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Singel Motherhood and Dating:PART 1
I am a single mom and I have decided to go back out and date again after a 5 year hiatus. Come follow me as I chronicle my journey into single motherhood and dating.
Weather it be by choice, by divorce, widowed, or the typical loser boyfriend guy that disappears you find yourself being a single mom. The thought of dating again crosses your mind. Problem is we may fall into two categories. Either we want to date again, but feel like you’re a mom now so you can never date again. Or you are ready to date again, but perhaps you are subconsciously looking for that replacement daddy. Let’s look into these two types more though shall we.
Replacement Parent Type
Most women are not really even aware that they might be doing this. I know I even found myself thinking this way and I stopped myself. I had met another single dad and I was a single mom and oh what fun it would be for us to all hang out together and have our kids play together. Then my beautiful scene scratched to a halt as I went erase, erase, erase. No, no this was not good thinking. It was a good thing too for the relationship did not last. If I had pursued that lovely image the repercussions could have been worse off than already was. What if I introduced my child to him and his child? When the relationship fizzled we would have not only heartbroken mom, but a heartbroken child as well, and you may not even know you child is hurting for your so depressed yourself. Sadly some women do this. So you met an awesome single dad. Yours and his do not need to meet right off the bat.
I’m a Mom and Can Never Date Again Type
This is the type that places a little bit of martyrdom on themselves thinking that they are a mom now so they can never date again they are used goods. They think who wants a woman with a child (ren)? They think because they are a mom now that their duty is to stay at home and be just that. Because we are a mom our lives are over and if we go out we are considered a bad mom. This is not true. In fact it’s healthy to get out once in awhile. We all need a mommy break once in awhile so you are not a bad mom to go out with the girls and have some fun or go on a date even. In the long run it will make us a better mom too. Do this sparingly though.
Advice, Advice, Advice
There are a lot of advice and tips out there so here I will share some of my rules. I have set for myself.
- Set rules for yourself. When I decided I wanted to date again I knew it was not going to be like it used to be. I got new priorities now and I set rules for myself.
- Figure out if your casual dating,or if your looking for something serious as in relationship.
- If you’re seriously dating do not make the guy an instant parental partner. Take some time and make sure this guy really is the one then introduce him to the kids.
- No need to introduce every guy you go out with to the kids. My thoughts are my son does not need to know mommy’s dating life he is only 5 This can be easier said than done though as I found out. (My beloved son is no dummy for he asks Mommy you going out with a guuuyyyy)
- Do not be pushed. If the guy does not understand you are a busy mom first then he can go bye, bye.
- Date according to your kids. This is for if your looking into serious dating and relationship. I am casual dating at the moment but still I look in the guy and think can he be good with my child? Just in case things could get serious.
- Lastly learn to compromise your rules too cause love does not come with a set of rules.
Read Rest in the Series
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- Single Motherhood and Dating: Part 6
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