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How to Cheat and Not Get Caught: Infidelity in Marriage Relationships

Updated on June 20, 2013

I want to be very clear that I am not writing this article to condone “cheating” nor infidelity. I am answering a popular Google Search question. But prior to answering the question, I’d like to discuss the Cons of Cheating in a marriage or relationship.

The Cons Of Cheating – Infidelity is a LOT of Work and Stress

Anybody who has had affairs will tell you that being unfaithful takes a lot of work, and no “job” is 100% stress-free. In fact, the harder you try to be unfaithful, the more stress you will incur. Things to consider:

You’re reading this article most likely because you are in the beginning stages of cheating. Perhaps you are fantasizing about it or maybe the lines of communication with someone you can envision yourself cheating with have opened. Or, maybe you have already taken steps and the fear of getting busted is overwhelming. Either way, you’re ALREADY experiencing stress due to being unfaithful. You will never be able to get beyond the stress; it will only worsen.

“How will this be stressful?”, you ask. Well, cheating is lying. And lying is something you know is wrong. But on top of that, you will have to continually create lies, remember lies and rearrange schedules; all in attempt to convenience both of your “secret lives”.

As time goes on, you have to deal with emotions; even if you intended on only cheating on your significant other for strictly sexual purposes. Your emotions will include one or more of the following: guilt for your actions, anger towards the person you are cheating with when he/she becomes uninterested or demands you leave your partner for him / her, depression when neither individual is available to give you attention, sadness when you think about your family, continual paranoia of getting caught… the emotions are endless.

Then, you ultimately have to decide: If you don’t get caught, are you really OK with “taking the secret to the grave”? If you ARE perfectly fine with living with lies, then you need to look deeper at what kind of relationship you really have. If your partner is loving and trusting, the anxiety will probably kill you before natural death does. If you are so unhappy with your partner that cheating is your “only option”, then you genuinely need to reconsider your entire relationship; would you rather have your partner start lying and keeping secrets or would you rather have him / her leave you, even if temporarily? I know I’d opt for the latter.

Anyway, cheating is a choice, and like I said, I am answering a popular Google Search about How to Cheat and Not Get Caught – so for those of you who are OK with completely giving up and too weak to overcome temptation or seek help to save your relationship; here’s your answer:



The required methods to cheat are: 1. Conversation, 2. Meeting and 3. Covering All Tracks. So lets start with Conversation:


The biggest mistake you can make when it comes to cheating is to leave behind evidence. Conversation is the #1 way that cheaters are busted; Facebook chats, emails, text messages, phone calls, etc. Plus, all of this evidence can be summoned in court (if a divorce is filed). Instead, opt to use an encrypted messaging service from your cell phone. You could attempt to make a fake facebook, but I have already wrote about the legalities of doing so. The one thing I didn’t mention in my article was that a very good friend of mine attempted this with the sole purpose being to cheat on his wife. He was not aware that his wife had an Undetectable Keylogger installed on their PC when she suspected cheating and easily discovered his actions. It has been years since then and their relationship is still miserable due to her lack of trust based on the extremes he went to in effort to hide his infidelity.


Meeting the person you are cheating with takes a lot of work. You will need to only pay in cash, as any credit card or debit card records are traceable. Cash will need to be withdrawn from your account at least a week prior to meeting so there is no matchable inconsistencies in your “stories” (AKA lies). You may need to make multiple withdrawals if you need a larger sum of money; and you will need matching “excuses” to back up the withdrawals if “S***”-hits-the-fan”. You could come up with a story like “People at work are playing Football Squares. I bought several”; but in the end, you will have to keep on making up financial lies... and supporting two relationships.

You have to choose meeting places and parking based on being undetectable. Although your partner may be at home while you are on your “date” that does not mean that all of his / her friends, family, coworkers and acquaintances are as well.

The technology of cell phones is enough to get someone unintentionally busted, here’s an example: My friend and I went out to the bar one night. We had other patrons buy us several drinks (3 a piece) but we couldn’t drink them fast enough, so we had 6 full drinks sitting on our table. I thought it would be funny to take a photo for Facebook of my friend with 6 drinks in front of him. As soon as my flash on my cell phone went off, the couple sitting behind us FREAKED OUT. The man basically rushed to our table and asked what I was taking a photo of. I was so confused. I said “My friend, Scott”. He said “Are we in the photo????” I told him I did not know, then I pulled up the photo on my phone. Indeed, he and his date were in the photo… yet I had no intention of photographing them. He begged me to delete the photo and offered to buy us both a drink if I did. Needless to say, I did delete it for the free drink. But this just goes to show how easily someone can absolutely unintentionally post a photo of your infidelity without having a second thought (or care).


The final step that has to be considered is to hide all evidence. This is likely going to include bringing a change of clothing with you so you can change for your date then change back into your regular clothing to avoid any odors of perfume / cologne, etc. If you really into cheating, you can do as a female friend of mine did and outright faked having a gym membership at a PRIVATE club (that her husband could not enter) then showering at her “boyfriends” home before coming home to her husband. Once again; this only lasted about 8 months before she was caught based on his suspicions and her vehicle not being in the parking lot while she was messaging him claiming to be at the private club.

I have seen people attempt to go to the extremes of getting a second cell phone to hide infidelity, but in the end, you have to somehow keep this phone near you and you run the risk of it being found.

Claiming the phone is your “friends” will only buy you one time, but your partner will likely have a major Red Flag.

