Thank you Dee's Dating Diary for discussing Dating Down

  1. realtalk247 profile image67
    realtalk247posted 3 years ago

    I read this blog and I really could not agree more with some of her statements. Below you will find some of the statements made on the site.  What are your thoughts?  I think this is so true for both men and women.   Lady and the Tramp only works in the (Disney) movie.

    "Dating down can lead you to resenting the man you’re dating because he’s not who you want him to be. But, truthfully, you can only blame yourself for choosing to date a man that wasn’t right for you in the first place."

    "When you date down, you open yourself up to significant problems that you shouldn’t have to deal with."

    "Are you an ambitious, driven, well-educated woman dating a man who isn’t ambitious or driven to, for example, learn a trade/skill, pursue entrepreneurial endeavors, or pursue a higher education? Well, you’re dating down."

    "Are you supporting a man that isn’t self sufficient? Whether he’s “borrowing” your money or your car, face it, you’re dating down!"

    What are your thoughts on dating down?  Any success or disaster stories regarding dating down?  Anyone have a story where giving the wrong person an opportunity ended in disaster?  How much did it cost you financially to date down?

  2. dashingscorpio profile image87
    dashingscorpioposted 3 years ago

    Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.
    I firmly believe in the above statement which is why I agree with Dee's statement below,
    "But, truthfully, you can only (blame yourself for choosing) to date a man that wasn’t right for you in the first place."

    Unfortunately a lot of folks would rather blame the person (the chose) for not being who they really want! The truth be told a lot people really don't want to date "equals"!

    They want to be the "leader" or "in charge". It's been said: "He who has the gold makes the rules".
    Long ago there were men accused of "keeping women barefoot and pregnant" making them dependent on the men.

    In the case of women (choosing) men to "date down" there are lots of variables.

    Some women fall in love with a man's "potential". Maybe he's shared his dream with her and she takes on the challenge of (helping him) achieve his dreams by becoming his biggest "supporter"
    Traditionally it was very common for women to do whatever it took to help their men "make it".

    Another group of women "accidentally" end up in long term relationships with men who are not their equals. By (accidentally) I mean they KNEW who was not their ideal mate but maybe he was "hot looking", "fun to be around", or a "rock star stud in bed". Initially these women thought they'd mess around with "Mr. Right Now" until "Mr. Right" came along. However they got consumed or emotionally invested in the relationship.

    Some women would rather be "needed" than "wanted".
    They believe is a man (needs) them he is less likely walk away.
    A man who is handsome and financially independent has tons of options when it comes to women.
    In fact a lot of women throw themselves at men like this. Taking on a man who is less desirable reduces a woman's "competition" with other women and it makes it difficult for him to find another woman in (her class) who would invest him the way she has.

    There is a group of women that is often said to have "settled".
    However the word (settle) truly means to make a (final decision) based upon one's Cost VS Reward belief systems. Sometimes people just don't want to put in the (effort) to have something better!
    In my opinion that's not settling but rather deciding what you wanted isn't worth the price being asked of you!

    If I presented a person with two cars; A 1972 Gremlin and a 2015 Audi 6 and told them that they could have either one of them BUT in order to get the 2015 Audi they would have to run a marathon.
    There is a good chance that person might elect to drive off with the 1972 Gremlin or simply jump on the bus. Is that "settling"? In my opinion the answer is no.

    Essentially the person looked at what would be (required) to have what they "wanted" and decided it wasn't "worth the effort"/price they'd have to pay. Therefore they took whatever they could get for the price or effort THEY were (willing) to expend. Basically they decided the other option wasn't "worth" it!
    Competition, effort, and cost are major deciding factors in most decisions we make including selecting a mate.

    Lastly there are successful women who simply aren't attractive in the eyes of many successful men.
    If for example a woman wanted a successful man and found that these type of men are attracted to women who look like fashion models and (she) doesn't look like that then she may find it difficult to find men whom she considers in "her league".
    Men place a higher value on a woman's beauty/appearance then they do her bank account or career achievements. Most men and especially those who are rich and successful in their own right are not going to make a woman's success the top determining factor in choosing a mate for themselves.
    In fact a lot of men believe even they themselves are fat, bald, old, or considered unattractive if they become highly successful or rich they can have "any woman" they want!
    This explains why a then 86 year old Hugh Hefner is able to "attract" and marry a 26 year old centerfold! Not many if any 26 year old "hunks" are going to pursue a 86 year old woman for a relationship/marriage no matter how rich and famous she is!

    1. Kathryn L Hill profile image82
      Kathryn L Hillposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      And, yeah, some power trips can end up being costly... in more ways than one.