- Gender and Relationships
Are You The Other Woman - Top Five Ways to Tell
You are out with your friends, having a coffee, or drink after work, relaxing and enjoying the company. You look up and spot him amongst the crowd. The irresistible stranger you can't take your eyes off. He catches you stealing glances his way and smiles. Flustered, you immediately stare at your drink, or your friends, anywhere but at him.
He finally makes his way through the throng of people to your table, and after a few pleasantries, you exchange numbers. Or if you are a forward thinking woman, you make your way to his table. It doesn't matter, either way, you end up at the same place. The inevitable questions are asked...girlfriend, boyfriend, no? Let the dating begin! You step into a whirlwind, romantic, sexually charged, wonderful relationship. Where has this person been all your life? You are perfectly suited for one another, even your friends say so.
Except for your best friend who cautions against going toofast...what do you really know about this guy? (And to be fair, the same can be said from the man's perspective. This disease isn't solelydirected at men.)
You reassure your friend that you are being careful, and that youknow what you are doing. Besides, everything is fine. That is until youstart to notice the little things.
Things like phone calls that he goes outside to answer, or a lot ofignored text messages. He can't see you as often as you like because ofbusiness meetings, working late, or trips out of town. All of which areplausible reasons, but the seed of doubt has been sewn.
Sounds like a romance novel doesn't it? Or something you wouldexpect to see in a movie or television show. This kind of thing doesn'thappen to ordinary people like you or me.
Actually, this sort of thing happens everyday, to ordinary folks like us.
So how do you know if you are his one and only? Aside from a major slip up, like calling you by a different name, how can you tell? Are there any tell-tale signs to indicate you are being played?
When you go out, do you go to his favourite hangouts, or someplace new? Does he accompany you to the mall when you go shopping or tell you he will meet you afterwards. Now I know that most men hate shopping, that's a given! But, if you are an exclusive, he won't mind being seen with you walking around the mall, even if he does bail after an hour or so. What about meeting for dinner or drinks. Is he overly cautious about where you sit? Does he take you to your familiar restaurants, where you meet your friends, or does he prefer out of the way places where nobody knows you. Any of these things could raise a red flag.
Friends and family...
Has he introduced you to his friends or family members? Does he seem reluctant to take that step? Now I'm not saying he should take you home to meet his mother after the second date. I can understand being private, but after a certain length of time, it's only natural that you meet his friends. If you haven't, this is a sure sign something isn't kosher.
His place or yours...
Have you seen the inside of his place, or do you always stay at yours? Even given that your fella is a lousy housekeeper, or god forbid, he lives with his mom, (no offense) is that a good enough reason not to check out his digs? Have you even driven by his place, or know where he lives? If you are only hanging out at your place even after you have asked to see his, and he hasn't even shown you the outside of his house, the alarms should be going off.
Phone calls and texts...
When his phone rings, does he check to see who is calling before he answers, and then leave the room, or car, or even the house to talk? Business aside, being overly cautious about being overheard by you or vice versa isn't normal. When you call him, does he, more often than not, tell you he is busy and will call you back? Are your evening phone calls or text messages ignored until the next day, or answered during business hours? If so, you definitely have a problem.
So, how often do you see each other and for how long? Do you get to see him on the weekends, or is it strictly weekdays? (for whatever reason) Is he like Cinderella and have to leave by 10 o'clock because he needs his beauty sleep or has an important meeting in the morning? I'm not saying everyone welcomes overnight guests, but lets be honest here. If he is looking at his watch and rushing out the door tying his shoes, then "...Houston, we have a problem..."
Now, I'm not paranoid, nor am I advocating you look behind every tree for clues. But if you have answered 'yes' to more than one item on this very short list, then you might need to sit down and have a heart to heart with your fella.
Or you might just want to jump to conclusions, have a screaming row and throw things so you can have make up sex! (I hear it's amazing! But that's another story.)
Either way, you definitely need to discuss where this 'relationship' is going, or not going as the case may be. Everyone is entitled to love and happiness in their lives, and before you make a serious commitment you need a solid base from which to form a lasting bond.
You might have to face the fact that your Prince Charming isn't the man of your dreams. It happens, deal with it and move on. Realise that you are a valued, loving individual with a lot to share with the right person.
You may have to kiss a lot of frogs, but hang in there, I'm rootin' for ya!
Copyright Enelle Lamb 2009 - Please do not copy and paste this article, but feel free to post a link using this url: http://hubpages.com/_enelle/hub/Are-You-the-Other-Woman