What ideas have worked to shift one sided relationships into two sided relations

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   threekeysposted 7 years ago

   What ideas have worked to shift one sided relationships into two sided relationships?
   
   

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   dashingscorpioposted 7 years ago

   
   
   People only "change" when (they) are unhappy.
   The goal is to find someone who (already is) what we want.
   Ordinarily it's recommended that one ask their mate for what they want and express to him or her why it is important to them.
   Beware of your tone and the timing of the discussion.
   If he/she feels "attacked" they're going to jump on the defensive. Where as if you simply come across as asking for help you have a better chance. People "in love" want to (help) their mate.
   Understand there are gender differences. Men generally prefer to have a "one and done" conversation on issues.
   Therefore it's important to be as "specific" as possible in order to reduce the odds of needing to have this conversation again.
   If for example a wife says: "I'd like you to help around the house more." That's too (generic) of a request!
   Where as if she proposed:
   He takes responsibility for cleaning up the upstairs portion of the house and she will take care of downstairs. That's being (specific)! He knows his role because it's been spelled out.
   Note: There is no amount of "work" or "communication" that can overcome being with someone who simply does not want what (you) want.
   Last but not least there is the "hail marry" approach.
   If you're truly fed up to the point that this issue is a "deal breaker" if things don't change after discussing it then pack up and leave!
   One or two things will happen either your mate will try to get you back with promises of making changes or he/she will let the relationship/marriage end.
   Either way you'll know just how important you are in their life.
   Note: This approach is to be used when you're seriously (ready to leave).
   If not having you around makes (him/her) unhappy they will attempt changes.
   There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them (as is) or move on. The choice is up to us!
   Note: Very few people are walking around with one hand raised in the air screaming: "I'm looking for someone to change me!"
   Most times we have to decide how important is not getting what we want.
   If it's a "deal breaker" get out!
   If it's  not a "deal breaker" learn to live without!

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      threekeysposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      No no one may be wanting to be changed by another but if you want to be in relationship? You have to cooperate and compromise here and there. So you have to change. In saying that, I understand what you are saying.

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      dashingscorpioposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I agree as long as one is not being asked to change their core values or beliefs. If it's a "major change" needed it might mean one is with the "wrong person".
      Our goal is be with someone who (already is).
      Compatibility trumps compromise!

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      threekeysposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Here, I agree with you dashingscorpio:)

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