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How to Catch a Cheater: Infidelity in a Marriage or Relationship

Updated on June 20, 2013

In my previous article about How to Cheat and Not Get Caught, I wrote an article answering the popular Google Search question. In this article I am going to contradict my prior article by showing you ways to catch someone you suspect to be cheating without hiring a private investigator.

First, I suggest reading my other article, don’t worry, it will link you right back here when you are finished. Read How to Cheat and Not Get Caught now.

STEPS TO CATCH A CHEATER

The first thing to be said is that ever cheating situation is different and based on variables: does your significant other live with you? Do you share a computer? Do you share a vehicle? Do you have access to his / her cell phone, vehicle, computer, etc? AND, is the property marital? All of these factors have an effect on what you can *LEGALLY* do.

The second thing we need to discuss is the legalities of taking actions like hacking into an email account, “stalking” or creating fake profiles to catch the suspect: All of these things can carry a legal penalty. As we have seen in previous years: a Rochester, MI woman had criminal charges pressed against her husband after he entered her email account without permission. People have also been charged with creating fake social networking accounts and so on.

STEP 1: DETERMINE A PATTERN

It is most likely that your significant other needs to cooperate with his/her new lovers schedule to accommodate their secret relationship. Whether it is “going to the gym” for hours on a certain day at a certain time or “phone died” every Thursday evening; start monitoring your significant others “excuses” and outcomes.

STEP 2: Try to Combat the “Problem”

Reason: Phone Died

Combat: Buy him/her a car charger or charger for work

Reason: Joined a Class / Group / Hobby

Combat: Take interest in such and ask to also join

Reason: “Boys / Girls Night Out”

Combat: At the last moment, force a schedule change then watch carefully for actions. For example, if he / she *must* go to “poker night” with friends, suddenly “fall ill” and ask for help. If your significant other cannot stay with his/her ill partner due to “poker night”, that is a major red flag.

If he / she goes to “poker night” on the first week, pull shenanigans again the second week. If you have to learn poker and ask to go, so be it. If your answer is “Its only for us boys/girls”, don’t hesitate to ask WHERE this event is at. If your spouse gives a lame answer like “at this guy from works house”, do not stop asking questions: “where?” (get a city, get an address… if youre not “allowed” to go and nothing wrong is occurring, what is wrong with you knowing “the guy from work”s full name and city?) Then drive by. If it’s “poker night”, there should at LEAST be 4 cars in the driveway, correct? Maybe 3 if someone carpooled. Lights in the home should be on and you should see some activity of some kind.

Reason: I’m working late

Combat: Where is the money? Why are you working late for free? A common excuse can be that he / she is aa salaried employee or the boss is “forcing” them. It is hard to argue the salary reasoning, but as an employer, I can tell you, I can not legally FORCE my employees to work without pay. Salaried employees are considered an “EXEMPT” and can indeed be required to work some extra hours being that their salary is based on an agreement for weekly or bi-weekly pay; NOT hourly pay. HOWEVER an employees vehicle should be in the parking lot of the business if they are working OT. In addition, it is not illegal for you, or someone to sit in the parking lot and await their arrival. (Just factor in Private Property laws, if applicable)

STEP 2: LEGAL SPYING

If you are married; install a keylogger on your computer (meaning, a computer which you are rightfully entitled to "tinker with".


INSTALL A GPS

If your spouse is USING YOUR VEHICLE, install a GPS; Caution: Installing a GPS to track / monitor the "unknowing" is against almost every state law.

DO ONLINE RESEARCH

You can also ask a friend to check them out on social networking sites or even flirt. i do not suggest making Fake Profiles on Facebook, as I have previously discussed.

Another great thing to do is to check your computers HISTORY file. This is really simple if you use Google / Chrome. Just go to the upper corner:

Use the 3-lined icon to the far right by clicking it. Then, from that list select "HISTORY". It should be in about the 5th section. After clicking on HISTORY, a full menu of your computers HISTORY will pop up and look like this (you will see my HISTORY from today is all related to HubPages and searches I did to create my articles I wrote today:)

Take note of logins to an email you are not aware of (such as a hotmail account if he / she uses Yahoo) or looking at dating sites, facebook profiles, etc.

