ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Gender and Relationships»
  • Relationship Problems & Advice

The Special Relationship

Updated on May 2, 2012


We give labels to the various kinds of relationships we form with each other and the more intimate the relationship the more special its status in our lives. In this article I consider the real function of relationships and not the illusory function we all accept and never question.

The body as a means of communication

If we accept that relationship is a means of communicating and expressing ourselves to each other then why would any one form of expression be any more special than any other unless of course we have attached meaning to each? A relationship is in essence a form of communication then couldn't we see it as a kind of dance?


In order to enter any kind of relationship with another person we must come to an agreement and that agreement is based on rules. In other words the dance steps must first be mastered before the dance or the relationship can be expressed.

Culture and Belief

Our cultural backgrounds, experiences, and beliefs form the basis upon which we enter relationships. Unless we already share these influences, entering a special relationship becomes difficult but not hopeless. We could choose to ignore or suspend our own cultural biases and beliefs and accept those of the person we wish to enter into a relationship with. We could choose to educate the other person about our values and communicate the personal influences that determine the rules by which we form relationships.

Usually some compromise is reached if the relationship is deemed to be important enough to enter. But one thing is certain, albeit subconscious, we do not enter a relationship unless we feel we are going to get something from it. This, in effect, tells us that we lack something we can only get from another. This belief in lack is, therefore, propagated by the meaning we place on our special relationships.

Rules of Engagement

So from the onset we can see that our relationships are finally determined by the rules by which we live. The rules I speak of here are learned and depend on the culture we grow up in; the experiences we have and the beliefs we form. In essence we communicate our reality with each other and if the other person shares our belief of reality then we are more likely to form a relationship with that person. In the same way if a dance partner keeps standing on your toes no matter how man times you ask them to stop then you would be less likely to continue dancing them.


I don't think anyone would argue with me if I say that friendship rates fairly highly on our scale for relationships. But what makes friendship rate so highly compared to all our other relationships? If friendship is just another form of dance then why attach special meaning to one dance over another?

Special Relationships and The Past

What if all relationships, and especially the ones we call special, are the most effective means used by the ego to keep us separate and believing in the illusion we call life?

In order to form special relationships, and especially intimate ones, we need bodies without which the “special” relationship is meaningless. What most people fail to realise is that the value we invest in our earthly relationships bind us to our bodies in a way that leaves us no alternative but to return to this earth again and again in bodies to express the dance of life and death.

Our special relationships therefore bind us to the past more securely than any other experience and in this way the ego ensures that we remain asleep. To wake up from this sleep would require us relinquishing our special relationships and this for someone asleep would be deemed insane. But for those who have woken up and realise the truth that for all this you gave up nothing!

The illusion of the special relationship designed to keep us apart

We are all one and it is in giving special meaning to our relationships that we imagine we are our bodies and separate from each other. We seek to complete each other through special relationships that ultimately only serve to keep us chained to the past and asleep to who we really are. The truth lies behind the veil we sleep behind. The ancient ones called the veil “maya” which means illusion!

No special relationship is experienced in the present. Shades of the past envelop it, and make it what it is. It has no meaning in the present, and if it means nothing now, it cannot have any real meaning at all.” - A Course in Miracles

An Introduction to Special Relationships


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Spirit Whisperer profile image

      Xavier Nathan 5 years ago from Isle of Man

      Thank you Alastar, as I too return to the Twilight Zone LOL!

    • Alastar Packer profile image

      Alastar Packer 5 years ago from North Carolina

      Believe you nailed it with "...compromised is reached..." my friend. Another deeply insightful hub Irish; now, back to the illusion i go.

    • Spirit Whisperer profile image

      Xavier Nathan 5 years ago from Isle of Man

      Thank you James. Your visits and comments are always greatly appreciated.

    • James A Watkins profile image

      James A Watkins 5 years ago from Chicago

      Your article is quite interesting. I enjoyed getting to know a bit more about where you are coming from, from your space in this "illusion" that we call life; this mystery we call the world.

    • Spirit Whisperer profile image

      Xavier Nathan 5 years ago from Isle of Man

      always exploring, your loyal support is greatly appreciated. I love the way you are always willing to entertain new ideas and your non-judgmental spirit is makes you so special. Thank you Ruby.

    • Spirit Whisperer profile image

      Xavier Nathan 5 years ago from Isle of Man

      billybuc, You are a welcome visitor and I appreciate you taking the time to comment. I am not sure how you were able to maintain a relationship which made you feel uncomfortable and as a matter of interest are you still in that relationship and what did you learn from the experience? I am just interested when I read things like this. Keep up the great work you are doing.

    • Spirit Whisperer profile image

      Xavier Nathan 5 years ago from Isle of Man

      Hi Bob

      True to form you have once again come back with insightful queries. Yes, you are right I do not even attempt to explain what no words could do justice to. "Who am I?" is the most important question we can ask ourselves and each we spend lifetimes caught in a cycle of death and rebirth until we eventually do wake up. Many have broken the cycle and some come back to tell us. We crucified one of them! But because they tend to make us feel uncomfortable and since most of us are not ready to wake up just yet we dismiss them as insane. Here is a picture I posted in Facebook to decribe what I mean here:

      I am also interested in why you think that I am promoting that we desist from relationship. I did not mean to convey that but rather throw light on the delusional meaning we give to relationships. There is a purpose for relationships but as long as they are used by the ego then we are not using them for their true purpose. I hope you take time to listen to the video I included with this hub as I feel you get it! And Bob, not many do. Thank you for visiting and for for your very insightful comment.


    • Spirit Whisperer profile image

      Xavier Nathan 5 years ago from Isle of Man

      tammyswallow, thank you for visiting and I am glad you found it of interest.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

      This is a great article on special friendship's. Is this why opposites attract? Clearing the mind of old learned cobwebs takes effort and more than one attempt. Sometimes it can be a battle..Thought provoking to say the least..Thank you for sharing your expertise.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Excellent my friend! I had a mentor in AA once who told me I should choose a sponsor who was completely opposite of who I was in order that I learn to form a relationship outside of my comfort zone. This hub reminded me of those words. Great wisdom in this one Xavier!

    • diogenes profile image

      diogenes 5 years ago from UK and Mexico

      Hi Spirit.

      I can see sense in this. But this "artifice," then, which we might call "special relationships" stops us from being - or seeing - what we really are. Yes, we are all one and part of a huge, seething energy field (as far as we now know). If we desisted from relationships which are sexual and result in procreation, this special "energy shape," if you like, would not be duplicated. The thing i find missing in your provoking article is "what we really are" according to your theory.


    • tammyswallow profile image

      Tammy 5 years ago from North Carolina

      Great hub on the metaphysics of a great relationship. I love the part that says we can't experience them in the present, but realize what they were later. Deep, insightful, and interesting!