How to tell your parents you're dating a much older woman or man?

1. 84

   stricktlydatingposted 12 years ago

   How to tell your parents you're dating a much older woman or man?
   
   When there's a HUGE age gap but it's time to introduce your new boyfriend or girlfriend to your parents.  I think you should probably warn them beforehand?  Any ideas about this topic?

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   1. 77

      fer-nieposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Age is just a number but as age increases, so does the difficulty of telling them the truth.
      
      However, the shock is only temporary. It's better to tell them up front whenever you're ready. If it's serious, lying to them all of this time is not an option. It's going to have to come out, one way or another, and it's better to gently tell them so the shock can be processed at the right moment rather than feeling the awkwardness on the wrong one.

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2. 0

   msorenssonposted 12 years ago

   If you are 18 and older, then you tell them only out of consideration and respect. After 18, at least in America, you are free...this is not true in other countries where traditions are more stringent.
   
   Age is a number..many examples of successful marriages where age gap is big.

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3. 59

   MickSposted 12 years ago

   Don't worry about it, if you're past the age of majority (I presume you are or you've no business posting here) it's none of their business.

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4. 62

   YvetteParkerposted 12 years ago

   I think most parents are more concerned with the character of the person that their children date rather than their age. To me, age becomes secondary. I want to know that my children will be loved, respected, and treated kindly by their dates. If this is evident, then age is not a factor. If it's not evident; then we have some problems!!!

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5. 0

   janikonposted 12 years ago

   You sit them down and you plainly say, "I'm dating this woman/man and he's older than me, but this is what's happening" You aren't dating an alien, animal or wax figure ... they should be fine.
   
   Unless you are sixteen and your boyfriend/girlfriend is sixty-five, then that's illegal and not okay and you should probably seek out a registered therapist.

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6. 60

   rlahaposted 12 years ago

   I have a friend who ended up marrying a man who is older than her own mother. She loves him and he loves her. Her mother wasn't very happy at first, but now that they are married, I think she has come to terms with it. 
   
   I think that being honest from the very beginning is the best way to go.  If something good comes out of the relationship, that is all the parents can hope for right? If not, well at least the person was honest about it.

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7. 62

   tom hellertposted 12 years ago

   My wife 9 yrs older than me I let them meet her then weeks later I asked how old do youmom said younger than me by a year or two dad said a year or two older probably just to mess with mom... mom said "oh be serious shes not older than Tom"
   I said she is older than (My middle brother 5 yrs my elder) "
   My mom said "Oh be serious"
   "Ok  I said she is only a year youner than (my oldest brother 10 yrs older .
   
   han me)"
   Although my wife still looks closer to my age today Im 40 now... than her own.
   As for telling them It all depends on what you know of them-it might be better to soften them up with the good things he doesthen slip in his age after it all or maybe even after they meet him...
   TH

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8. 53

   lasertekservicesposted 12 years ago

   It is best to give hints before introducing the new boyfriend or girlfriend. That way, they wouldn't be surprised.

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9. 36

   edhanposted 12 years ago

   In the current generations, it should not be a problem with age gaps. But if your family is sort of traditional, you may want to bring up the topic for discussion before approaching them with this.
   
   It will help you to sound out whether or not they have any objection or their views in age gaps. This will then help you to see a clearer picture and how you can approach the handle this matter.

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10. 84

    wychicposted 12 years ago

    Dang, I thought I'd already written a hub on this topic, but apparently haven't gotten around to it yet . My own husband is five years older than both of my parents, and a year younger than my stepdad. I also met him online while playing Myspace poker, and didn't meet him in person until the day he landed when he moved in with me. Suffice to say, my mom was not pleased when she heard about this match. That said, I knew that there was no way I could break the news to her in a way in which she would be pleased, or even be less shocked or concerned, so I treated it like removing a band-aid -- I came straight out and told her, then told her I'd be happy to discuss it with her once she'd calmed down and we could have a civilized conversation. Then I backed off and let her stew about it for a couple of weeks.
    
    Eventually she calmed down enough to at least acknowledge that I am an adult and make my own decisions -- granted, he and I met when he was 49 and I 22, so that took her a bit of work to reach any sense of calm on the subject. Yes, she thought I was making a huge mistake and that my now-husband must be some kind of sick predator to want me. I think that's a reasonable enough reaction for a parent, especially given what few facts she knew. It was my own decision to let her have her differing feelings on the subject without trying to talk her out of them or let them bother me. She, in turn, reached a point where she stopped trying to control my relationship and maintained a civil demeanor regarding my husband. It took her the better part of three years before she accepted him as family, and started accepting that there are things to like about him and that he treats me well.
    
    i agree, it's probably nice to warn your parent(s) ahead of time with a huge gap, but try not to insist on a positive, accepting reaction immediately. I'm glad that I told my mom before introducing her to my salt-and-pepper boyfriend who already struggles with presbyopia and has daughters older than me, but I'm equally glad that I simply acknowledged her protests and continued with the relationship anyway. He is the best thing that's ever happened to my life, we get along better than I ever could have imagined and have beautiful children together, and time has finally solidified Mom's faith in him too.

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11. 59

    jolinabalcruzposted 12 years ago

    When i told my mom that i have a boyfriend who is 15 years older than me, i'm 35 and he's 49 years old. She is worried that he might hurt me or control me and act like a father to me. I assured her that he's a good man and he won't do no such thing. Until now she keeps mum about her feelings about my boyfriend and i hope soon she will accept the fact that i'm a grown woman and i have thought about this thoroughly.
    
    At first they'd be surprised and next thing it will turn around eventually.

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    eeloposted 11 years ago

    A few people mentioned that if you're over 18, you're asking for understanding or consideration, not permission.  That's a great point!  I was lucky enough to introduce a 45 y/o I was dating (I'm 30) to my sister before parents.  That might be a good strategy.  If either parent or someone that knows the whole family is more understanding, introduce the significant other to that person first.  Parents may be more expecting if they hear from multiple people that it's alright.
    
    My mother has this dream of being a grandmother some day.  The biggest disappointment she had with my situation was that grand-children would be unlikely had I continued to date this older woman.

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13. 71

    Don Fairchildposted 10 years ago

    First ask yourself if you can tolerate being excommunicated from the family?
    Also, does your family have any inheritance that you should be concerned about?
    Are you really marrying for love or MONEY? Most parents can see the difference.
    Is this older man marrying you for love or SEX? This answer and the one above go together.
    If nothing above is true, then tell your most sympathetic parent ahead of time and ask for a blessing. Good Luck.

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14. 76

    Clair Waldorfposted 6 years ago

    I dated someone who's older than me by more than a decade. I would say that age difference is not the issue here but the background/character of the person is. I have strict parents and they care less about his age but what his intentions were and how willing he was to compromise for us to meet halfway. Parents just do care about their children and they want them to be with good partners who care for their well-being.

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    lisha rossposted 5 years ago

    I was in a long distance relationship myself with my ex-boyfriend for two years now, about December 2017 i had doubts about his loyalty, so I hired this social media hacker @ dominicpaul2 on instagram to help me hack his Instagram account which he gave the the password to his account some hours later. Lo and behold, he asshole had been sexting and exchanging nudes with different ladies in his DM's.

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16. 71

    Isivwe Muoboposted 4 years ago

    Don't mean to sound sexist, but I think it would be easier for your parents to accept if it was a lady dating a much older guy than a man dating a much older woman.
    
    However, like someone already said, so long as you're over 18 telling them would only be done out of respect as the final decision would be yours.

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