Can a gay man be attracted to a specific girl, but not women in general, and still be gay, not bi?
As a writer, i'm wondering if it's possible for a gay or straight character to be attracted to a person of the gender that opposes their typical sexuality? Like, a gay person to be in love with a specific female, but not women in general? (maybe using Sanrda Bullock's character and her gay friend in "My Best Friend's Wedding" as an example) Or in this case would it simply be that the "gay" or "straight" person is infact bisexual?
i would like to believe so. if we would deny that a person can be attracted to both sexes then we would be denying the existence of bisexuals.
plus, i have friends who are from all girls schools in the city who during their high school year had relationships with their classmates. But eventually got married with a man and had a family. and i think this happens with men too.
however, this is one of those things that is common knowledge for us, but do not talk about.
Sexuality is different for every person. While the general sexual urges tend to fall in very specific categories (gay, straight, bi, etc.), there is a lot more going on than just that. I have seen and known several completely gay men be "in love" with a woman, but it's the friendship that they love. There's no sex or feelings of devotion that might come with two people being in a sexual relationship. The "love" is one shared by friends, nothing more.
As a label definition, where it crosses the line of no longer being gay, but being bi, is when a guy enjoys having sexual relations with both men and women. To love the physical aspect of the relationship as well as the friendship, going beyond mere experimentation. I've known men who identify as being gay, but they also had a long marriage (and even children) with one specific female. The key is "men who identify as being gay."
In summation, it's how one identifies their own self and not a case of something "making" or "turning" someone to be bisexual. It's just something you enjoy doing, or you don't- but everyone gets to make their own label.
Hope that helps!
If the attraction is sexual then the person is bisexual or in denial of their bisexuality.
Bisexuality is much more common than people think. Generally one will be more attracted to one sex than the other. It can go either way... very few bisexuals are attracted equally to both sexes.
http://hubpages.com/hub/Butch-talks-abo … -bi-sexual
I'm curious if you have watched Brokeback Mountain. The movie is about two men who fall in love, yet they both end up getting married and fathering children. It might give you some idea of what kind of emotions might go into what you are talking about.
It is very possible for a gay man to be in love with a woman. It will just never end up being on a sexual level, and it probably won't be without him having male partners on the side. I'm not going to speak for women, because I wouldn't know how they feel.
But, I know plenty of married and formerly married gay men. It is not uncommon for a man to realize that he is gay after he decides to marry. And, some marry because they don't want anyone to know that they are gay, and really don't even want to admit it to themselves.
Being gay is more complicated then people think.
I used to watch Charlies Angels, and I used to think that Jacklyn Smith was a very beautiful woman, and I often thought that I would want to Marry her. But, sex with her never crossed my mind. So finding a woman attractive does not make a gay man bi.
Yeah, this was kinda along the lines of what i was thinking.
Personally, I think sexuality is too complicated to simply box into labels. But as a straight female, I can't really speak for other people in that theory. Hence why I asked the question.
Thanks for all your answers.
I'd like to suggest a reference to the Kinsey scale, and if not that, a hypothetical scale of values ranging from 1 to 10. 1 would represent the extreme of heterosexuality and 10 would represent the extreme of homosexuality. Sounds like you're a 9.5 on that scale from what you describe.
As a gay man married now 21+ years to a woman; my answer would be "yes" apsolutlely.
I personally dont beleive in the "lables". I beleive that human's are just sexual in nature. I truly love my wife and we have an active sexual intimacy, however, If I were to be single again my natural inclination would be attracted to men.
Its about the person, energy, and the ability to have your emotional and spiritual needs met with in the relationship.
I am attracted to my wife because of our friendship/love, history, and the way she takes care of me and us caring for eachother in this life.
This doesnt negate my desire for men or lusting, But in the end my relationship and commitment to the person is more important and much more powerfull than the superficial fleeting and unfullfilling life style based on stereotypes.
