What is the psychological difference between men who cheat with a wife's friend

1. 81

   KatyWhoWaitedposted 9 years ago

   What is the psychological difference between men who cheat with a wife's friend or with a stranger?
   
   There are men who have either emotional or physical affairs within the network of friends that the couple has and men who have either emotional and/or physical affairs with a woman the wife doesn't know.  I sense there's a deep psychological difference in motivation between these two groups.  I'm wondering if that psychological difference in the case of a man who cheats with a friend's wife or relative's wife, for that matter, has to do with his competition with the other man.  The closer the couple is to the other couple the more risky and dangerous the behavior.
   
   

   replyreport
2. 81

   dashingscorpioposted 9 years ago

   I'm not sure if there is any "real psychological difference" for the cheaters.
   However I would imagine cheating with someone who is privy to details about the marriage makes it less stressful for the man & woman. They at least don't have to live a double life with them. Cheating is a selfish act. The only motive is to gain pleasure!
   If someone cheats with their friend/relative's spouse it has nothing to do with competition and everything to do with opportunity and convenience.
   The "other man/woman" is well aware of the fact she/he is married and has obligations. There is also the thrill/fun factor of the two of them being able to openly spend time together without raising a lot of suspicion. It might also be more exciting as they have double dates or the couples spend time visiting while they give one another "knowing looks" throughout the evening.
   The real psychological difference is for the betrayed party. After all this means the friend also betrayed him! The husband knows his friend didn't have to remove his wedding ring or pretend like he was single to entice his wife. His friend knowingly chose to have sex with his wife right under his nose and possibly in his bed!
   All the while he was smiling in his face when they had BBQs, watched sports, and had drinks together. His best friend sat and listened to his complaints about the marriage and even offered him advice!
   At least if the "other man" was a stranger the betrayal and heartache would not be twice as painful. If cheating is a "deal breaker" then this person has lost two people because of the betrayal.

   replyreport
   1. 81

      KatyWhoWaitedposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      a thorough analysis, Dashing.  Thanks for your comment. I'm still not sure about the psychological part. If you're a guy, for example, you're not only hurting your wife, but you're betraying a guy friend (or male relative if that's the case). hmmm...

      replyreport
3. 67

   danicoleposted 9 years ago

   The psychological difference between men who cheat with a wife's friend or with a stranger is the loss of trust and betrayal made by cheating with a wife's friend. Cheating with a stranger there is no strings attached and you can vilify that nameless faceless person . Plus its easier to move on and forgive the man that cheated.  As oppose to a friend, which will probably hurt a lot more because you know the person and have a lot more invested in that relationship with that friend. You'll probably feel extremely vulnerable, betrayed, disrespected, and will probably blame yourself. It will be hard to vilify this person and move on because this person is planted in your life. My motto is that the people you love hurt you more than strangers ever can.

   replyreport
   1. 81

      KatyWhoWaitedposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Danicole.  Definitely..."you can vilify that nameless faceless person" (if you're a man, you can vilify the other husband or a woman can vilify the other wife. There's something deep about being able to betray a friend who you know is a good person.

      replyreport
   2. 81

      dashingscorpioposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      KatyWhoWaited, Cheating by it's very nature is a selfish act. The cheater doesn't think about his/her spouse and likewise doesn't think about his/her best friend. They're only out to please themselves. Afterwards they say I never meant to hurt you

      replyreport
   3. 67

      danicoleposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Dashingscorpio that's so true. I call BS to I never meant to hurt you line. Of course that will hurt someone, cheating hurts, especially if it was with a good friend. The cheater really meant to say "you were never supposed to find out." Smh

      replyreport