A few days ago my best friend from high school sent me a 'Viet Nam
... Veteran' cap. I never had one of these before, and I was pretty hyped
Yesterday, I wore it when I went to Walmart. There was nothing in
particular that I needed at the world's largest retailer; but, since I
retired, trips to Wally World to look at the Walmartians is always
good for some comic relief. Besides, I always feel pretty normal
after seeing some of the people that frequent the establishment.
While standing in line to check out, the guy in front of me, probably in his
late twenties, asked, "Are you a Viet Nam Vet?"
"No," I replied.
"Then why are you wearing that cap?"
"Because I couldn't find the one from the War of 1812." (I thought it was
a snappy retort.)
"The War of 1812, huh?" the Walmartian queried, "When was that?"
God forgive me, but I couldn't pass up such an opportunity. "1936," I
answered as straight-faced as possible.
He pondered my response for a moment and responded, "Why do they
call it the War of 1812 if it was in 1936?"
"It was a Black Op. No one is supposed to know about it."
This was beginning to be way fun!
"Dude! Really?" he exclaimed. "How did you get to do something
I glanced furtively around me for effect, leaned toward the guy and
in a low voice said, "I'm not sure. I was the only Caucasian on the mission."
"Dude," he was really getting excited about what he was hearing, "that is
seriously awesome! But, didn't you kind of stand out?"
"Not really. The other guys were wearing white camouflage."
The moron nodded knowingly. "Listen man," I said in a very serious
tone, "You can't tell anyone about this. It's still 'top secret' and
I shouldn't have said anything."
"Oh yeah?" he gave me the 'don't threaten me look.' "Like, what's
gonna happen if I do?"
With a really hard look I said, "You have a family don't you? We wouldn't
want anything to happen to them, would we?"
The guy gulped, left his basket where it was and fled through the
door. By this time the lady behind me was about to have a heart
attack she was laughing so hard. I just grinned at her. After
checking out and going to the parking lot I saw Dimwit leaning in a
car window talking to a young woman. Upon catching sight of me he
started pointing excitedly in my direction.
Giving him another 'deadly' serious look, I made the 'I see you'
gesture. He turned kind of pale, jumped in the car and they sped out of
the parking lot. What a great time! Tomorrow I'm going back with a
Homeland Security cap. Whoever said retirement is boring? You just
need the right kind of cap!
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