This is not to say that I couldnt or wouldnt find the same life nurisishing and fullfilling relationship with a man, I just have never met a that man that can fill those needs for me.
So does this make me bisexual, I dont beleive so, I am not equally attracted to both sexes.equally. Does this make me Gay? Not really, as I am in a manogams relationship with a woman and not activly seeing a man or unfulfilled as a result.
So In my estimation that just makes me human, just like everyone else, lookig for love and security in this life......
Amen, sir! You are the first person I've come across who sees things the same way as I do. I am a bisexual woman, but have been married, and never once did i feel as though I was missing out by being faithful. Love is love, regardless of sexuality.
very interested and so out of those stereotypes or boxes... this is natural, this is human. thank you
This is enlightening. Some of my gay friends think that it's possible to love a woman but then eventually, gay men will be unfulfilled and will want to be with a man again. I guess that was just a general conclusion. Thanks.
I signed up because I am going through a hard time questioning my sanity but your answer has helped out so much thank you
hi i just want to ask a question.if gay man likes a girl but didnt express his feelings in public just with the two of them,do you think that when they get into a relationship the gay man can still choose a guy above the girl when he get attract to.
Wow very interesting. I never heard this before interesting
I really do hope there can be some academic study to understand why people are gay or straight, why some people would be sexually attracted to people of same gender, is very interesting.
I wonder why so many people put so much on the terms. Who cares if you are gay or straight or bi or transgendered. If we are all fighting for equality then why is it we continue to insist on pointing out how different we all are? If you love someone, you love them. If you are attracted to them, then you just are. It doesn't take away from who you are if you aren't only your sexual orientation. :-)
Depends on what kind of the person it is, whether she can not look at the girl or how deeply hate the girls.
I think that sexuality is more of a continuum than an either/or. I think anybody could go anywhere based on their situation, if the situation were extreme enough. I can't imagine being attracted to a woman but I have known women who were basically heterosexual but got involved in a lesbian relationship, perhaps for convenience or because they were disillusioned with men, or any number of reasons. We put all these labels - LGBT and now Q. Maybe we should do away with the LGBT and just go with Q. As a Christian I have my own beliefs about sexual parameters based on the bible, but I acknowledge that there is a reality in our world today and people are looking for answers. I hope you find yours. God bless you.
I believe that every individual is different, people come to a sexual identity, choice or way of life... it all depends on that person and what he wants and knows about himself.
And, think Julia Robert's was in my best friend's wedding... it really depends on the individual. A friend of mine always like men but was a strong woman, got married to an African man who kidnapped her after taking her on vacation to Africa, she came back disgusted in men in general. She started dating women, fell in love, was in a relationship for years... and fell in love with a man!
So, who knows?
Anyone can have any sexual orientation or desires. I think you could write your character any way you wish.
If you are attracted to both guys and girls, you are bisexual. I'm pretty sure that concept applies even if we are led to believe that the attraction is only for one person.
The same would hold true if a person was only attracted to one animal. That's still beastiality.
What a thought provoking question! I really am not sure. I am a heterosexual female but I can appreciate a beautiful woman and find her attractive. I am not offended as some people are by gay people of any gender. I think it is possible to be in love with with and attracted to the person themselves without taking into account gender or sexual orientation. I am probably not explaining this very well.
I hate answering questions with questions, but this time that's the only way I can respond with not actually having a definite answer. By the way, I'm a straight man.
If I am attracted to men, I am gay or bi. If I am attracted to 1 particular man, does that mean I'm gay? If I am physically attracted to a man, I am gay. If I am emotionally attracted to 1 man, and not physically attracted to that man, am I gay? If I am physically attracted to women and emotionally attracted to men, am I bi-sexual or do I just emotionally connect with men better than women? I could go on, but will save you all that. I guess what I am saying is that your motives for your attraction to one, the other or both, dictates what label you put on yourself. I agree with bambamnpebbles. If people don't want to be profiled or steroetyped, then why pigeon-hole yourself into a category by labeling yourself as different? It doesn't make sense. She's right. Who cares? If you don't want to stick out like a sore thumb, don't carry a sign that says," Sore Thumb"
I believe it would be possible. I don't think anyone is simply just "straight" or just "gay"... the lines of sexuality are very blurred. To some degree, I think everyone is bisexual, but most people lean more one way than the other. For people that label themselves "bisexual," they pretty much sit in the middle.
