"A Hard Choice for Bigots--Between a Black Guy and a Mormon" Borowitz

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  1. Ralph Deeds profile image65
    Ralph Deedsposted 12 years ago

    Potential Race Between Black Guy and Mormon Poses Dilemma for Bigots
    Doomsday Scenario, Haters Say
    MINNEAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report) – A looming presidential race between a black guy and a Mormon is creating a major quandary for America’s bigots, a new poll reveals.

    According to the poll, conducted by the University of Minnesota’s Opinion Research Institute, a broad majority of likely bigot voters “strongly agreed” with the statement, “If it winds up being between a black guy and a Mormon I don’t know what I’ll do because I don’t know which I hate more.”

    Tea Party activist Eldin Brazelton of Oak Park, Illinois, expressed a frustration typical of the bigots surveyed: “We’ve spent the last three years stirring up anger towards a black guy, and that’s all going to go to waste if we just up and nominate a Mormon.”

    COMMENT: Before the general election GOPers will may have to choose between a black man (Herman Cain) and a Mormon Cult member (Romney). Tough choice for bigots!

    According to Mr. Brazleton, a presidential choice between President Barack Obama and former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney would be no choice at all: “For the life of me I don’t know why we can’t just have a regular President.”

    Mr. Brazleton, who considers himself a sexist as well as a bigot, said that the doomsday scenario unfolding for 2012 offered one small silver lining: “At least we know it’s not going to be a woman this time.”

    Elsewhere, in response to the ongoing Occupy Wall Street protests in lower Manhattan, banking giant Goldman Sachs announced today that it was investing in pepper-spray futures.

    **** DON’T MISS OUT: For a limited time, click here to pre-order Andy Borowitz’s critically acclaimed new book and save 46%  ****

    Get the Borowitz Report delivered to your inbox for free here.

    COMMENT: Before the 2012 election GOPers will have another tough choice--between another black man, Herman Cain and a member of the Mormon "Cult." Tough choice!

    1. profile image0
      Brenda Durhamposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      First of all, Brazelton doesn't sound like a Tea Party activist, what with his brazen claims to bigotry.   I think I might call him Mr. Brazenly Wrong! lol

      And secondly, I think the Left should be focusing on their own problems.  But hey that's good for us conservatives if they don't!

      Thirdly, if someone wants to take a Candidate's background, social leanings, or religion into account as part of their personal vetting process (or even Nation-wide), then there's nothing wrong with that.   Just because some troublemaker, instigator, or accuser says someone is bigoted or that people don't have the right to profile based on common sense, doesn't mean squat.

    2. Evan G Rogers profile image60
      Evan G Rogersposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Sorry, but Ron Paul is going to win.

  2. lovemychris profile image77
    lovemychrisposted 12 years ago

    It's so funny that the Republicans are having this "dilemma"...

    But actually, Romney and Cain are a lot alike.
    Both are big business types. Both blame Obama for everything as if 2000-2008 never existed. Both are against freedom for women and the working man. Both deride Occupy Wall Street, while fawning praise for the Tea Party.

    Sooo, either way....we're screwed!

  3. Cagsil profile image70
    Cagsilposted 12 years ago

    It seems like the next elections are going to break past records for the number of people who are not going to vote.

    An interesting thought to say the least.... lol

  4. profile image0
    RookerySpoonerposted 12 years ago

    I was reading an article about the demographics of the United States, which included the fact that out of the 50 biggest cities in the US, 35 of them have a white minority, and that by 2040, the white population of the US will only make up approximately 35%.  In 1970, the white population of the US stood at 85%.  As immigration has changed the demographics so entirely, I am surprised that race should still be an issue, and also by the fact that when American politicians appear on our screens, they are nearly always white.  This situation will not be able to continue for much longer in the changing America.

  5. Hollie Thomas profile image61
    Hollie Thomasposted 12 years ago

    I think its odd that in the midterms, it appears, correct me if I'm wrong, that it was the Dems who didn't turn out. 2012, I think it will be the Republicans that don't turn out, no credible opponent, not to mention their own internal conflicts and bigotry.

  6. LucidDreams profile image65
    LucidDreamsposted 12 years ago

    I never agreed with just vote for the lesser of two evils.....as you can plainly see this is how we end up with that line of thinking. Certainly wish all of the bought people who spend time arguing over our politics would just leave and allow us to start from scratch. Problem is....the job is just too cushy with too many benefits.

    Take away all of the benefits, healthcare, retirment pensions, free jets, so on and so on....make them live like the average joe and then watch how fast they leave the political arena. We need real people not career or bought politicians or things will never change.

    1. Xenonlit profile image61
      Xenonlitposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I love it that the Tea Party and the extremist Republicans are finally becoming irrelevant because of their own ability to eat their own.

    2. Hollie Thomas profile image61
      Hollie Thomasposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      The rotten part about it all though is that if you don't vote, you may end up with the biggest evil. Interesting though, because in some respects that also ensures we vote. The elite, in my opinion, humble that it is, worry far more about people not voting at all.

  7. habee profile image92
    habeeposted 12 years ago

    The only racist remarks I've seen aimed at Cain have come from the far left.

    1. Ralph Deeds profile image65
      Ralph Deedsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      There are a significant number of racists in the Tea Party although I haven't seen any remarks either. Of course, Cain's playing the race card against Perry won't endear him to the red necks.

    2. lovemychris profile image77
      lovemychrisposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      How about Cain himself:

      "Boortz, at the tail end of the interview, asks Cain how he’d do in a debate against Obama:

      “It would almost be no contest.”

      Ticking off ways he could compete with Obama, Boortz says that Cain would be able to talk about the black experience in America.

      Cain’s response: “[Obama's] never been a part of the black experience in America"

      Really? What an ignorant thing to say. Why is the Right always so nasty? It MUST be in their DNA.

      And the Bible told me so: "I will put enmity between you".....you got that right! I can't stand these sssssnakes!

  8. Ron Montgomery profile image60
    Ron Montgomeryposted 12 years ago

    The choice still comes down to Obama or Obama-lite.  None of the Teabaggers stands a chance.

    1. profile image0
      Brenda Durhamposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I wouldn't say that.

      1. Ron Montgomery profile image60
        Ron Montgomeryposted 12 years agoin reply to this


        No you wouldn't.

  9. Ralph Deeds profile image65
    Ralph Deedsposted 12 years ago

    The gamblers in Vegas are betting on Romney for the nomination last time I checked.

    It's Romney at 9 to 4.

    http://mikeandreani.wordpress.com/2011/ … tion-odds/

    The odds favor Obama over the GOP candidate also. Place your bet here:

    http://www.oddschecker.com/specials/pol … ning-party

    1. Evan G Rogers profile image60
      Evan G Rogersposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Paul will win

      1. Ralph Deeds profile image65
        Ralph Deedsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

        "Paul will win."

        Wishful thinking. Put your money where your mouth is.

  10. lovemychris profile image77
    lovemychrisposted 12 years ago

    Every single one of them seeks to overturn Roe v Wade...even the female Bagger.

    See how far that gets them.

    Freedom my azzz.

  11. Charles James profile image67
    Charles Jamesposted 12 years ago

    Perhaps Sarah Palin can be persuaded to stand?

    1. Ralph Deeds profile image65
      Ralph Deedsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      She's better at lieing.


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