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Are You The Other Woman - Top Five Ways to Tell

Updated on December 18, 2011
Enelle Lamb profile image

Enelle Lamb is a Community Support Social Service Worker, published author, jewelry designer and single mother extraordinaire.

Picture this...

You are out with your friends, having a coffee, or drink after work, relaxing and enjoying the company. You look up and spot him amongst the crowd. The irresistible stranger you can't take your eyes off. He catches you stealing glances his way and smiles. Flustered, you immediately stare at your drink, or your friends, anywhere but at him.

He finally makes his way through the throng of people to your table, and after a few pleasantries, you exchange numbers. Or if you are a forward thinking woman, you make your way to his table. It doesn't matter, either way, you end up at the same place. The inevitable questions are asked...girlfriend, boyfriend, no? Let the dating begin! You step into a whirlwind, romantic, sexually charged, wonderful relationship. Where has this person been all your life? You are perfectly suited for one another, even your friends say so.

Except for your best friend who cautions against going toofast...what do you really know about this guy? (And to be fair, the same can be said from the man's perspective. This disease isn't solelydirected at men.)

You reassure your friend that you are being careful, and that youknow what you are doing. Besides, everything is fine. That is until youstart to notice the little things.

Things like phone calls that he goes outside to answer, or a lot ofignored text messages. He can't see you as often as you like because ofbusiness meetings, working late, or trips out of town. All of which areplausible reasons, but the seed of doubt has been sewn.

Sounds like a romance novel doesn't it? Or something you wouldexpect to see in a movie or television show. This kind of thing doesn'thappen to ordinary people like you or me.

Actually, this sort of thing happens everyday, to ordinary folks like us.

So how do you know if you are his one and only? Aside from a major slip up, like calling you by a different name, how can you tell? Are there any tell-tale signs to indicate you are being played?

Public places...

When you go out, do you go to his favourite hangouts, or someplace new? Does he accompany you to the mall when you go shopping or tell you he will meet you afterwards. Now I know that most men hate shopping, that's a given! But, if you are an exclusive, he won't mind being seen with you walking around the mall, even if he does bail after an hour or so. What about meeting for dinner or drinks. Is he overly cautious about where you sit? Does he take you to your familiar restaurants, where you meet your friends, or does he prefer out of the way places where nobody knows you. Any of these things could raise a red flag.

Friends and family...

Has he introduced you to his friends or family members? Does he seem reluctant to take that step? Now I'm not saying he should take you home to meet his mother after the second date. I can understand being private, but after a certain length of time, it's only natural that you meet his friends. If you haven't, this is a sure sign something isn't kosher.

His place or yours...

Have you seen the inside of his place, or do you always stay at yours? Even given that your fella is a lousy housekeeper, or god forbid, he lives with his mom, (no offense) is that a good enough reason not to check out his digs? Have you even driven by his place, or know where he lives? If you are only hanging out at your place even after you have asked to see his, and he hasn't even shown you the outside of his house, the alarms should be going off.

Phone calls and texts...

When his phone rings, does he check to see who is calling before he answers, and then leave the room, or car, or even the house to talk? Business aside, being overly cautious about being overheard by you or vice versa isn't normal. When you call him, does he, more often than not, tell you he is busy and will call you back? Are your evening phone calls or text messages ignored until the next day, or answered during business hours? If so, you definitely have a problem.


So, how often do you see each other and for how long? Do you get to see him on the weekends, or is it strictly weekdays? (for whatever reason) Is he like Cinderella and have to leave by 10 o'clock because he needs his beauty sleep or has an important meeting in the morning? I'm not saying everyone welcomes overnight guests, but lets be honest here. If he is looking at his watch and rushing out the door tying his shoes, then "...Houston, we have a problem..."

Now, I'm not paranoid, nor am I advocating you look behind every tree for clues. But if you have answered 'yes' to more than one item on this very short list, then you might need to sit down and have a heart to heart with your fella.

Or you might just want to jump to conclusions, have a screaming row and throw things so you can have make up sex! (I hear it's amazing! But that's another story.)

Either way, you definitely need to discuss where this 'relationship' is going, or not going as the case may be. Everyone is entitled to love and happiness in their lives, and before you make a serious commitment you need a solid base from which to form a lasting bond.

You might have to face the fact that your Prince Charming isn't the man of your dreams. It happens, deal with it and move on. Realise that you are a valued, loving individual with a lot to share with the right person.