There are people who are completely straight. I am one of them. The thought of having relations with a woman makes me nauseated. There is nothing about the female body that turns me on.
i completely agree with what you say. being heterosexual or homosexual suggests a scale from 0 to 100 (in percent, if you want). very rarely does one score a 0 or 100. at the right mood, music, scent (pheromones) or circumstance, who wouldn't try
if sexuality is blurred then the next thing that will turn you on is animals, children etc. we have millions of thoughts every day, subconscious and consious, but that is not to say that we are our thoughts all the time - that is just called crazy
I think that bisexual people straddle the fence and its so unfair to their partner because you aren't giving them all of you.
I must disagree strongly with "Richard" (who seems to have vacated the scene of HP) when he talks of animals and children. Absolutely false!!! A very ignorant and fallacious statement.
One or more, he is a bi. May be he doesn't know it yet. If you are going to write about this, may be you should seek advice from an expert.
If you are ever attracted to the same sex as well as the opposite sex you are bisexual. You may have a more narrow margin of taste in people of your own gender but you still classify as bisexual because you do sometimes find your own sex sexually arousing.
You can find your own gender attractive without sexual feelings. You appreciate their looks and might even want to replicate it but there is no feelings of arousal.
Men are more sexual by nature and even straight men will experiment especially if in a situation where no females are present such as prison or in a war zone. Are they bisexual? Possibly but not necessarily since give the opportunity they would choose a woman over a man.
The same situation could be true if a gay man found himself stranded on an island with only women. He might experiment or even love a woman but once off the island return to his homosexual lifestyle.
I know I am a day late & a dollar short in answering here. I'm no expert by all means but I feel the need to answer. I think it has to do with the 2 people involved not necessarily the gender. Relationships should be more about loving & caring about one another, taking care of each others needs. It's about how two people react to each other regardless of other people. In an interview one of my favorite actresses explained it like this, she saw a woman from across the room & was immediately smitten, when they met & shook hands there was a shot of electricity. If I remember right she had never been with a woman before. I'm not sure if they are still together now. Ya know there is so much going on in the world why is this such a problem for some people? Besides what people do in their own home & personal lives is none of my business. Especially if they are not hurting me & mine.
Anything is possible, and nothing is impossible. The way a human's mind works is very intricate, with infinite possibilities. There are no definite answers...live and let live.
I believe that people's sexualities are all unique, and that they should find a label to fit them, instead of looking for a label to fit into. If a male character was gay, I'd say he was only interested in men, as "bi" implies both/multiple genders. But there are gay men who have loved and been attracted to women, had children, and then discovered their sexuality.
So to answer your question, I'd say that a gay man can like a woman and not women in general, if it's before he realizes that he is "gay". Otherwise, I'd refer to him as "bi". I consider myself bisexual, because although I have only dated men, I have been attracted to a few women, sexually or romantically (rarely both at the same time). I'm not 100% "straight", so I maintain the label "bisexual", which I would consider your character, as well.
Your character may maintain that he is gay, although he has feelings/attraction for a woman, though. Going back to the first statement, he is able to make his own decisions regarding what he considers his label - I'm just telling you what I think "society" would label him as, which isn't really as relevant.
Sure. sexuality is a mysterious thing and anything is possible.
It all depends on the person as when it comes to love the eyes don't see what the heart sees and a gay man/women's heart could desire the opposite sex. It's similar to when you fall in love with someone who has never been your type and doesn't have the qualities that you are looking for, as love is blind. I believe although rare, a gay man could fall in love with a women.
