Can The magic of making up work if still living together but seperated!?

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   craigi73posted 11 years ago

   Can The magic of making up work if still living together but seperated!?
   
   My wife and have just seperated due to my taking her for granted. We have a 1 yr old son so she told me to stay for now, but wants nothing to do with me unless its regarding our son. Says still loves me but doesnt want to get back 'together'. I thanked her for letting me stay (didnt want to go against her kind offer!) but not sure how I can make the system work without the complete space apart. She's still really angry and barely communicates at all, so how can I navigate this without pushing her further away just by being there???

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2. 73

   Rosana Modugnoposted 11 years ago

   First of all, this is not a separation.  It's a long argument without a climax.  Sit down with her, ask her exactly what she wants, what is going on and come to an agreement that is fair for BOTH of you.  If she wants nothing to do with you, leave now.  Don't wait.  If she wants a divorce, then move out and hire an attorney.  Either way, you shouldn't be there is she just said she wants nothing to do with you and doesn't want to get "back together".
   
   Women don't just get angry all of a sudden.  It's been stewing.  And whatever it is, it's not just you taking her for granted.  There is something she isn't telling you.  And the only way to clear it up is to talk to her.  Find a sitter, take her out to dinner and just talk.  Best to do it away from the house.  A different atmosphere brings on a different set of emotions....not the same ones that have been a part of the issue here.

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3. 53

   craigi73posted 11 years ago

   Managed to talk tonight and since the birth of our son ive not attended to her needs, and the more she told me she doesnt need help (when she clearly did) the more frustrated i became at her - vicious circle starts. Unfortunately took her telling me we're finished to wake my head up. Says she still loves me but we should live together to share responsibility for our son. I think i should move out and arrange our sons life in a similar way but with proper space for each other, but this would seem to be going against what she wants! Im in no position to call the shots, and have accepted 100% of the blame for wrecking our family. I have neglected her feelings and therefore been hurtful for almost a year. Ive decided i will not let self-hatred eat me up, but be a good, strong dad. I even believe that with some time and space, her anger could subside and maybe see the person she loves again, but in this situation i seem to be absolutely snookered (im not saying i deserve better by the way). For info, her parents split when she was 7 and she swore her child would not grow up in the same situation. I can only let that ride a short time as if our communication remains almost zero, this will be an awful environment to grow up in when he starts to understand more. She says we should stay, save and sell our joint house. I think seperate space if i rent for say 6 months could buy time for reconcilliation? Confused and stuck!!!

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   jcheng16posted 11 years ago

   well don't try and push her into talking to her, but if you still love her do the little things don't pretend she's not there. Living together might actually help your relationship, if she sees how good you are with your son it'll remind her of the person you are and not all the arguments you've been having. It also gives you the chance to do the little things like help her with chores or make her dinner or at least offer to make dinner. Just showing her your generosity and reminding her why she fell in love with you in the first place. Of course don't try and be with her all the time but if you see her in the morning ask if she wants a cup of coffee nothing more and nothing less. It'll almost be like when people first start to live together they walk on egg shells for a while. Eventually you'll see where things go.

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      craigi73posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      thanks jcheng16. your comments have made me feel all may not be lost if im still under the same roof. going to be real hard but our son helps and now we have a rough routine.

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