A Woman's Guide To Finding Self-Esteem

LOW SELF ESTEEM AN EPIDEMIC

The day that you can look in the mirror and be happy with what you see, is the day that will set you free . Let's face it too often we are our own worse enemies, zoning in on our flaws, comparing ourselves to others, imagining how much better we will feel if we can only change a certain part of our bodies to what we envision is the ideal image. Often we are our worst critics, as we tend to see ourselves in a exaggerated sense opposed to how the rest of the world actually sees us. Fussing over our thighs, the size of our breasts, the not so tight skin of our abs, the shape of our nose, is a common trait in a majority of women, ranging from mild obsessions to much more serious obsessions such as major eating disorders. Poor self-esteem is a poor foundation to build the framework of our lives upon. Until we can feel happy and content with how we see ourselves, we will never reach that place where we deserve to be.

• Here are some simple truths to wake us up to the illusions that we have carried for so long;

1. THE REALITY THAT STARS ARE NOT PERFECT

"The Death of Advertising? I think that's in the book of Revelation. It's the day when people everywhere become satisfied with their weight, their hair, their skin, their wardrobe, and their aroma"....Jeff. I. Richards

Women constantly look towards the media, and often use the beauty of celebrities, to form an image inside their heads as to how the perfect woman should appear to look. Gazing at beautiful women inside the covers of women's magazines, watching gorgeous actresses grace the silver screen, can seem quite daunting at times to the average woman of the world. "If only I looked like that." The media purposely uses this world of 'so-called' perfection, to its full advantage knowing too well the effect these images have upon the public eye.

However even 'magic can be an illusion' and we need to remember that. Stars are polished, powdered, shined, buffed all to create the perfect illusion to sell movies, cars, clothes, diamonds, everything from A to Z in the modern world. Without makeup a lot of stars are ordinary looking women, many with less than perfect complexions, less than perfect bodies than what is portrayed in the world of the competitive media. Every picture that appears in glossy magazines must be edited, smoothed, to hide the wrinkles, acne, varicose veins, yellowing teeth that they don't desire us to see. With surplus money to throw away, they are nipped,cut, surgically enhanced by the finest surgeons in the world at their feet. 'What you see is so often far from what is real'.

2. THE REALITY THAT TRUE BEAUTY DOES NOT EXIST IN LOOKS ALONE

"People often say that 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder,' and I say that the most liberating thing about beauty is realizing that you are the beholder. This empowers us to find beauty in places where others have not dared to look, including inside ourselves"....Salma Halek

Beauty on the surface fades away with the hands of time where-as true beauty deep inside, remains for all eternity . Have you not heard the expression that even if a woman is truly beautiful on the outside, but her spirit is ugly, she therefore becomes ugly even on the outside?. We have to realise that if anything must be changed, it must first come from within. The way we see ourselves rests heavily upon a positive mind, which is the strongest asset we possess, to perceive the unique special person we really are. Men are attracted to strong confident women, it is a well known fact. Beauty alone can rarely hold someone's attention for long periods of time  nor can it compensate for weak attributes that exist inside. Forget about changing what you see on the outside, until you change what is on the inside, or the outer will never be enough to satisty you.

3. THE REALITY YOU CAN EITHER BE A POOR VERSION OF SOME-ONE ELSE OR A RICH VERSION OF YOURSELF

"Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have"......

Let's face it you can never be some-one else, nor would you really want to be, as then you are robbing yourself of who you were born to be . It is so true that it is impossible to fully love some-one else until you love yourself for who you are. When you feel good about yourself, and embrace your self worth, it is so much harder for others to knock you down, push you around, hurt you with their words, as you are able to stand up for yourself, shrug off the criticisms, walk away from some-thing that is hurting you, simply by believing in yourself. Look at yourself as often as you can in front of a mirror, not at your body, but directly into your eyes,and tell yourself that you are worthy, beautiful, deserving, exactly as you are. Start to feel it, think it and believe it. Realise that in this world there is no-one exactly the same as you, appreciate the fact that you are unique upon this Earth. No-one can change the way you see yourself but you. When you have high self esteem, a positive mind, your life changes for the better drastically. Remember there is always some-one to love you for who you are, you don't have to mould yourself to some-one's ideal. If you believe in yourself then those around you will believe in you too.

4. THE REALITY THAT YOU ARE NO LONGER A PRODUCT OF YOUR PAST

"They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself"...Andy Warhol

You have to realise that you do have to live as a product of your past. A painful, difficult, hurtful past is a huge contributor for guilt, anger, lack of self-worth that we carry with us, as we grow into life. The people who can can cut us into pieces the most are often the people we love the most, and often bad relationships can be a major cause for the guilt, pain and low self esteem women carry to the next relationship and so forth. A confident, self- assured woman will not tolerate a man who drags her down while a woman with holds little worth of her value, will be more likely to remain in the relationship, opposed to being alone. There are no rewards for living in misery, but there are a multitude of treasures for woman who strive to move forward.

To begin this positive journey stop putting yourself down. Some women are not even aware they are doing it. Begin by making positive statements about yourself, kick aside the negative. Don't let the criticism or rejection by others towards you take you down a peg. This is something that happens to everyone, determine the difference between constructive criticism and negative, choose what to accept and what to reject. Set yourself reasonable goals and reward yourself as you achieve them, be proud of all you achieve, be all you can be. Life sometimes does not wait..

There was a time in my life I hated myself so badly, that I ended up on death's door with anorexia. Attempting suicide was a regular occurrence in those dark days. Those days are well and truly gone as I look in the mirror with pride these days and never look back. It took time and effort to arrive where I am but boy am I proud to be here.

WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE GIVING UP

Do you know that all your future

Is yours to hold and keep?

Do you know that you can surface

When the waters are too deep?

Do you know that you are lovely?

More lovely than you know,

Release your insecurities,

Allow confidence to grow.

Have you felt sometimes like giving up

When your world starts tumbling in?,

Do you know you have the courage

To stand up strong and win?.

Do you feel the bite of solitude

Do you cry those lonely tears?

Do you know you have the inner strength

To shine throughout your years?.

Do you know that in this world

There is no one quite like you?

You are more worthy than you will ever know,

You need to see it too.

So strive and reach, battle forward,

Lift up your heart with glee,

Shout unto the world today,

I am happy to be me

© Deb Murray 2009