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Why Don't Women Talk About Sex As Much As Men ?

Updated on August 8, 2015

A provocative topic, many women don’t talk about sex to other women. They talk to women about relationships, but if they talk about sex at all, it will only be to a sexual partner. Why don’t women like to talk about sex as much as men? Their reluctance stems from multiple sources, but the main reason could be their personal confusion about sexual desire and its connection to intimacy and partnership.


Food for Thought

“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.”

~ Billy Crystal

“Among men, sex sometimes results in intimacy; among women, intimacy sometimes results in sex”

~ Barbara Cartland

The common doubts in women about the sex and relationship are:

1. What do we really want physically?

2. Is what we desire morally acceptable and psychologically healthy?

3. What if I get pregnant? Do I want to marry this man? Will this man want to marry me? Is it socially acceptable to be a single mother?

4. What if our physical desire is not satisfied in a relationship that provides the intimacy we crave?

5. What if we are sexually attracted to someone who does not possess the qualities we desire in a marriage or cohabiting partner?

6. Is sex safe ? Apart from having to deal with sexually transmitted disease or HIV/AIDS, will I bring a baby with fatal disease to this world ?

When women find it difficult to talk about their physical desires, they are even more confused by the lack of desire, and will be reluctant to talk about it.

Many women, who have clearer and less conflicted view about sex, are able to talk more concretely about sexuality.


Women's Fear of Not Being Normal

Women seem to spend the first half of their lives learning things, and then the second half trying to unlearn things. They take a keen sense of observation and a plenty of self-analysis to unravel belief systems to find their own truths. It also takes them a lot of courage and determination to go against standard belief or cultural norms, before they decide to live their life according to their own wisdom. The fear of “Not being Normal” stops women from talking about sex, thinking about sex, and perform sex itself. Women would rather live with lies and suppress their true nature than appear to be different.

An online survey has shown that most women don’t usually talk about sex to men she is dating until fifth or sixth date.

Celibacy versus Pre-marital sex today

In the second half of twentieth century, cultural norms about celibacy (unmarried and hence sexually abstinence due to religion) has been challenged. Celibacy, which has been traditionally valued by religious groups and accepted as natural practice in cultures, has come to be seen as unhealthy, shameful and aberrant.

Celibacy, though relevant for many women, has been an issue difficult to discuss by many women. While it is not much talked about, since second half of twentieth century, sexual evolution has begun with a more positive attitude toward pre-marital sex for women. Some single women would even engage in a sexual relationship without the need for permanence or deep intimacy. They don’t conform to the cultural norm linking women’s sexuality with romantic love or to the thought that women and men prefer sex in the context of love, attachment or commitment.

Celibacy is stigmatized today. “Fifty years ago, it took courage for a woman to admit that she was enjoying an active sex life. Today, it takes courage for her to admit that she is not, “ states Sally Cline, a British author.

Having said that, women’s sexuality is, nevertheless, still very much an individualized matter. Each woman’s unique sexuality is influenced by biological component but it is also shaped by how women incorporate cultural ideas about sex. Individual sexual choices are results from a complex interaction of biology, family brought-up, cultural norms, and the social network and institutions in which she participates.

If you are woman, how many times a day do you think about sex ?

See results


The text and all images on this page, unless otherwise indicated, are owned by Ingenira who hereby asserts her copyright on the material. Permission must be granted by the author in writing prior to copy or republish this article in print or online.

© Ingenira 2012


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    • Shawn M Williams profile image

      Shawn M Williams 3 years ago

      What women are you talking about not being sexual? I find this statement to be false as most of the women I know are wildly sexual in some fashion. They talk about sex a whole lot worse and in more explicit detail than any man ever did. I'm embarrassed to be around them.

    • denden mangubat profile image

      denden mangubat 4 years ago from liloan, cebu, philippines

      sex is natural to married couples but pre-marital sex is a thing without asking God if He will approve that action.

    • Ingenira profile image

      Ingenira 4 years ago

      Thank you, Deborah and xstatic.

    • Ingenira profile image

      Ingenira 4 years ago

      crazymom, as a mother myself, I totally agree with you, we are too busy talking about our kids. And... yes, it is a man's thing.

    • Ingenira profile image

      Ingenira 4 years ago

      lovedoctor, you have a few very good points there.

    • Ingenira profile image

      Ingenira 4 years ago

      Thank you, Galaxy 59 and Mellony, for your comment. I agree with you, some women are actually comfortable talking about this sensitive issue.

