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Why Don't Women Talk About Sex As Much As Men ?

Updated on August 8, 2015

A provocative topic, many women don’t talk about sex to other women. They talk to women about relationships, but if they talk about sex at all, it will only be to a sexual partner. Why don’t women like to talk about sex as much as men? Their reluctance stems from multiple sources, but the main reason could be their personal confusion about sexual desire and its connection to intimacy and partnership.


Food for Thought

“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.”

~ Billy Crystal

“Among men, sex sometimes results in intimacy; among women, intimacy sometimes results in sex”

~ Barbara Cartland

The common doubts in women about the sex and relationship are:

1. What do we really want physically?

2. Is what we desire morally acceptable and psychologically healthy?

3. What if I get pregnant? Do I want to marry this man? Will this man want to marry me? Is it socially acceptable to be a single mother?

4. What if our physical desire is not satisfied in a relationship that provides the intimacy we crave?

5. What if we are sexually attracted to someone who does not possess the qualities we desire in a marriage or cohabiting partner?

6. Is sex safe ? Apart from having to deal with sexually transmitted disease or HIV/AIDS, will I bring a baby with fatal disease to this world ?

When women find it difficult to talk about their physical desires, they are even more confused by the lack of desire, and will be reluctant to talk about it.

Many women, who have clearer and less conflicted view about sex, are able to talk more concretely about sexuality.


Women's Fear of Not Being Normal

Women seem to spend the first half of their lives learning things, and then the second half trying to unlearn things. They take a keen sense of observation and a plenty of self-analysis to unravel belief systems to find their own truths. It also takes them a lot of courage and determination to go against standard belief or cultural norms, before they decide to live their life according to their own wisdom. The fear of “Not being Normal” stops women from talking about sex, thinking about sex, and perform sex itself. Women would rather live with lies and suppress their true nature than appear to be different.

An online survey has shown that most women don’t usually talk about sex to men she is dating until fifth or sixth date.

Celibacy versus Pre-marital sex today

In the second half of twentieth century, cultural norms about celibacy (unmarried and hence sexually abstinence due to religion) has been challenged. Celibacy, which has been traditionally valued by religious groups and accepted as natural practice in cultures, has come to be seen as unhealthy, shameful and aberrant.

Celibacy, though relevant for many women, has been an issue difficult to discuss by many women. While it is not much talked about, since second half of twentieth century, sexual evolution has begun with a more positive attitude toward pre-marital sex for women. Some single women would even engage in a sexual relationship without the need for permanence or deep intimacy. They don’t conform to the cultural norm linking women’s sexuality with romantic love or to the thought that women and men prefer sex in the context of love, attachment or commitment.

Celibacy is stigmatized today. “Fifty years ago, it took courage for a woman to admit that she was enjoying an active sex life. Today, it takes courage for her to admit that she is not, “ states Sally Cline, a British author.

Having said that, women’s sexuality is, nevertheless, still very much an individualized matter. Each woman’s unique sexuality is influenced by biological component but it is also shaped by how women incorporate cultural ideas about sex. Individual sexual choices are results from a complex interaction of biology, family brought-up, cultural norms, and the social network and institutions in which she participates.

If you are woman, how many times a day do you think about sex ?

See results


The text and all images on this page, unless otherwise indicated, are owned by Ingenira who hereby asserts her copyright on the material. Permission must be granted by the author in writing prior to copy or republish this article in print or online.

© Ingenira 2012


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