When married men/women cheat, Is the person they cheat with at fault?

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   Alphadogg16posted 11 years ago

   A good friend of mine recently found out her husband was cheating on her and is actually more upset with the woman he cheated with rather then her husband. I understand it takes two, but in my opinion he is totally at fault. He is the one with the obligation and the woman cannot do anything that he doesn't allow. What are your thoughts?

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      Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      He is the one who was supposed to love his wife. He is the one who promised to remain true. The fault for his wife's pain lies on him. If the woman he had an affair with had refused, he still would have found someone else and cheated.  All that said, the other woman is at fault for sleeping with another woman's husband... and if the couple divorces, and their children grow up in a broken home, the responsibility is also on her.

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      dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      You are correct! Your friend is simply looking for a way to justify staying with her man. Everyone is entitled to have his or her own "deal breakers". Very often a person will say,  "If my mate cheats on me it's over!" However there is a big difference between "life" and the "hypothetical".
      
      Having said that there is also a segment of women who believe in the old stereotype " a man will be a man". In other words given an opportunity a man is going to cheat and it is the mistress who holds the "power" especially when she knows that man is already married or attached. This logic is completely insane! No one has ever been (forced) to cheat. Both monogamy and cheating are (choices). Your friend's husband promised to "forsake" all others and (he) broke his promise!
      
      I read a study that stated a woman is far more likely to forgive a man for cheating than vice versa. There is also a built in desire for those who are married for the first time to want to avoid becoming part of the "divorce statistics". This often rolls over into second marriages as well. Not many people want to be twice divorced. However by the same token people tend to take less crap and waste less time in a unhappy marriage the second time around. Bottom line is your friend is looking for a way to stay with her husband by laying the bulk of the blame for (his decision) on the "other woman". Guys have been known to be guilty of this as well. If you ever watch the show "Cheaters" whenever a man busts his girl cheating he starts to physically attack "the other man". I guess love is blind! :-)

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   chrisinhawaiiposted 11 years ago

   Yeah, that's odd that your friend would primarily blame the other woman and act as if her husband was just the victim or whatever.  People gotta accept personal responsibility for their actions.
   
   The husband was wrong.
   
   The other woman was wrong.
   
   And when someone cheats on their spouse, that's almost always a sign that the marriage relationship had some serious problems in the first place, which means that even your friend (the wife) needs to take a long look at her own behavior and relationship with her husband to see what can be improved to bring them closer and prevent this sort of thing from happening again.

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   psycheskinnerposted 11 years ago

   If she knew he was married both of them were 100% wrong.  How wrong she was in no way diminishes how wrong he was.
   
   And a man can cheat when his wife doesn't do a damn thing wrong.  he can just be that selfish and impulsive.  The wife may be the only one who may well be 0% responsible.

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   Alphadogg16posted 11 years ago

   @Psychskinner, yeah she knew he was married, it is human nature to want what you can't have. I'm not saying she's not wrong or condoning her part in it, but inevitably it comes down to him. He had to allow it, say yes, let it happen. He is the one that took the vows. She was single with nothing to lose. She was wrong, but 90% of it still falls on him in my opinion. If he would have said no, there would be no issue.

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   psycheskinnerposted 11 years ago

   I don't think making a mistake is like sharing out like a cake.  She made her mistake 100%.  He made his mistake 100%.  If he had lied to the woman then she would have made no mistake, but he would still be the same 100% wrong in what he did to his wife--no more and no less.
   
     The only difference is he is the one who made a promise to her and then broke it.  The other woman wronged her, but the husband actually betrayed her.

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   Alphadogg16posted 11 years ago

   @Psycheskinner, I can tell your a Psychologist, lol, I do agree with you, she was wrong too, but I still think the burden of it falls on him. It's kind of like of like two drunk people getting in a car & getting in an accident. The are both wrong, the passenger for allowing their friend to drink and drive, but inevitably the driver is at fault because he is in control. The husband was in control of the situation. She didn't rape him, he had every opportunity to say no.

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