Single Motherhood and Dating PART4: Trusting Again, Dating Again
Part 4 in Single Motherhood and Dating Series
TRUST-
They say trust is earned not given. When trust is shattered it can takes an extremely long time to heal and trust again if we ever do. It can leave us harden and bitter to open up and trust again.
Single Mom Through Divorce, Choice, Abandonment, Widowed
No matter how we became single moms it ended pretty much the same way. The one we loved left us leaving our hearts broken and perhaps even our trust shattered. Some women can rebound like there is no tomorrow even after having a child. You see them a couple of weeks or months later with a new guy and are also making the mistake of making him Mr. Daddy. I can not really fathom that and I wonder was it really love if six week later you are all in love with a new guy and want to make him Mr. Daddy? For the ones that truly loved and your hearts shattered we take time off to heal and mend the broken pieces. After months, years you decide to get back out there and try to love again and date again. You have of had a few dates, but what soon comes into play is can you really trust again?
He Could Be the One?
What happens when he could be the one….can you trust again? It’s easily that your heart can love again; the mind though hinders you back as you remember all the failures and hurt of the past, or of a love that can never be forgotten. What makes this one different? Your heart says one thing but your mind says another and your mind and heart are now at war. Once again can you really trust again? Take the chance on love again? Give your heart over to someone again? Remember though trust is earned not given, yet do you even want to give someone a benefit of a doubt to earn the trust? It is easier to just say no and close yourself off, at least that way you will not get hurt again. Still you won’t be able to receive love again either. Who would wants someone who can not trust again with such deep issues? The answer to that is simple it is someone who truly loves you. It is someone who sees the mess that you are and wants to love you with their heart and soul anyway. Is that not the ideal Mr. Right?
Haunted Past
Now most single motherhood and dating articles period do not really talk about the deeper issues of dating again. This is why I am writing this series and I am getting to the nitty gritty of being a single mom and dating again. Most totally skip the self enlightening part that gets you to that spot where you want to date again. Most skip the paralyzing fear once you cross the dating again threshold or they do and its filled with hard core feminism. I am a balance of ditzy girly and feminism. I am soft still yet I can be hard and lay a smack down if I want to, don’t even doubt be cause I am a female. I do love a good shoe sale though. Past failures at love change us; betrayal shakes and shatters our trust. The famous quote of time is “Time heals all wounds.” This is false yet true. My wounds have healed, but I am scared and left embittered and paranoid into trusting no one. Not even my family, not even myself! Due to past failures I wonder can I trust my judgment again? Do I stay safe and alone? Or do I take a chance on romance again? I worry if I just hide I may miss out on a person that could be great for me. I also worry is this person for real? A strange occurrence happened too of mistaken identity. He claims it was not him, do I believe his words? Do I let him prove himself? If I don’t will I be losing out on the one that could be good for me? I do not know if he could be the one. I am still skeptical of him, but it seems he is not giving up and is out to prove he is sincere. This seems to be now a bit like the Taming of the Shrew.
Incase you Missed
Single Motherhood and Dating Part 1
Comments
I hope this hub become an inspiration for single mom. Haunted past is a problem and it made single mom never thought again in dating. Don't worry, I support you from the back. Nice hub!
Janny, I don't know the answer to your question. I think prayer and meditation get us in touch with our inner selves and that helps. I trust that little feeling I get in my stomach now, which means I trust my instincts. I didn't back during my awful first marriage and for a while after the divorce. Best of luck with moving ahead with your life.
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Thank you Prasetio. Many blessings your way my friend.
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Aww bless you Pamela. So you kind of understand after a bad relationship it takes some time to trust again even ourselves. Which can lead to bad choices. My message in this is number 1 if you feel this way you're not alone and 2 that we need to get ourselves right before we may even consider dating again. For we can often fall into the same traps as before. That is most important now being that we are moms now too.
It is hard!
Anything that causes a trust breech can throw you into martyrdom and distrust. Every person has a way to deal with these matters, and as you said: It takes guts to become trusting again! But then again, life goes on, even if it means being more cautious, you cannot allow yourself to wilt and die, because human beings need love...
Very thought provocative. Amazingly enough, some men have also been prey of their own naivete and it isn`t easy jumping the arena and taking the risk with a leopardess posing as a sheep!
Thumbs up!
Warmest regards and infinite eternal blessings,
Al
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Thank you Mystique. I am honored you stopped by my humble little hub series. Very too trust same thing can happen with men as well. Thank you again so much.
Trust can be so difficult to regain once lost. I asked a woman to marry me when I was younger, not knowing there was another guy around and she was getting ready to move away with him.
You touched on to the key, however. If you can trust yourself and your own judgment again--if you can realize that past hurts weren't your fault--then you will know when it is okay to trust someone else. It ain't easy to get there, I know.
Thanks for sharing your insights, Janny!!!
Mike
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Welcome Mike. It is a long process indeed and Im a bit stubborn too so sometimes I got to get an angelic wing smack to go gee lighten up girl quite the martyr.
Thanks for commenting.
Janny, you are a thinker and seem to have exceptional insight. I agree with Mike that trusting yoruself and your own judgment again is key. It is hard - we don't want to get knocked down again and we also don't want to dig in that same old tool box and pull out useless tools (those things we used before to fix our insecurities and issues) a person such as yourself, who thinks ahead, plans & evaluates would likely be cautious. I guess you pray hard, think clearly, love freely, trust God and then pray hard again....
love your insights.
CS
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Thank you coffee. Yeah I am told I something think too much Lol.
Hello babygirl. Great honest raw hub. Yes it is difficult when our minds keep our hearts from opening up and loving without fear--it can be very difficult. But if we do not allow our hearts to lead--and allow our tainted minds to overcome...what happens? We over think everything and stop the blessings from God. Many keep their whole lives under protection but live a lonely life if they do not let another inside their heart.
God knows everything-even when we don't--he knows who will be a 'single parent' and the whys behind how we became that single parent of a child. I myself, should have never had premarital sex--but I did and I was blessed with twins. So you start again with a great learning lesson. To those we give our bodies too-as well as our love--we do so in matrimony only. I wish I would have understood this long ago--but I learned just as we all do.
Allowing someone a huge glance into our heart and not into our bed--may be just what that special man or woman needs to see and feel...when it is a 'heart' connection--then I think we can proceed to the alter. I truly believe now that if a man loves me enough--he will wait until we are married. Sex is over rated and it is so much better shared with a great husband! Don't you think so? I do.
Funny, but it helps me out to weed out the guys that are just looking for 'that kind of fun'...if they run away--it means they were never really interested in me and my heart anyways--so the guy who gets me--gets all of me when married--other than that--well I can open my heart to trust a man to go out on a date-enjoy a cocktail-or an icecream-or whatever--it is the sex thing that keeps people untrusting of each other...at least that is what I think. I think it is great to wait for the very best man and just date-pure and simple-friends and lovers later--then it is not so scary to trust..you know what I am saying?
It took me many years lil sis to finally understand this--but when you do right by God--you will receive the right man to marry who will love you and your child/children. Pray for a great man-and follow God's ways. Your heart will open wide for a good man--and you will hear the whispers of the bad ones--and reject them. It is all about listening to God. :)
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Thank you Sis your words warm my heart and your words hug my soul.
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