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“Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.” Proverbs 4:7
Many times our comments have been misinterpreted either because our choice of words were at fault or our delivery was misunderstood. I have seen it on HubPages countless times when an “ill placed word” created an avalanche of negative responses.
Have you ever experienced an occasion when your comments created the wrong feedback whether at home or at work and you wished you’d never said a word?
When I was in undergraduate school, one of my fellow students asked me to critique his paper. It was horrible and I inadvertently told him so. Needless to say, the student was so hurt that he never spoke to me again. Looking back, I realized that I could have relayed that information better and so I have tried the art of empathy in giving potentially negative feedback.
Ah! I have experienced that many times. It is so important to choose our words carefully, and speak them in such a manner that they can never return to "bite us".
“Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.” 1 Peter 3:8, 9 NIV
Do you really want to defuse somebody?
When they start talking crazy and seem to be getting all upset—just stop and listen. Don’t respond until they are completely through even though you would love to interrupt. Look them straight in the eye and say—“Okay (pause for emphasis) let me get back to you on that.”
This is very true. People hear to some extent what they want to hear and then they also bring their own fears and insecurities into the mix. When you offer praise or positive criticism it hardly matters whether the tone is bland or effusive because the recipient is hearing something that they want to hear; something that immediately affirms their efforts and therefore affirms their identity also. However when the criticism is negative and delivered with a bland, matter of fact tone it can often be perceived as an attack even though the actual intention is to help. The recipient might get all "spikey" at the time, then go away and realise it wasn't so negative after all, and actually "the advice is really useful thank you" but by then the damage is done and the person who tried to help has also been hurt.
I think of the song from Mary Poppins "A Spoonful of Sugar (helps the medicine go down)" and as a teacher I would often offer praise and support along with helpful suggestions to improve. When we are in the position of receiving negative feedback, whether on line or in our normal lives, the natural human response to what we perceive (rightly or wrongly) as mean comments is to let that inner child out to fight back verbally and it can cause devastation. I would always try to sugar the pill a little when offering criticism but even so a very few people can be so fragile and defensive that they see an attack where none is actually intended. Equally, people who deliver negative feedback in a totally bland and matter of fact tone see it as honesty, not meanness, and can't understand why the recipient gets reactive, defensive or even downright aggressive in their responses. We need to be aware of the destructive inner child in ourselves and also the tone of our words in an idiom that does not allow for the kind of non-verbal communication that makes intentions more plain.
When you type or text instead of verbal communication your words can be misinterpreted. This is why so many people do not like chatting on line or texting, they prefer the traditional way of picking up the phone. However todays society is so busy that often we cannot reach someone and so we send an e-mail or text, which is very impersonal. I received my degree but attending on-line education classes. In my bachelor's program we had to work with a selected group by the instructor on projects. Often things were difficulat since we were all in different times zones. It got pretty heated conversing on the internet in these groups because we each had a portion of a project to complete and often other students were angry that they had to wait for so and so's portion to be completed first before theirs.
When these type of childish arguments occurred, the instructor would often have to intervene. I found it very unprofessionally. Yet I still text more than I talk.
by Kimberly Lake6 years ago
Do you approve or deny negative feedback that includes insulting comments on you HubPages?
by Petroley7 years ago
Do you approve negative feedback and comments?
by Linda Lum3 years ago
Today I received a very hateful, spiteful message on one of my hubs from a visitor named "Local Yokel". Just wondering if anyone else has heard from this individual. I have a pretty thick skin, but this one...
by Kathryn5 years ago
Why do some people have Hubs without a place for comments?
by readytoescape8 years ago
Where can feedback ((Green,)Up) & (Red),down)arrows)) left on the hubs be viewed and analylised?
by Tracy Morrow8 years ago
Why did I receive negative feedback for the following...?The question was "Should guns be restricted to the military, police, and security guards?" My answer was "Absolutely not. Our forefather's...
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