Setting Boundaries When Replying to People Who Leave Comments On Hubs.

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   SandCastlesposted 11 years ago

   When I respond to comments, I try to be helpful and I sometimes give advice (my two cents-take it for what it's worth) but I'm not expert. I give advice based on my experience but that doesn't mean I'm a 24 hour hotline.
   
   Someone commented three times on one of my hubs. The first two responses were about the topic of my hub but the third comment (in my opinion) was overly familiar and had nothing to do with my hub and the writer ended the comment with, "I look forward to your reply". So I deleted this comment. People can step over the line and become too familiar. I don't this person and the red flag for me was, "I look forward to your reply". I interpreted this to mean that the person was pressuring me to respond back, like I owed them.

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      SandCastlesposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      correction: I'm not an expert.

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      MelissaBarrettposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Yeah, I think you might be over-analyzing this a bit.

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         SandCastlesposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         Perhaps but one has to be careful.

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      jeffreymaskelposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I understand where you might get that idea. I feel like it was probably not meant that be way. But I also don't know the entire situation. I would not worry if it was me.

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         SandCastlesposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         How can you say that when you haven't even read the responses? I'm not worried but I'm vigilant. Hopefully the person was okay but who knows? I won't answer hubs when the questions become personal. You don't know who's on the other end of the computer, especially when it is a guest user. People should be aware.

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            jeffreymaskelposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound like I was defending them. That's why I was sure to add "But I also don't know the entire situation." I understand how you feel and really can see your point. Your correct. People should be very careful. I guess I just haven't seen much to be worried about on here. I am very fresh though. I have a lot to learn.

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               SandCastlesposted 11 years agoin reply to this

               The person was complaining about their wife (on my narcissist hub) and I gave him (the married man) my two cent advice and then he shared a poem and then, in my opinion, in the third hub response, he started getting personal (nothing to do with my hub in my opinion) and writes, "I look forward to your reply". I am not going to get into a dialogue with a married man where I discuss poetry and his rotten wife. I gave advice, mostly about spending time with his kids but I got the gut feeling that something was amiss, not quite right. He should be talking to his buddies or a counselor. I'm a female. I am not going to converse with a married man. Perhaps I shouldn't have given any advice at all. I made sure to state that it was my opinion and I felt bad for him because he named himself damaged dad and it sounds like he is in a bad relationship with his wife (who sounds narcissistic in my opinion) and he said she was turning the kids against him. I suggested that he get to know his kids and spend time with them. I only have his side of the story anyway. Then in the third message by him,he doesn't even mention his kids and instead talks about poetry and more about his wife and how (I'm paraphrasing) how rotten she is and then ends the message with, "I look forward to your reply". It's not appropriate.
               
               I tried to be nice. I gave my two cents. I had empathy for his situation (if it even was real-who knows) but I will not allow someone to push into my boundary. I don't know this person and I don't want to get personal. He has to focus on his kids (why call himself damaged dad if it's not about his kids)?
               
               The above is my opinion and my interpretation of things.

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                  jeffreymaskelposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                  Ah yes I see what you mean then.  That IS an awkward situation.  I would agree that it was inappropriate for that forum and setting.  I also venture to wonder if he was actually pressuring you to reply, or sincerely reaching out for communication and was actually looking forward to the reply to fill that void. 
                  Just playing devil's advocate here.  I agree with you.  It is for sure a red flag though.

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                     SandCastlesposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                     Maybe but it's not my job. I'm not a counselor. If he strayed from the topic and I'm not comfortable; that's how affairs start, "My wife doesn't understand me". I'm not perfect myself either; I'm not the angel. I'm can be rotten too. It just didn't feel right. He could be a decent guy but that last message sounded almost flirtateous (in my opinion). He has to solve his problems with his wife. He has to reach out to her or lay down the law or talk to a lawyer not some stranger; that's avoiding the problem and putting a lot of pressure on me to be the saving angel. I don't want that role. I don't know this person and I don't like people pushing into my life, especially when they are married. I don't want to play rescuer. There are hotlines and counselors and lawyers and his family and friends and his kids; it's not my job. I wrote the hub to help. I did my part. I gave my advice. I'm not going continue being a Dear Abby, like I have all the answers. I don't. Even Dear Abby doesn't keep up a running dialogue with someone.
                     He's a grown man who needs to talk to a professional therapist. The discussion of poetry and giving me personal details about his age and how he looks is a red flag for me.
                     
                     That's how people get into trouble, "reaching out for communication", trying to fill a void"-like I'm the only person in the world that can help? That's how people end up being taken advantage of because they take on problems and play rescuer.
                     
                     Sincerely reaching out for communication....or hoping to get pics of my (fill in the blank); who knows.
                     
                     When you get a gut feeling,  listen.

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                        jeffreymaskelposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                        Yes probably better to steer away.

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