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Singel Motherhood and Dating:PART 1

Updated on May 5, 2016

I am a single mom and I have decided to go back out and date again after a 5 year hiatus. Come follow me as I chronicle my journey into single motherhood and dating.

Weather it be by choice, by divorce, widowed, or the typical loser boyfriend guy that disappears you find yourself being a single mom. The thought of dating again crosses your mind. Problem is we may fall into two categories. Either we want to date again, but feel like you’re a mom now so you can never date again. Or you are ready to date again, but perhaps you are subconsciously looking for that replacement daddy. Let’s look into these two types more though shall we.

Replacement Parent Type

Most women are not really even aware that they might be doing this. I know I even found myself thinking this way and I stopped myself. I had met another single dad and I was a single mom and oh what fun it would be for us to all hang out together and have our kids play together. Then my beautiful scene scratched to a halt as I went erase, erase, erase. No, no this was not good thinking. It was a good thing too for the relationship did not last. If I had pursued that lovely image the repercussions could have been worse off than already was. What if I introduced my child to him and his child? When the relationship fizzled we would have not only heartbroken mom, but a heartbroken child as well, and you may not even know you child is hurting for your so depressed yourself. Sadly some women do this. So you met an awesome single dad. Yours and his do not need to meet right off the bat.

I’m a Mom and Can Never Date Again Type

This is the type that places a little bit of martyrdom on themselves thinking that they are a mom now so they can never date again they are used goods. They think who wants a woman with a child (ren)? They think because they are a mom now that their duty is to stay at home and be just that. Because we are a mom our lives are over and if we go out we are considered a bad mom. This is not true. In fact it’s healthy to get out once in awhile. We all need a mommy break once in awhile so you are not a bad mom to go out with the girls and have some fun or go on a date even. In the long run it will make us a better mom too. Do this sparingly though.


Advice, Advice, Advice

There are a lot of advice and tips out there so here I will share some of my rules. I have set for myself.

  • Set rules for yourself. When I decided I wanted to date again I knew it was not going to be like it used to be. I got new priorities now and I set rules for myself.
  • Figure out if your casual dating,or if your looking for something serious as in relationship.
  • If you’re seriously dating do not make the guy an instant parental partner. Take some time and make sure this guy really is the one then introduce him to the kids.
  • No need to introduce every guy you go out with to the kids. My thoughts are my son does not need to know mommy’s dating life he is only 5 This can be easier said than done though as I found out. (My beloved son is no dummy for he asks Mommy you going out with a guuuyyyy)
  • Do not be pushed. If the guy does not understand you are a busy mom first then he can go bye, bye.
  • Date according to your kids. This is for if your looking into serious dating and relationship. I am casual dating at the moment but still I look in the guy and think can he be good with my child? Just in case things could get serious.
  • Lastly learn to compromise your rules too cause love does not come with a set of rules.


Comments

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    • JannyC profile imageAUTHOR

      JannyC 

      8 years ago

      Thank you loveofnight. That is what I try to show that we should have a plan being a single mom we are mom's now and we have new responsibilites not only to ourselves but our children as well.

    • loveofnight profile image

      loveofnight 

      8 years ago from Baltimore, Maryland

      well done indeed.....thumbs up for you.it is nice to know that this was a well thought out plan and not just something that you through together.

    • JannyC profile imageAUTHOR

      JannyC 

      8 years ago

      Aww thanks Mekenzie. I did read them!

    • Mekenzie profile image

      Susan Ream 

      8 years ago from Michigan

      Janny, you are one smart cookie! I like that you have set standards and rules to protect yourself and your son. Very wise. I'm looking forward to your venture into the world of dating. I wrote a 3 part series about the dating adventures of my friend Sara .. She has had some doozies let me tell you.. LOL

      Blessings!

      Mekenzie

    • JannyC profile imageAUTHOR

      JannyC 

      8 years ago

      Thank you Self healing Guru I am happy to know you enjoyed.

    • Self Healing Guru profile image

      Self Healing Guru 

      8 years ago from Somewhere on Earth

      good job janny,

      i enjoy reading your hubs and waiting for your other story.

      may God give you strength to walk on your amazing journey.