I've always said "I can't understand how all women could not have lesbian tendencies." My wife says she can't see how men don't have gay tendencies. Maybe I just haven't met the right man yet.
This is off the topic.........but why is it that we are seeing more and more "gay" "lesbian" and "bi" persons nowadays? About 20 years ago, this was unheard of. What changed? Did our openness change? Is it more widely accepted?
I believe that can, just because they are gay, doesn't mean that they find women repulsive. There are bound to be certain women around that can catch a gay man's eye.
Labels, labels, labels. Initially useful as a frame of reference. Ultimately restrictive and prohibitive to lateral, full and meaningful growth. I am many things...a daughter, wife, partner, writer, designer, maker, chef, dog owner, housecleaner, spiritual creature, creator, and on and on. One word may help describe the moment but not the whole of me, ever.
Why allow the label to be you? Be you in the moment. Live in the now. Love wholly and completely- bravely and compassionately--both towards yourself and others.
Yes. You would be Will and she would be Grace. I don't know if you watch that show but maybe you should check it out.
Yes, they very well can. I am largely attracted to women, but I do love very cute guys. I am technically bisexual, but I'd rather date women.
But to your question, yes. A gay male may inadvertently fall completely in-love with a woman, and vice-versa. There was one time that I completely considered myself as gay, and I still loved a great pear of breasts! But I am Bi.
In our minds, things aren't always perfect, especially the feelings that you gather through your sexuality. You will still always have that Shadow-self, where if you love a woman, you also have the opposite desire for certain men at the same time. You still have that subconscious love deep down inside.
I think of sexuality/sexual orientation more as a spectrum; not something where clear lines can be easily drawn.
Well, it's all social constructs. I think someone could consider themselves gay and be in love with s SPECIFIC girl. However, does being in love with her also constitute wanting a sexual relationship? Don't forget, gay and straight is often unfortunately defined by who we are attracted to romantically, not who massages our brain pans.lol In simplest terms, I'd say that if he wants to have sex with her as an expression of his love, he's bisexual. If he doesn't care about sex, but would gladly die for her, he's gay.
Absolutely! I know of a few people like that, honestly. You can find certain aspects of a person attractive, but not be attracted to the gender as a whole.
I think that if the person only likes the one person that opposed their sexuality then they are indeed still whatever sexuality that they presumed they were to begin with.
Although I am heterosexual, I work with a largely homosexual population in my role as an HIV prevention counselor. I have worked with many men and women who are strictly attracted to people of the same sex, however there are also people I work with that claim to be homosexual yet have sexual experiences with people of the opposite sex. They do not consider themselves bisexual and usually report they were curious, or experimenting, or in some cases attracted to one person in particular. The expression of sexuality can be very individual from one person to another.
I think so. Just because your are attracted to a person doesnt mean you want to have a sexual relationship with him or her.
You can be attracted to a person base on his skill, personality, wealth, beauty and etc.
I would say that there is no one that is truly gay or truly straight. Sexuality is a broad spectrum. If a "gay" person finds the opposite sex attractive he has found his counter part. He found those things he wants in his life that is in another person. The sex of the person doesn't matter. The character does. We are all at least a little gay, or a little straight. We are sexual animals period. If we find a beautiful person that completes us, we should feel free to feel romantic and sexual thoughts for them and forget about labels.
Yes, its possible. Gay----------------Bi-----------------Straight. Most people (even if they don't admit it) have had some sort of bi sexual experience. I imagine that if a completely heterosexual person can have a bi sexual experience than a gay person could have a heterosexual one just as well. Sexuality is a way to complicated for me to believe that its not possible.
Yes it is possible. I have a very gay friend and he even gets sick at the mention of the word vagina , but he has always told me that if he was to ever be with a woman it would be me, he's in love with his boyfriend and they want to get married but at the same time he is in love with me secretly but has never acted on it, it's nice to be someone's fantasy! I love him with all my heart and we would never be together because he is gay but I am his female of choice so I feel great about that. so yes it is very possible for that to happen, let's face it were all human and we have some kind of fantasy and I am his.
