  He could also do the same to you, naming you a liar and shaming you in the same way (meaning you wouldn't be ashamed any more than he would).

      Yes, he could charge you with slander, and from your description would probably win any court case.

      Is it worth it to rant online as so many thousands do?  What else would you hope to accomplish than to relieve your feelings?

    2. Hollie Thomas profile image61
      Hollie Thomasposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Although I can imagine why you'd want to name and shame this person, I think that Wilderness is correct in saying that this person would probably feel no shame anyway, unfortunately.  Another aspect is that if you do this, you will be the one that's hurt by this action in the long term, again!

      The reality is that people who abuse in such ways do not just do it once. Therefore, there were probably victims of this persons abuse both before and after yourself. I'm afraid there will probably be victims in the future also. However, you've made your complaint, and even though this has not converted into charges and convictions, there's a record of it. At some point in the future someone else may decide to speak out. And, if this happens, it will become more than just your word against theirs. So, don't be surprised if what this person did to you becomes their ghost in the future. The police have long memories and so do victims. At some point the perpetrator will slip up and they will pay.

  2. lyndre profile image77
    lyndreposted 6 years ago

    Thanks for your replies.

    When I reported him to the police I said at the time, the fact he knew I had stopped running scared of him and he knew I had reported him was a bit of closure. But I would still like it to be known locally what he is and what he did.

    1. Hollie Thomas profile image61
      Hollie Thomasposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      I imagine that this person is already worrying about what you've said and who you've told. Remember, for people like this, abusing is about power and control, the victims fear is what gives them power. He now has no power or any real control.

  3. Lisa HW profile image71
    Lisa HWposted 6 years ago

    Not that you were even considering naming him on this site or any other that has its policies against "embarrassing" someone else (at least in terms of its involvement with Google TOS), but I do think you should be careful about where it is you name this individual.  (Whenever I'd had something that I wanted "out" locally - and it was a couple of times that had nothing to do with the kind of thing you've mentioned - I know exactly which handful of "talkers" in the community will help me accomplish what I want to accomplish - and then I've done my own talking to a lot of other individuals as well.)

    Think of all the churches and any other organizations in your area, and then figure out who are the biggest rumor-spreaders, gossip-thrivers, and lovers-of-having-some-"inside"-information.  That's where you can start.  "Info" can then filter all the way down into families, neighborhoods, and even schools.  smile  Oh..   and local parents' groups at public schools, parents of kids at after-school activities, etc.  You wouldn't even have to stop at just talk.  You could personally hand something like a piece of paper to any of these people if you wanted to.  People who work at town/city offices are another bunch who talk amongst themselves (and their spouses and fellow bingo-players).

  4. Hollie Thomas profile image61
    Hollie Thomasposted 6 years ago

    I agree with Lisa HW. smile

  5. profile image0
    Emile Rposted 6 years ago

    You know what you could do. I don't know if it is possible, or what your laws are over there in Scotland; but in America, just because he couldn't be charged in a criminal court doesn't mean you couldn't bring civil charges against him. That way you could get his name and crime out into the open where the community would know.

    And it's easier to get a conviction in civil court. Like I said, it might work.  If it would make you feel better, you might consult an attorney. Or solicitor. Or whatever you call them over there.

    1. Hollie Thomas profile image61
      Hollie Thomasposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Scottish law is different to British law so I don't know the feasibility of this. However, In England you need plenty of money to bring a civil case.

      1. lyndre profile image77
        lyndreposted 6 years agoin reply to this

        Yes it almost impossible to bring a private prosecution in Scotland.
        I had already looked at this possibility.

        I wasn't quite thinking straight when I posted this question. I agree the best way is just let the word spread,as I am no longer ashamed of what happened and  have told plenty of local gossips.

        1. IzzyM profile image88
          IzzyMposted 6 years agoin reply to this

          Remember Carole X? She successfully brought a private prosecution after police refused to charge the guy who raped and beat her up?

          It would be worth looking up details of that case. I think it was in the 70s in Glasgow. The Evening Times had widespread coverage - try their office.

          There are bound to be other victims of this guy.

          Maybe you should start a free blog over on blogspot or somewhere, with an appeal for other victims of this man to come forward, and send a link of your blog to the Scottish nationals like the Daily Record or the Herald.

          OK so you are naming him here, but your purpose is not to defame, it is to help others.

          Oh and don't put adsense on your blog.

          1. lyndre profile image77
            lyndreposted 6 years agoin reply to this

            Yes Izzy I agree there are almost certainly other victims.
            I have contacted the local newspaper and asked if they would run a story on victims of abuse in their childhood coming forward later in life and facing their abusers.

            1. Hollie Thomas profile image61
              Hollie Thomasposted 6 years agoin reply to this

              That's a really good idea and I bet there are quite a few who often think about it but may just need that prompt, or a bit of encouragement.

 
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