A good friend of mine recently found out her husband was cheating on her and is actually more upset with the woman he cheated with rather then her husband. I understand it takes two, but in my opinion he is totally at fault. He is the one with the obligation and the woman cannot do anything that he doesn't allow. What are your thoughts?
He is the one who was supposed to love his wife. He is the one who promised to remain true. The fault for his wife's pain lies on him. If the woman he had an affair with had refused, he still would have found someone else and cheated. All that said, the other woman is at fault for sleeping with another woman's husband... and if the couple divorces, and their children grow up in a broken home, the responsibility is also on her.
You are correct! Your friend is simply looking for a way to justify staying with her man. Everyone is entitled to have his or her own "deal breakers". Very often a person will say, "If my mate cheats on me it's over!" However there is a big difference between "life" and the "hypothetical".
Having said that there is also a segment of women who believe in the old stereotype " a man will be a man". In other words given an opportunity a man is going to cheat and it is the mistress who holds the "power" especially when she knows that man is already married or attached. This logic is completely insane! No one has ever been (forced) to cheat. Both monogamy and cheating are (choices). Your friend's husband promised to "forsake" all others and (he) broke his promise!
I read a study that stated a woman is far more likely to forgive a man for cheating than vice versa. There is also a built in desire for those who are married for the first time to want to avoid becoming part of the "divorce statistics". This often rolls over into second marriages as well. Not many people want to be twice divorced. However by the same token people tend to take less crap and waste less time in a unhappy marriage the second time around. Bottom line is your friend is looking for a way to stay with her husband by laying the bulk of the blame for (his decision) on the "other woman". Guys have been known to be guilty of this as well. If you ever watch the show "Cheaters" whenever a man busts his girl cheating he starts to physically attack "the other man". I guess love is blind! :-)
Yeah, that's odd that your friend would primarily blame the other woman and act as if her husband was just the victim or whatever. People gotta accept personal responsibility for their actions.
The husband was wrong.
The other woman was wrong.
And when someone cheats on their spouse, that's almost always a sign that the marriage relationship had some serious problems in the first place, which means that even your friend (the wife) needs to take a long look at her own behavior and relationship with her husband to see what can be improved to bring them closer and prevent this sort of thing from happening again.
If she knew he was married both of them were 100% wrong. How wrong she was in no way diminishes how wrong he was.
And a man can cheat when his wife doesn't do a damn thing wrong. he can just be that selfish and impulsive. The wife may be the only one who may well be 0% responsible.
@Psychskinner, yeah she knew he was married, it is human nature to want what you can't have. I'm not saying she's not wrong or condoning her part in it, but inevitably it comes down to him. He had to allow it, say yes, let it happen. He is the one that took the vows. She was single with nothing to lose. She was wrong, but 90% of it still falls on him in my opinion. If he would have said no, there would be no issue.
I don't think making a mistake is like sharing out like a cake. She made her mistake 100%. He made his mistake 100%. If he had lied to the woman then she would have made no mistake, but he would still be the same 100% wrong in what he did to his wife--no more and no less.
The only difference is he is the one who made a promise to her and then broke it. The other woman wronged her, but the husband actually betrayed her.
@Psycheskinner, I can tell your a Psychologist, lol, I do agree with you, she was wrong too, but I still think the burden of it falls on him. It's kind of like of like two drunk people getting in a car & getting in an accident. The are both wrong, the passenger for allowing their friend to drink and drive, but inevitably the driver is at fault because he is in control. The husband was in control of the situation. She didn't rape him, he had every opportunity to say no.
by swilliams 10 years ago
The Definition of Unattractive is: as follows: plain, ugly, unappealing, unpleasant, hideous, unlovely, unprepossessing, unsightly, ghastly, revolting, repellent, repulsive, repugnant.However, can this description describe the personality of women who knowingly cheat with married men?
by Carolee Samuda 7 years ago
Women tend to want to blame the other woman for the affair. They call them names, threaten and even attack them physically. Who's to blame?
by Tranita 13 years ago
Just because they accuse you of cheating, does it mean that they are doing it?It's usually said that if he or she is accusing you then that means they are doing it? How true is this when it comes to relationships? If you feel it's true then why?
by JenniOwley 7 years ago
Does anyone know how to get back at the "other woman?"I want a legal way to let everyone know what a whore this woman is that works with my husband.
by affairdetector 6 years ago
Having a husband or boyfriend who cheated is a big hit to your self esteem. You begin to doubt your marriage and your ability to make your husband happy or to be enough. And there are tons of old stereotypes which imply that if a man cheats, it’s because his wife doesn’t understand him, he’s...
by Hermit Mink 8 years ago
Should I be mad that my mistress is sleeping with a friend of mine?I know there is no honor amongst thieves, so to speak, but should I be upset that a former friend of mine has hooked up with my mistress. I feel that I am in love with her, and have entertained leaving my wife for her....
Copyright © 2025 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. HubPages® is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website.
Copyright © 2025 Maven Media Brands, LLC and respective owners.
As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.
For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy
Show DetailsNecessary | |
---|---|
HubPages Device ID | This is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons. |
Login | This is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service. |
Google Recaptcha | This is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy) |
Akismet | This is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy) |
HubPages Google Analytics | This is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy) |
HubPages Traffic Pixel | This is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized. |
Amazon Web Services | This is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy) |
Cloudflare | This is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy) |
Google Hosted Libraries | Javascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy) |
Features | |
---|---|
Google Custom Search | This is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy) |
Google Maps | Some articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy) |
Google Charts | This is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy) |
Google AdSense Host API | This service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy) |
Google YouTube | Some articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy) |
Vimeo | Some articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy) |
Paypal | This is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy) |
Facebook Login | You can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy) |
Maven | This supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy) |
Marketing | |
---|---|
Google AdSense | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Google DoubleClick | Google provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Index Exchange | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Sovrn | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Facebook Ads | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Amazon Unified Ad Marketplace | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
AppNexus | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Openx | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Rubicon Project | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
TripleLift | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Say Media | We partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy) |
Remarketing Pixels | We may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites. |
Conversion Tracking Pixels | We may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service. |
Statistics | |
---|---|
Author Google Analytics | This is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy) |
Comscore | ComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy) |
Amazon Tracking Pixel | Some articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy) |
Clicksco | This is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy) |