Should Woman Who Cheat With Married Men Be labeled As Unattractive?

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   swilliamsposted 11 years ago

   The Definition of Unattractive is: as follows: plain, ugly, unappealing, unpleasant, hideous, unlovely, unprepossessing, unsightly, ghastly, revolting, repellent, repulsive, repugnant.
   However, can this description describe the personality of women who knowingly cheat with married men?

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      aliasisposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      No. Because it refers to physical beauty unless you specify otherwise?
      
      And why aren't you talking about the married man's "attractiveness"? He's the one with the marriage vows, not the woman he's having an affair with. If we apply terms of attractiveness to personality, I'd say the hypothetical man is certainly much "uglier."

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         wildernessposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         Why?  Both are doing things that are likely to break up a marriage and family - why is one worse than the other?

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            aliasisposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            They are both doing something bad. But only one is breaking his marriage vows. He's the one who's sworn to be true to his partner - the other woman didn't make those vows. She's an accomplice at best. Granted, this is really a matter of splitting hairs. Still, I'd say the person in the marriage is committing the bigger moral crime because they are betraying their partner and marriage. And the wording of the original post didn't mention the man at all, which was kind of boggling.

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            swilliamsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            I have been told that women have the upper hand in the relationship.  I do believe that men who cheat are just as unattractive.

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               wildernessposted 11 years agoin reply to this

               Ditto.  I don't see much difference; they are both ugly inside and deserve each other.

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                  swilliamsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                  I agree wilderness misery loves company. But perhaps some people really believe they have an honest reason for cheating. Vows should be taking seriously. Being an honorable person sets the course of life.

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                     wildernessposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                     There is never an "honest" reason for cheating - you made a vow, now keep it.  If the spouse cheats, that's no reason to descend the ladder of morality yourself - there is no honest reason for that.  Just rationalizations to let you do whatever you want.

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                        dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                        You made some valid points. However I believe it's often the (betrayed person) who insists on getting an "explanation" which causes the cheater to attempt to appease them with "rationalizations".
                        
                        Awhile back I wrote a hub: Why do we ask why?
                        Essentially since most people have made up in their mind there is no "just reason" for cheating the question (why?) is nothing more than a "rhetorical" or "reflex" question. The bottom line is there is nothing a cheater can tell a betrayed/hurt person that would cause them to say, "I understand why you did that." (The truth is no one cares about why!) So why do we ask why?
                        
                        In part I believe it's to make the cheater "dance" or squirm a little bit after being busted. We want to see "what they will come up with".
                        
                        Having already made up our mind as to whether or not cheating is a "deal breaker" for us it makes little sense to seek an "explanation" for something we believe has no explanation or justification. The only real questions are "Do we stay or Do we leave?" Maybe we ask why to "justify" (our reason for staying) if we are leaning in that direction. Maybe we're looking to be "sold" on forgiveness.
                        
                        We want to see contrition of some kind or regret on their part. We have a difficult time of just letting the cheater walk away without going through "the dance". It's the hurt person who needs to hear reasons or rationalizations.
                        
                        Even if we buy into the cheaters rationalizations essentially what he or she is telling us is; if they are faced with the same scenario in the future they would do it again.
                        Having said that I do believe there is an (honest reason) for why a person cheats. (They wanted to). Cheating like monogamy is a choice.

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                           wildernessposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                           You are correct.  The reason would seem to be "Because I put my temporary pleasure ahead of my word and ahead of your long term happiness".  And that would be an honest answer, if still ignoring the oath or promise given.  That would be the dishonest part - to intentionally violate your promise - but the answer would be honest.

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         swilliamsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         Yes, this is true that the man is playing a role in this matter as well. However I interviewed a man that was addicted to cheating on his wife. He loved the cat and mouse of the game. This id how he viewed his marriage as a game. He said that  where he lives the women out number the men and that if the women would stand their ground men would have no choice but to be committed to their wives. Women are in it for the relationship and men are in it for the sex. This is the feedback I receive from men who cheat. Most of them are upfront with the women about their marriage and the woman chooses to indulge. Men who cheat are unattractive as well.
         I love your articles aliasis they are very unique!

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            dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            You stated: "He said that  where he lives the women out number the men and that if the women would stand their ground men would have no choice but to be committed to their wives."
            
            Logically we know each of us is responsible for our own (choices) in life. For any men or women to blame someone else for a decision (they) made is being dishonest with themselves! People do what (they) want to do.
            If someone dropped off a pound of heroine at your doorstep and you don't do drugs you're not going to suddenly "start" doing them just because someone made it available to you.
            
            If a woman rejects a man he will simply find another woman who will accept him. There has never been an instance when either gender were in lockstep with one another. The only upper hand a woman has is over (her) own decisions in life. There will always be someone who will say, "yes". There is nothing a woman can do to keep a man from cheating who has (decided) he wants to cheat.
            
