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Finding love after 40: Overcoming “I'm too old to date syndrome”!

Updated on July 9, 2013

Is 40 too old to date? How old is too old?

Many men and women who are divorced or single in their 40's are terrified of re-joining mature dating scene.

My newly single friend Alison who's 40 says “"I can't go on a date. I'm 40!”, “I'll be single for ever”, this is what most newly single men and women think about re-entering a dating scene. As they have spent most of their lives in a marriage, they are afraid to speak with strangers, to have a casual flirt, they don't know how to start a conversation, or what to answer if someone will ask them something. These people are often lonely because most of their friends are married couples who have no idea what it is like to be divorced or be single at 40.

So I called my friend a psychologist and relationship counselor, who works with people over the age of 35-45 to help them to become confident and to find their place in the dating world.

Here is what she thinks about "I can't go on a date. I'm 40!" syndrome :

"Nonsense! 40 is the perfect age to start or re-enter a dating world.

I know many happy couples who have met each other in their 40 + and they say that they have never been happier than now even in their 20's.

The fact is there is no “Too old age” to date, to love, to feel passion, people who think like this are wrong, they just don't want to be happy and feel the joy of life.

For those of you who want to start a new relationship, to find a date I have a few simple advice:

  • Believe in Love!
  • Don't afraid to meet other people. Make an effort to overcome the fear and you'll see how many nice and friendly people there are.
  • Open yourself to the world. Don't wear desperation sign on your forehead, go out, talk to people, join community where you can meet other people of your age.
  • Be confident in yourself. It might sound funny but it really helps, look in the mirror and practice a few pick-up lines so that you feel more confident when talking to someone.
  • Be friendly and smile. People who have positive outlook attract other like-minded people. Try to smile every time you are around other people, make jokes.
  • Stay positive no matter what. Every one has a soulmate it's only a matter of time to meet your perfect match."

I agree with my friend, I know it from my own experience, if you genuinely believe in love you'll find it sooner or later. At 40 life isn't over, it's only a beginning of a new, exciting part of your life.

What are you afraid of when starting a new relationship at 40?

See results

They are over 40 and they are very happy together

As you can see finding love being mature is real, love doesn't have any limitations.

Though finding your soul mate can be a really difficult task, to facilitate it and make the process enjoyable you can browse through, a specialized dating platform where you can meet thousands of like-minded mature singles and find your perfect life partner.

The Key Feature of each Zodiac Sign

Sign of the Zodiac
A Key Feature

And to complete the hub I would like to put wise love quotes of famous people:

"Better to have loved and lost, than not to have loved at all."

Lucius Annaeus Seneca

"We cease loving ourselves if no one loves us."

Germaine de Stael

"Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss life."

Leo Buscaglia

Love and be loved at any age!


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    • profile image


      10 months ago

      What about those of us who are never-married and struggled with overcoming abuse and homelessness for 20+ years, instead of "career building"? I'm guessing that the advice would be to "focus on yourself" (easier said than done when you have very little in the way of financial resources) and whatnot. Here's the problem, though; self improvement is pointless if you never see any ROI. Sure, self esteem is great, but does no good if you're still undateable because you're poor / have few friends / still have roommates over 40 / have no family.

      What then? Just accept that you'll have to save up for a male hooker so you can have birthday sex? I already accept (because its been the rule for the past decade plus) that i'll be spending every end of year holiday alone, so now what?

    • AmandaJon profile imageAUTHOR

      Amanda Jones 

      5 years ago

      Hi Sue,I see, nice to hear that you do want to date just waiting for YOUR man, you're a gorgeous woman, maybe if you give a man a chance, he will surpass your expectations, who knows, it's my personal opinion.

      Good luck!


    • Sue Bailey profile image

      Susan Bailey 

      5 years ago from South Yorkshire, UK

      AmandaJon, I probably wouldn't turn him down if he was genuinely nice and made me feel good. I haven't ever met anyone like that since I was on my own though.

    • AmandaJon profile imageAUTHOR

      Amanda Jones 

      5 years ago

      Hi Pinto2011, thanks for your comment. Positive outlook is always the best choice!

    • pinto2011 profile image


      5 years ago from New Delhi, India

      Hi AmandaJon! I think the nature takes is own course and throws upon us various propositions, but our natural instinct and inner thoughts prevailing at that juncture do affects the trajectory of life. Thoughts like this are enough to keep the life get going in a positive way.

    • AmandaJon profile imageAUTHOR

      Amanda Jones 

      5 years ago

      Thank you so much. It's too bad that you chose to be single, but it's your decision and I can't judge you. Life is beautiful at 50 I'm sure about it, even though I'm not 50 yet.

      Will you date if a nice man ask you? or will you reject him?

    • Sue Bailey profile image

      Susan Bailey 

      5 years ago from South Yorkshire, UK

      Voted up and shared. I have resolved to stay on my own now. I find it too daunting to even think about finding a new partner in my late 50's!

    • AmandaJon profile imageAUTHOR

      Amanda Jones 

      5 years ago

      Thank you so much for your kind words! Lucky you! I also met my perfect man online 5 years ago. You are so right never say never, anything is possible!

    • Suzie HQ profile image

      Suzanne Ridgeway 

      5 years ago from Dublin, Ireland

      Hi Amanda,

      Brilliant hub! I met my soul mate and current partner of 6 years online dating at 41 when I never thought in a million years I would try it! Just shows you never say never, you never know! Thanks so much for sharing this and your other great ones written by one who has been there! Voted up, useful, interesting & shared!

    • AmandaJon profile imageAUTHOR

      Amanda Jones 

      5 years ago

      Thank you Dora. Exactly. We are born to bring love to the world, Love is what make all of us happy!

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 

      5 years ago from The Caribbean

      More good advice for the over-fortys. Life is about relationships; why not a love relationship among all the others?

    • AmandaJon profile imageAUTHOR

      Amanda Jones 

      5 years ago

      Thanks Habee , glad to have like-minded people!

    • habee profile image

      Holle Abee 

      5 years ago from Georgia

      Very inspiring hub! You're never too old to desire the companionship of a kindred spirit. Voted up!


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