    • Ingenira profile image

      Ingenira 4 years ago

      Thank you Thelma. Glad you enjoy reading the article.

    • Ingenira profile image

      Ingenira 4 years ago

      Haha... thanks, Canuhearmescream. Your name is so funny and easy to remember. :)

    • Thelma Alberts profile image

      Thelma Alberts 4 years ago from Germany

      Hahaha..Nice conversation Cat and Ingenira. I was smiling of what I have read. Yap, men are bragging about their sex life and women are laughing about what they know about men and sex. LOL;-)

      Thanks for the very interesting topic. I enjoyed reading it. Have a great sunday!

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image

      Cat 5 years ago from New York

      Ha, thanks! I've got your "How to Feel Happy Instantly" opened, but I'm about to pass out... long day. I'll be reading it in the a.m., I don't think I'm done with you :-)



    • Ingenira profile image

      Ingenira 5 years ago

      lol... cat, you are funny as usual.

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image

      Cat 5 years ago from New York

      Boy am I an idiot or what? I remember coming to your pages today and seeing a ton of hubs I wanted to read, but thought I never had the chance. That must've been after I was already here! I didn't know you were you! :-)


    • Cantuhearmescream profile image

      Cat 5 years ago from New York


      Haha... isn't it funny how men brag, all the while we're laughing (... and I whispered that :-)

    • Ingenira profile image

      Ingenira 5 years ago

      Cat, shhhh..... that's a secret between women.

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image

      Cat 5 years ago from New York


      Of course women talk about sex with each other... what else do you think they're always laughing about? :-)

      Just joking... very good hub, I'm glad you brought it up! :-)

      Voted up and interesting


    • Ingenira profile image

      Ingenira 5 years ago

      Thanks, James. :)

    • James-wolve profile image

      Tijani Achamlal 5 years ago from Morocco

      Very interesting ,convincing and well-written hub.Thanks so much for this perspective.Voted up

    • xstatic profile image

      Jim Higgins 5 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

      This is outstanding and educational as well! I will share this with my wife too.

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 5 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      another very interesting hub.. all women have gone though this.. wanting sex but scared to.. scared to talk about it until they feel like it is the right time

      wonderful hub

      i am sharing


    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 5 years ago

      I believe the issue a lot of women grapple with is whether or not they can truly be “sexually equal” to men in attitude and behavior. As long as they are concerned with what others think of them they will never be equal. Another issue is women don’t “stick together” the way that men do. Men do not look down on men for being sexually active the way some women look down on women that are sexually active. Some omen can be open with close friends when discussing sex. Others are afraid that if they talk about how good things are between them and their man a "friend" might get the idea to (try him out) for herself. Sometimes people don't talk about their sex lives because they don't trust the people around them.

    • crazymom3 profile image

      crazymom3 5 years ago

      I think it depends on what stage of life you are in. In my youth I was incredibly shy and naïve. My parents, in fact, no one had ever discussed sex (real sex, not the video in health class) with me. After having three children and being married I am not at all afraid to talk about sex. I know exactly what I want and how to get it, but I am not preoccupied with the subject. I am too busy with everything else in life:working, cooking, cleaning, taking care of kids, sleeping etc. to give the matter too much thought. I find men, or at least my hubby seems overly preoccupied with the subject. I think it's a man thing.

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 5 years ago

      Great hub! much food for thought here.

      You often hear women talking about intimate details of their sex life among friends in the show Sex and the City. I don't think that a woman should discuss her private sex life with her best friend or anyone for that matter. Just because a question is asked doesn't mean that you have to answer it so if anyone dares to ask how your sex life is going these days with your partner, all you have to do is smile and ask them why do you want to know? Smart women never discuss their relationship with another woman no matter how close they are. It has nothing to do with insecurity, this is just the way it should be if you want to protect your relationship and besides, you don't want to arouse your best friend's curiosity by telling her that your man is a tiger in bed.

    • Mellonyy profile image

      Mellonyy 5 years ago

      Nice hub! I think women talk about sex as much as men, but in a different way. They feel /describe sex emotionally unlike men-they talk about/describe it as a physical act. Voted up and shared!

    • GALAXY 59 profile image

      Galaxy Harvey 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      I think it depends on the women, I know when I get together with my girlfriends sex does indeed get talked about!


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