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Extra Marital Affairs - Dealing With the Deceit

Updated on January 12, 2015

Secret love

An affair is like those explosives placed on bridges in strategic spots to demolish old ones and make way for new ones.Extramarital affairs are relationships outside of marriage where an illicit romantic or sexual relationship or a romantic friendship or passionate attachment occurs.It could be a one night stand which could lead to regret or one that will convert to serious affair decked with emotional entanglements.

The ability to pursue serial and clandestine extra marital affairs whilst safeguarding the secrets and conflict of interest inherent in the practice, requires skill in deception and duplicitous negotiation. Even in cases where a person wants to put an end to his or her illicit affair, it becomes complicated if the partner within the extra marital affair has a firm grip over the concerned person either emotionally or for other conveniences refuses to comply with him or her walking out of the affair.Cheating on someone is not an easy thing to decide to do.

Marriages have their ups and downs and often times during the down periods spouses are very vulnerable.Most people having an affair aren't happy in their marriage and instead of trying to work things out with their partner they look for satisfaction outside, which only leads to lies and empty promises. Affairs can be exhilarating, exciting, passionate and romantic but the lust affair is often short-lived, and passion can slide downhill pretty fast as the excitement declines or underground emotional issues surface again.Often people have an affair to fill a void in their own marriage or partnership, whether it’s companionship, romance or sex. sometimes extra marital affair is seen as a life-style choice; an option for men and women yearning for excitement or intimacy that's lacking or has dulled during their marriage.When partners get listening ears and shoulders to cry on outside of the existing relationship, it provides temporary relieve towards their unappreciative partners.

However, before you rush into starting an affair, you need to think properly. Affairs inevitably hurt someone and frequently they hurt all the parties involved including children, if there are any. No matter how skilled you are, keeping affairs discreet can be hard at the best of times especially when emotions are involved, believe me, its usually hot and spicy in the beginning but generally dies down with time except in rare cases when they turn out to be lifelong relationship like Prince Charles and Camilla (remember she had always being in the background despite Lady Diana's marriage to the Royal dynasty). At the end, Lady Diana became the victim in an attempt to find happiness outside of her marriage. I am sure Tiger Woods experience remains fresh in our memories too.

There is no perfect marriage anywhere so you really need to ask yourself personal questions before engaging in extra marital affairs.

What does your family mean to you? Can you remedy the semi broken marriage and put the pieces together? What exactly do you desire out there? Fun, sex, companion, a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on or you simply want to be appreciated by your partner? I have heard things like 'I don't want to break up my family or leave my husband, who is a good partner in many ways, but I do want to be desired, admired, and excited, none of which has been happening in my marriage for a long time. The question is, can you discuss it? Can you create avenue for a heart to heart discussion? If both parties are genuinely sincere, I am sure it would work but believe me, it takes two willing souls. If your marriage is going through this phase the best thing you can do for yourself and your husband is to try talking honestly about your feelings, if that doesn't make any improvements then try counseling, then try laying it on the line and letting him know that if things don't improve you may feel compelled to go elsewhere. If you are genuinely unhappy in your marriage, leave with dignity before you lose everything this way.

Perhaps what you both need is just a break. This sometimes help to solidify a relationship. If you are apart and nothing seems to be missing in your life; on the contrary, you wish you do not have to go back, then something is definitely wrong and you both need to face it and deal with it.

Most partners fail to see the loneliness in the other party for selfish reasons owning to career or external family matters. At times sexual frustration can also tear relationships apart. In any relationship, you need to understand the expectations of both parties. Empathy is very essential in the success of any marriage, don't be selfish and self centered. It's unrealistic to expect someone to live the rest of her life in sexual frustration just to preserve the purity of a relationship.Its easier for men to flaunt illicit affair than it is for women hence most women endure to ensure they don't go astray and in most cases, they think of the home first.

However, if you have been involved in extra marital affairs and the wind blows, does that signify the end of the relationship? Sometime we make mistakes only to come to our senses and realize how foolish we have been. Yes, trust simply disappears and needs to be totally reconstructed if both parties are willing. When it comes to relationship, sometimes its 'never say never'. You may not realize how important you mean to each other until things go wrong. Forgiveness for the affair is a necessary part of saving your marriage, but it is a difficult step for most people. I must say that after having your trust betrayed, the hardest thing to imagine is ever being able to forgive your spouse and trust again.But, if you are willing, forgiveness is possible although not on a platter of gold, your partner MUST be willing and determined to earn your trust again.Learning how to forgive an affair takes a certain mindset, but you certainly need to have a good understanding of where the relationship was headed to begin rebuilding your reconstruction.

In all, the best approach is not to start any extra marital affairs. It is wrong and by definition against the concept of marriage. Rather than saying it can never happen, you should always think of the kind of person, situation and mood that could make you vulnerable and improve or add spice to your relationship. Remember, two wrongs can't make a right.


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