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How to understand and develop rapport in relationships with men

Updated on March 24, 2012
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Ben is scientist, teacher, researcher and author who loves to help you to be more, do more and achieve more. He is an Amazon kindle author


Making your relationships work

This question how to understand men was asked in the Hubpages, but to answer this question I felt that I'll make the question more applicable to may be solving a particular problem. The first question "How to understand men" was rather vague. This is because it sets you thinking; why do I need to understand men, what is understanding, and who are men? The first question we need to find answer to is what is understanding? Is understanding a continuum and if so how do we handle it? Who are men? Is there a way that they behave which has made them to be men? Why do I need to understand them? May be to develop rapport and work more closely with them in a relationship. This article will try to explore the topic: how to understand men and develop rapport with them in relationships.

Category of men

When we say we want to understand men we need to narrow our thought to what type or category of men we are talking about. Do we mean young men, middle aged men or old men? Imagine any of these men were to be your customer or client what is one important thing you'll like to know about them so as to serve them more effectively. You will agree with me that there core desires, values and wants will vary due to their status; age bracket wise.

Therefore you need to understand their habits in terms of their thought, feelings, and behaviours. At least they perform these three acts daily. What will be important to you will be to understand what motivates them to do what they do or don't do or in fact their behaviour?

Developing understanding

Understanding is internal. What do I mean by that? It's based on internal reference built over a long period which we develop different framework to built our judgement about a situation. Each time we face the situation we unconsciously go to the area of the brain the neo cortex where the information is lodged so as to get feedback.

Old pattern, percepts and responses are matched against new ones. Understanding is not easy as some will presume. It is a learning process and like most learning processes will move you out of your comfort zone so as and this requires effort, commitment, time and willingness to get results. When you say you understand a situation, it means that that situation is predictable. predictability has to do with profound knowledge about any subject. Hence understanding men means that you can predict them. But this premise is not entirely true because men can change their mind and this is their freedom of choice. Arming yourself with this knowledge will help you not to be a control freak but an intelligent being with the capacity and ability learn, grow and adapt to new circumstances and situations. Understanding men is a call to understand yourself so that you can built rapport with yourself and other and be understood. The understanding that you want about men may as well begin with you.

How to develop rapport

As human beings we are continually being bombarded with informations through our senses throughout our entire waking hour. We consciously or unconsciously respond to these stimuli of informations that barrage our senses. The resultant effect is that our brain processes these information and filters the feedback back to us through our motor neurons for execution. We need to understand that as individuals we have preference patterns we use to communicate this information to the world around us. With time these windows through which we prefer to communicate culminates to our frame of mind or attitude. Developing rapport with people must stem from understanding this principle and trying to figure out how others process and respond to similar or dissimilar formation. Some people call it "point of view."

Developing rapport with yourself and desiring to understand how others prefer to think and respond in different situation will develop your communication skills as a relational being which is what we are as human beings.

Why do you want to understand men

The motive to understand men will be different for different people. The desire to understand men is important in marriage relationship because you want your marriage to work. Most marriage relationships have failed because the actors are selfish, proud, and control freaks that would want to get certain results for their own selfish advantage, This will only work for short term but on long term basis your machinations will be revealed by the light of day. The basis for any marriage relationship and indeed on relationship is based on love and mutual understanding. These are the "engine oil" that removes the frictions of lack of understanding in these associations. Love covers multitudes of sins. Love makes room for understanding and breeds forgiveness in relationships.

If the desire to understand men is a problem. Then the solution is to pay attention to what is causing this misunderstanding. Remembering that for every cause there is effect. What is the cause of this problem?

Where and when does it occur - the environment.

What happens when this problem happens - the behaviour.

What is the motive behind this problem - the value and believe

How does this problem develop - the process and strategy

Who else is involved when this problem starts - other people involved in the relationships

Who is involved in the problem - the identity

Understanding the problems in these levels for your relationship will equip to learn and change so as to bolster your relationship whether you are a man or women

For example your arguement with your man could be lack of understanding in in not understanding in the use of language at these levels. Say for example, you saw a pair of socks in that lounge belonging to your husband. May be you are a house proud wife and you lashed out with this question:

"Who kept this sock here."

And, your husband answered back. "Why are you asking"?

Listen to the conversation: He has the right to simply say: "Dear, it's me."

But your first question is a question of identity "who" and in his answer he is questioning your motive, "why."

Developing rapport in continuing with this discussion could be the only reason for trouble not brewing in this conversation. Understanding demands that you following your discussions on the same level. For example, you could say, dear, I just wanted to know. Or to escalate the situation you may say: Who do you think you are, "I don't want to see this socks here again?"

You are now talking at different levels. You are talking at the identity and environmental level.

Understanding men won't come easily you need to understand yourself to be understood and use such knowledge to develop rapport in your relationship.


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