            Having said that not every man who cheats has a loving, passionate, wife who showers him with love and affection. The stereotype is every cheater is messing over good women. According to statistics (women) initiate 66% of all divorces in the U.S. Odds are if a man is unhappy in his marriage he is not going to run down to the courthouse to file for a divorce.
            Even friends of the mistress warn her; "The husband never leaves his wife."
            Cheating is a cowardly selfish act committed by those who are seeking to hold onto the good aspects of their primary relationship while addressing their other "needs" on the side. It takes courage to walk away from an unhappy marriage before meeting a new person.
            If a guy is cheating simply for the thrill of having something "new" then he what I would call an "incessant cheater". These people cheat because they get bored easily. Some people were never meant to get married!

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               swilliamsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

               Women initiate 66% of all divorces in the U.S. Wow! I wonder why a woman would want to break up a marriage? But perhaps it's lust that promotes infidelity.

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                  dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                  The women of today have more career opportunities and financial resources than women had in the 1940s, 50s, 60s, and even 70s.
                  The more options one has the less crap they're willing to put up with! :-)
                  
                  Several years ago I was listening to a female radio host who asked her grandmother who had been married for 60 years; "What is the secret to having a lasting marriage?" Her grandmother's reply was; "Baby, we just stayed together."
                  
                  If both people have decided they're never going to file for divorce no matter what happens (cheating, abuse, alcohol/drug addiction, sexless marriage, living in separate areas of the house....etc) then statistically our society will look at their number of years of marriage as a "success".
                  
                  I know a guy who lives in Lake Geneva Wisconsin and his wife lives in Chicago. They're not legally separated  nor do they date others and they stopped having sex years ago. They get together for family functions and attend each other's work events, file taxes together,  and so on.
                  They've been "married" for 40 years with 15 of them under this arrangement. On paper we see a couple who's been married for 40 years and we call it a "success story".
                  
                  Some people say getting divorced is "too easy". However most people who say this have never gone through a divorce! Truth be told it's a whole lot easier to get married than it is to go through a divorce!

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            aliasisposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            The thing is, I think it's hard to generalize cheating because everyone's got their own situation. The act of cheating is certainly bad, but some cheaters are certainly worse than others. I'd be hesitant to even talk about it in terms of men and women, because they both can and do cheat for the same reasons. Thrill, lust, to make their husband/wife angry or jealous, to get attention, or even just to feel loved if their marriage is unhappy.
            
            And thank you, that's kind of you to read my hubs!

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               dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

               I agree with you. If anyone has ever watched an episode of the TV shows, "Cheaters" or "The Maury Povich Show" AKA "You are NOT the father!" they are clearly aware that neither gender is standing on "holy ground" when it come to cheating. :-)

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      Stevennix2001posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      No.  However, it does make her a bad person though.

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         swilliamsposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         I call it an inner form of unattractive behavior. However some tend to have a problem with this form of destructive dating, it does not mean that they are horrible individuals, such actions can cause deep heartache.

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            Stevennix2001posted 10 years agoin reply to this

            True.  cheating is never justified if you ask me.

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   mikesquidposted 11 years ago

   they are very attractive

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   Tori writes itposted 11 years ago

   No; its the mans fault if he cheats on his wife. Not the other womens. she may not of known, so why give her nasty names if something wasnt her fault

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      wildernessposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      The OP specified the "other woman" knows the man is married.
      
      Now is she unattractive inside?

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      swilliamsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Tory! Thanks for your feedback. Before I got married I was surprised by the actions of sneaky married men who were not upfront. Eventually I would find out that they were married and I would end the relationship. I believe what goes around comes right back around to bite dishonest people in the rear end. Integrity is the best route to go. In the end if the woman knows that man is married It's up to them to end it.

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   moiponetsokaposted 10 years ago

   it utterly wrong and its an attractive trait of a person who knowingly date a man who is married

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      swilliamsposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I agree, I really think that men who are involved in these issues need to do a better job at turning down such temptation.

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   Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years ago

   Some men think they can save their marriage by having a relationship on the side. The woman who thinks this will be a good thing might become involved with a married man with good intentions. Both think they are helping to hold the "family" or "marriage" together. It is exciting at first and seems so right especially if the man's wife is just really impossible to live with. Eventually, however, the whole thing unravels and people find out. Even if the married man and this unattractive woman… not to the man, obviously... can keep it a secret (live in another town according to one book which advocates affairs as solution to bad marriages which are best to stay in for the sake of the children, financial stability, etc.,) the woman must endure a very lonely situation.
   
   She would not opt to put herself in such a miserable situation if she were attractive enough find an unattached man.
   So in conclusion,
   Yes.

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      swilliamsposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you for your thought provoking response Kathryn! I liked how you addressed every aspect of the situation from the unfaithful man's point of view and the woman's point of view. Very useful information.

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         Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         You are welcome.

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   limpetposted 10 years ago

   All Women are precious regerdless of circumstance. We spend the first half of our life gaining experience and the remainder wondering where it all went wrong. As for marriage it is an instution that enslaves Women and castrates males.

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      swilliamsposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Marriage is an institution that enslaves Women and castrates males? Um...I take it that you're not married?

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   limpetposted 10 years ago

   Not married, but i typed that anecdote 'tongue in cheek'. Unfortunately English and American sense of humour doesn't quite mesh.

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   limpetposted 10 years ago

   Not married, but i typed that anecdote 'tongue in cheek'. Unfortunately English and American sense of humour doesn't quite mesh.

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      Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Funny because it is so blatantly true. I think I will call you Ian rather than limpet.

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