CHECK MARITAL BANK ACCOUNT RECORDS

Look at martial accounts for odd withdrawals or expenses. A $150 meal at a nice restaurant? Lots of $50 ATM withdrawals? Gas station purchases in a city far from home? if you don't know what an expense is, Google the name of the company withdrawing the money and their location. If you have to, call the company and inquire about the transaction on YOUR bank statement.

WATCH FOR SIGNS

A sudden change in possessiveness over his / her cell phone, car / glove box, keys, clothing, wallet / purse or other things are likely due to paranoia.

In addition, if marital passwords are changed, this is a major red flag.

if your spouse / live-in-partner suddenly WANTS to take out the trash or get the mail: be very skeptical. There's nothing wrong with him / her wanting to help, but if he / she has been reluctant to shower after work for the past 4 years and they are now suddenly rushing into the bathroom immediately upon returning home; this "creature of habit" must become a question.

A showering of gifts without reason is also another sign of guilt. Sure, it is very nice to get gifts, but nobody knows your partner like you do. If your partner was never big on gifting, why now?

BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT VERSUS IGNORANCE

There's no reason to accuse someone of infidelity if they show up with a nice gift or opt to take a shower right after work EVEN IF this is not their "pattern". However, you should be able to tell a motive quickly if you know your partner.

Was the gift romantic and a kind gesture in effort to reignite sex life? If so, then he / she may be making effort to show you a sign of what they need.

HOWEVER, if the gift is very inconsistent with your partners usual gifting (or lack - of - gifting), then there may be a reason to become suspicious. Many times, someone who is feeling guilt will try to "buy the guilt away" or purchase gifts in hopes that it distracts you from thinking someone devious may be occurring.

SUDDEN ACCUSATIONS WITHOUT REASON

One common thread among cheaters is the "point the finger for no reason". This is typically due to paranoia combined with guilt. The cheater is trying so hard to cover their tracks that THEIR life has become such a tangled mess of lies that they suddenly begin accusing you of cheating on them, without merit. Even the tiniest little things that have never been a problem before can cause the cheater to lash out in anger filled with odd accusations. For example, if you typically go to see your parents on weekends, out of the blue you may be accused of not actually going to your parents. Or, if you have always had to work late on Monday nights, you may find yourself blindsided by the accusation that you're not "actually working". And, to top it off, despite what evidence you provide that you are where you say you are, the cheater will not accept it or will move right onto another accusation.

The random accusations may continue to grow into "Who were you talking to on the phone?" or "Who is texting you?" or even "Why are you getting 'dressed up' for work?" - The continually growing accusations are based on the cheaters stress level building. As the paranoia and guilt increases, the cheater will often try to blame you of doing what they are doing because it makes them feel better to "justify" their actions: i.e: "She MUST be cheating on me, so what I'm doing to her isn't *that* bad"

TAKE OUR POLLS AND HELP OTHERS:

How Was Your Partner Cheating On You?

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How Did You Catch the Cheater?

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IN CLOSING: FINAL OPTIONS

If you are SURE that your partner is cheating but he / she continues to deny, you can have them take a lie detector test. You can hire a local lie detector professional to preform the test. Typically they will have you and your partner meet them at a public place that also offers seclusion, such as a conference room at a local hotel chain (like the Holiday Inn conference room). The test will cost around $250 - $300 and will include around 3 to 5 questions of your choice. This cost also includes the "prescreening" which means the potential cheater is asked basic questions, such as a verification of their name, age, etc. This prescreening allows the lie detector administrator to determine that the candidate is able to take the test and that the machine is working properly. Obviously, if someone is able to pass basic questions with flying colors, then there is no excuse for them to fail questions regarding fidelity.

If your partner outright refuses to take the test then it can be assumed that they are guilty. As a faithful and devoted lover, there is no reason they should refuse to cooperate in proving their innocence and love.

I suggest going with the Lie Detector over hiring a Private Investigator due to cost. While $300 for a lie detector test may seem like a lot of money, a PI is going to cost you an hourly amount plus mileage.
Throughout the country, fees range from approximately $40-100 per hour. The average hourly rate is around $50-55 per hour. In addition you will likely have to pay a retainer that will be between $500 and several thousand, depending on the amount of work that has to go into your case. If the investigator must travel to catch your cheater on "business trips", all of these costs add up. Is catching someone you KNOW is cheating worth thousands of dollars? The answer could be "YES" or "NO", but I would still highly recommend opting for the lie detector text first.

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