You may have to kiss a lot of frogs, but hang in there, I'm rootin' for ya!

Copyright Enelle Lamb 2009 - Please do not copy and paste this article, but feel free to post a link using this url:


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    • Enelle Lamb profile imageAUTHOR

      Enelle Lamb 

      6 years ago from Canada's 'California'

      I hear you! There are a lot of 'frogs' out there...pretty hard to find a prince lol.

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      Great to know these things. I started talking on skype with a guy that I liked,and he got a phone call and lied to the person saying he was going to go into the shower than said "love you too babe" ya played by a fool

    • Enelle Lamb profile imageAUTHOR

      Enelle Lamb 

      7 years ago from Canada's 'California'

      Most welcome, so pleased you enjoyed the hub :D

    • ubanichijioke profile image

      Alexander Thandi Ubani 

      7 years ago from Lagos

      Good job! Gr8 tips.

      Well researched, informing & useful. Thanks

    • Enelle Lamb profile imageAUTHOR

      Enelle Lamb 

      7 years ago from Canada's 'California'

      Sure sounds that way my dear. Time for a change?

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      I'm the one living with the guy who is doing all these things. He's not even bothering anymore to hide the fact that he's non-stop texting another woman day and night. So I'm guessing that makes me the other woman and I'm the one at home.

    • Enelle Lamb profile imageAUTHOR

      Enelle Lamb 

      7 years ago from Canada's 'California'

      You too eh? LOL - I think most of us stumble over this at least once in our lives...

    • Erin LeFey profile image

      Erin LeFey 

      7 years ago from Maryland

      Great article, and I wish I had seen this information ten years ago...we're so trusting! Oh well, live and learn. Thanks for the great information, hope it will help someone else from making the same mistakes!

    • Enelle Lamb profile imageAUTHOR

      Enelle Lamb 

      7 years ago from Canada's 'California'

      I hear you - sometimes it's hard to see the truth of things...

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      hi, I have gone through all those point with my ex., but after break up. his line was-second place only, never his place... so hard to believe and face the music, I been so so stupid. thanks for your post.

    • Enelle Lamb profile imageAUTHOR

      Enelle Lamb 

      7 years ago from Canada's 'California'

      How true! Thanks for the compliment :)

    • dawnM profile image

      Dawn Michael 

      7 years ago from THOUSAND OAKS

      Yes red flag, how us women just seem to look the other way. That really is the problem the signs are there we just choose to ignore them

      Great read

    • Enelle Lamb profile imageAUTHOR

      Enelle Lamb 

      7 years ago from Canada's 'California'

      Thanks 6hotfingers3, I thought they might come in handy ;)

    • 6hotfingers3 profile image


      7 years ago

      Interesting!!! Good pointers to think about.

    • Enelle Lamb profile imageAUTHOR

      Enelle Lamb 

      8 years ago from Canada's 'California'

      Thanks stricktlydating, so glad you stopped by and commented :)

    • stricktlydating profile image


      8 years ago from Australia

      Oh so true! Great advice.

    • Enelle Lamb profile imageAUTHOR

      Enelle Lamb 

      9 years ago from Canada's 'California'

      Shalini - it never hurts to be prepared! Us 'older' and supposedly 'wiser' veterans of the trenches would do well to pass along our experience to the younger generations lol!

    • Shalini Kagal profile image

      Shalini Kagal 

      9 years ago from India

      You're so right Enelle - you have to kiss a lot of frogs..... this is a great list to start ticking off to know whether it could or rather should be the one or not - I'm printing it out for my daughter :)

    • Enelle Lamb profile imageAUTHOR

      Enelle Lamb 

      9 years ago from Canada's 'California'

      :D thanks I tried to get the high points....

    • Lgali profile image


      9 years ago

      lot of good points

    • Enelle Lamb profile imageAUTHOR

      Enelle Lamb 

      9 years ago from Canada's 'California'

      Left Behind, that is exactly what my fella tells me! Thanks for the read :)

    • Left Behind profile image

      Left Behind 

      9 years ago from USA

      Not seeing his home is a huge red flag. Or the line, "My brother or sister is living with me briefly while they look for a job so we can't go to my place". Chances are he is married. Another thing is, Is he surprised or acts nervous if your run into him in public unexpectantly? Show up at his work unannounced? As a guy, I admit we can be dogs.


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