In order to hide all evidence you have to be able to live two separate lives, with perfect accuracy and no guilt. The problem with this is that the more lies you have to create, the more you have to rehearse and remember these lies. If you are only lying to one person, yet completely honest with the person you are cheating with, you have LESS lies, yet you still have to be able to recall what you claimed to do on which day; a single slip-up and everything is blown. Unless you are a fantastic liar or have an exceptionally gullible partner, your lies are a ticking time bomb.


Lie 1: I’m going to the gym

Problem: Unless you are able to maintain a perfect physical condition or genuinely divide your time (i.e: 40 minutes for your new lover and 20 minutes for the gym) you will eventually be questioned on how you workout so often yet never change any appearance. Anyone with common sense would realize that 3+ hours at the gym each week would physically change you

Lie 2: I’m working late

Problem: Where’s the money? A second relationship is going to cost money; even if your new significant other pays. You still have gas costs and God forbid birthdays or holidays. So if you’re working extra hours, where is the pay for these hours? Sure, you can claim they are somehow mandatory or unpaid or part of your salary, but at some point, this must end.

Lie 3: I have to go out of town

Problem: Ok, so be it. We all have went out of town at some point, but once again; who is footing the bill for this? Are you going to end up on the internet as described in my personal account of cheaters at the local bar? This is high risk because it IS “a small world”. I have ran into people all over the country that I never expected to run into.

Lie 4: Random lies: Flat tire, car broke down, fell asleep, phone died, got lost, business meeting ran late, etc

Problem: Once again, time is ticking. While anyone would accept a “flat tire” story, where is the new tire? While anyone can understand a dead cell phone; were there absolutely NO other people whose phone you could use to call and say you’re going to be late? … All of these outright lies only buy you a quick evening. The more of these lies you create, the quicker you become untrustworthy.


Remember, trust is earned, not given. Once you destroy trust it can be hard or impossible to ever get back. AND, the ‘grass is always greener on the other side of the fence’ is TRUE. Everything ALWAYS seems perfect with someone you DON’T have REAL RELATIONSHIP STRESS with – just wait; you’ll move in with them and find out they are also flawed just like every human being…. And his / her flaws could be FAR, FAR worse than your significant others.

I strongly encourage, instead of seeking ways to cheat; seek help. If you have zero desire to seek help then it is time to either leave your relationship or have a very serious hear-to-heart with your partner.


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    • dashingscorpio profile image


      18 months ago

      Very interesting article.

      The goal of most cheaters is to hold onto all that is "good" in their primary relationship while addressing their other "needs" on the side. Very few people are looking to replace one relationship with another one. Their goal is to "compliment what they already have or fill in the perceived missing gaps.

      "The biggest mistake you can make when it comes to cheating is to leave behind evidence." I think that the second biggest!

      1. Avoid Sudden Changes!

      In my opinion the biggest mistake a person can make with regard to cheating is making "sudden changes" in habits or behaviors towards their mate or spouse.

      For example if you had established a pattern of always calling them back in a few minutes after a missed call or coming home immediately after work and having dinner at a particular time; The minute you "suddenly stop" doing those things you're likely to (raise suspicions).

      Unless one has a career that requires a lot of traveling or being away from home they're going to have a challenge finding time to be apart from their "significant other" in order to cheat.

      One of the main reasons why people get caught cheating is because it was for the most part a "spontaneous act". It was not something they planned six months or year before they did it.

      Where as if they had started feeling unhappy but due to the other circumstances did not want to file for a divorce that was the time to start cultivating changes slowly that would allow for time apart without raising suspicions.

      Examples might be joining a group that covers hobbies and interests which meets once or twice a month. After each meeting you can say the group goes to Starbucks for an hour or two. Establishing this pattern (before cheating) with someone allows your mate time to get use to you being away for hours. Another tactic often used is enrolling in a night class and claiming to attend a study group once a week.

      Lastly many people establish the fact that they need "Me time" or "girls night" or "boys night" out for bonding with their own gender. If it's something which was done right from the beginning of your relationship it won't raise suspicions if you continue it for the rest of your life. The key is to not let your friends develop a "emotional connection" with your mate which could cause them to have a difficult time with choosing sides.

      Bottom line is gradually establish new patterns before you cheat.

      2. Make sure the "other person" knows of your situation.

      It's hard enough lying and sneaking around to hide things from your mate/spouse but to have to be doing the same thing with the person you're cheating with is way too much work!

      In this modern era there are lots of people willing to have sex and fun with attached or married people. In fact there are cheating websites and apps these days. And if you're attractive woman there is no shortage of guys who would be willing to have sex with you regardless of marital/relationship status.

      There are two types of cheating motives.

      1. The desire to have a more passionate sex life.

      2. A desire to forge an emotional connection you don't have.

      Those who are in it for pure sexual pleasure are least likely to get caught as long as they use protection and avoid pregnancies.

      However those looking for a "romantic affair" with someone special are far more likely to get caught. These are the people who will stockpile greeting cards, loves notes, and other mementos from their illicit affair due to emotional attachment.

      If their mate/spouse doesn't catch them they run the risk of the "other person" reaching a point where they push for them to walk away from their marriage or relationship. He or she may even choose to confront their mate/spouse.

      Essentially they reach a point where they don't want to "share".

      If you're cheating for "emotional needs" you might consider ending your relationship or marriage rather than increase your odds of getting caught. Only in Hollywood movies and old romance novels do you see secret 10-20 year lover affairs.

      People in long-term "emotionally invested" affairs get caught.

      The best way to avoid getting caught is not to raise suspicions!

      Everything else is about having secret email accounts, a voicemail service where the other person can leave messages, deleting internet history, not giving out your cell number ..etc

      Last but not least be choosey with whom you cheat with!

      No one condones cheating but if you're gonna cheat don't get caught!


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