      GBU

    • JannyC profile imageAUTHOR

      JannyC 

      8 years ago

      Thank you praserito.

      Blessings to you!

    • prasetio30 profile image

      prasetio30 

      8 years ago from malang-indonesia

      I was late to know this hub. But I think you are a great mom. As a single parent, I give two thumbs for you. Keep it up!

    • JannyC profile imageAUTHOR

      JannyC 

      8 years ago

      I am Honored you came by Duchess thanks so much. You are so right though! Thanks again so much.

    • profile image

      Duchess OBlunt 

      8 years ago

      Dating just by itself can be complicated. Add children into the mix and it gets even more so. Not that I would know from recent experience, I've been married so long, but I watch my boys and their friends. There seems to be so much drama!

      I wish you all the best JannyC

    • JannyC profile imageAUTHOR

      JannyC 

      8 years ago

      Welcome back Pamela! Thank you so much and yeah think I might title these babies better. Thanks again

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 

      8 years ago from Sunny Florida

      I think I read part 2 first. Oh well, this is very good. I am playing catch up from being out of town. Good hub.

    • JannyC profile imageAUTHOR

      JannyC 

      8 years ago

      Mike thanks so much for your support.

    • JannyC profile imageAUTHOR

      JannyC 

      8 years ago

      DynamicS Thank you! Your comment give me hope.

    • JannyC profile imageAUTHOR

      JannyC 

      8 years ago

      Thank you Missi Darnell for stopping by. I have seen so many single mom make mistakes and do one extreme to the next. Key is balance you can have cake and eat it too in this case.

    • Mike Lickteig profile image

      Mike Lickteig 

      8 years ago from Lawrence KS USA

      Janny, I think you're terrific and should have no problem finding a decent guy to date. It is also important to have a life of your own and not live your life for (and through) your children. Parents who do this sometmes have trouble letting go when their kids grow up, because the kids become their best friend.

      You have clearly thought a lot about how to do things the right way, and I know you will a great guy.

      Mike

    • DynamicS profile image

      Sandria Green-Stewart 

      8 years ago from Toronto, Canada

      JannyC, what an interesting topic and idea! I was a single mother for oh about ten years. I had some of your rules for myself. I did not introduce most of the people I dated to my daughter because something just didn't feel right. Your heart knows it when you meet the right person.

      I wish all the best.

    • Missi Darnell profile image

      Missi Darnell 

      8 years ago from Southern California

      Great hub JannyC! I like your rules and think they offer excellent advice for single moms returning to the dating scene. I wish you well!

    • JannyC profile imageAUTHOR

      JannyC 

      8 years ago

      To Ghost: Thanks sis!!!

      To Coffee: Thank you so much I blessed to be in your prayers.

    • profile image

      coffeesnob 

      8 years ago

      JannyC

      You have lots of good insight here. I would add a covering of prayer and a determination to not settle for less. I know you weren't seekign advice -But i can't help it. I'm a mom and a grandma....I love deeply "Smiles" I will be praying for you in your journey.

    • Ghost Whisper 77 profile image

      The IGNITER vs Corrupted Governments 

      8 years ago from The U.S. Government protects Nazi War Criminals

      Well I just returned and rated you UP UP UP again! Hows that for a quick fix? I am honored to be here and read and also honored that I made the #1 spot.

      YIPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

      THROWING CONFETTI!!!!! BLOWING HORNS!!!! POPPING OPEN CHAMPAGNE!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOO WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

    • JannyC profile imageAUTHOR

      JannyC 

      8 years ago

      Thank you Ghost for being my first comment! *tosses confetti* Your words mean a lot to me. Though my dang the it went down to 49 It was 50 when I posted aww well.

    • Ghost Whisper 77 profile image

      The IGNITER vs Corrupted Governments 

      8 years ago from The U.S. Government protects Nazi War Criminals

      This hub was perfectly written-and of course the rules are intelligent, rational and show the trip-ups of dating when you are a single parent.

      You are rock on when it comes to talking to your child about your 'dating.' So many women I have seen who actually tell their children as if they are 'friends' and they are not friends-they are children! You gave perfect advice.

      I think that you do know that your life is not over when you have a child but just beginning and it will be the best memories of your life time one day Janny!!! Hugs to you!

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