While this might seem hard to believe, yes he/she can. I personally know of a complete gay man, flamboyant speech and dress included, whom despised women in general. However, he is currently married to a female and they are expecting a child. My point is, that there are exceptions to every "rule", or preconcieved notion of what is and should be according to society and our own observations. It is not just the physical attributes that these people are attracted to but the person as a whole, which can in fact, lead to genuine feelings of love between two very distinctly sexually oriented individuals.
As soon as attraction to a woman gets involved you're bi, period.
I was in the military with a gay guy about twenty years ago. He loved to look at beautiful naked women, and always had subscriptions to the best magazines. I asked him about it once, and he said he thought women were very attractive, he just preferred men sexually. He compared it to looking at a lovely flower or painting, he appreciated the beauty of a woman's curves and shape.
Interesting question, I thought this to be called 'Pansexuality.'
People who are attracted to others sexually regardless of gender.
Of course. Being attracted to someone of opposite sex is not all it takes to change a person's sexuality. Occasionally gay men become attracted to specific women and are still gay. Likewise, straight men can become attracted to someone of the same gender and yet be straight. Bisexual persons on the other hand, have sexual encounters with any gender at will as a matter of preference.
God blesses everyone with the ability to have friends, it doesn't matter whether 'straight' or 'gay'. Having a different friends for different reasons is up to you, you are entitled to make 'choices' you feel comfortable in and being around.. Be Happy!
Absolutely. "Gay" and "bi" are simply labels used to differentiate between one group and another.
Sexuality tends to be fluid and confusing for us to understand, as its not something that always conforms to our labels. We try to use them anyway
A man who is mostly sexually and romantically interested in other men could find a woman he's attracted to, just as a straight man might find himself attracted to another man.
I like the Kinsey idea that we all have a different place on a line between totally gay and totally straight. Maybe that's something you could work into your story. Good luck!
I absolutely do think it possible for a gay man to be attracted to a specific woman, but not women in general.
I am a heterosexual woman and have been with my husband for almost ten years. As newly weds, I quickly realized that my husband was gay. Initially I didn't mention anything, cause it didn't bother me, as we were very in love, happy and comfortable with one another. He was always effeminate and I felt that he could be himself with me and not hide his sexuality as he would in public. Then one day he came out and admitted to a male love he had in earlier years. He said he was tired of hiding who he really was. He didn't want to be afraid anymore. He didn't want to be scared of being judged or losing friends. He just felt he wanted to be true to himself. He was so afraid... terrified that I would leave him for coming out. So I told him, that even if he were gay, even if we had come from different religious backgrounds, if he were black, white or yellow, or severly disfigured.... I loved him for his heart, his character, his kindness. We make a great team, we have an excellent relationship, we are best friends with a healthy sex life.
So, a few months later I'd decided to approached it logically and asked him if it would make him happier to pursue a new venture with a man instead. He told me that although he knows that he's gay, comfortable in his body, and is definitely attracted to men, he loves me, and affirmed he wants to grow old with me. He himself couldn't understand how a gay man, who knows he's 100% gay is in love with a woman ... me. He confirmed that he is not attracted to woman, but to me only (which we both find weird). He finds comfort in his sexuality and proud to tell people he's orientation. And I am proud of him too. We would go out to social events and compare notes on who's the hottest guy in the club! Not everyone understands it though.... But it works for us.
Like every other relationship, we have our challenges too. But we work through it just like everyone else.
I guess love is love, regardless of the package it comes in!
"Love is love regardless of the package it comes in" to me that statement covers it all and makes the label completely un-necessary.
I have just found myself in this position,Where my husband is telling me that he is gay but loves me and is committed to me for the rest of his life. He does want to experience male encounters. I want to be ok, but I feel threatened by it. Help?
I think he's not gay anymore. It's more likely that he's bisexual.
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