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Mr. Rebound or Mr. Right?

Updated on April 14, 2012

The new guy after a break-up

So you’ve met a new guy after a difficult or painful break-up – great! But don’t fall into the trap of a rebound relationship. You want Mr. Right, not Mr. Rebound. Right off the bat, it has to be said that if you are still emotionally attached to your ex you are probably not giving the new guy a fair deal. This may cause a new relationship to be short lived. Remember that while it may help you to move on… the feelings of the other person have to be considered. Be emotionally responsible. If you really like this guy and want it to go somewhere, here are a few guidelines to ensure your new relationship has a fair chance:

  • Do not talk about your ex. Although many of your recent stories are likely to involve your ex, your new (or potentially new) partner will soon tire of hearing about him. It gives the impression you are not over the relationship which will most likely put the brakes on a new one.
  • Don’t make the new guy pay for your ex’s mistakes! Just because your ex did things which were hurtful to you, doesn’t mean the new guy will. Even if certain things trigger bad memories and you think you know the story; you don’t. Judge the new guy on the things he does, not on the things your ex did. Give him a fair go!
  • Don’t get emotionally dependent on the new guy. You may feel like you want to spend all your time with him to keep your emotions focused and feel wanted, but don’t get carried away. Keep busy with your own interests, your own goals and make time for your friends and family. Build your own life and include him in it – don’t make him your life! Besides, having lots going on in your own life is an attractive quality.
  • Try not to compare the new guy with your ex. People are different in different ways. Appreciate his attractive qualities and learn about who he is as an individual, not who he is compared to your ex. Chances are, if you are comparing qualities that you liked about your ex, you may have blown them a little out of proportion. Your ex is probably not the genius you think he was, or the best looking, or whatever. And even if he was, the new guy is sure to have something amazing about him too - if you stop comparing and notice.
  • Take your time assessing the suitability of this new relationship. don't dive in head first - take it slow. Notice what he does, not just what he says. For example if you love animals and he says he loves animals too, consider how true this is. Does he have any animals? Does he stop to pat a dog? You want to know what you're getting into, so be observant. You don't want to wake up one day, arms deep in nappies and realize this man is not who you thought he was.

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