Soulmates

1. 73

   sassygrrl32posted 8 years ago

   Was reading a post from 5 yrs ago about this and decided to start my own....
   Anyway, I don't believe in soulmates. There was a time when I did.
   The closest I would define a soul mate would be someone who loves you, stays by your side and doesn't leave no matter what. This doesn't mean the person is right for you or you can make it work. At least not without much tension and problems. This person is someone you've bonded to. Again not necessarily the right person. This person may be someone you've bonded to simply because there was no one else you could make it work with due to a variety of reasons. It may be dysfunctional. This can still be your soulmate. Definitely not the idealized version from Hollywood movies. They don't tell you that your true soulmate may be completely dysfunctional.
   A good example is my ex husband. I believe him to be my soulmate in the respect that we are bonded and there's probably some codependency going on and he says he'll never leave me and still loves me. But he's an alcoholic who refuses to get help so we can't be together romantically but we are friends still.
   So sometimes soulmates are simply those that won't leave you and love you but you can't be together for whatever reason. That fairytale crap I don't believe in.......
   What is your version of a soulmate or life partner?

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   1. 89

      Jodahposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Good question you posted here. I don't think there are perfect soulmates who have been created especially for each other. I feel my wife and I are soulmates as we have the same values in regard to many things but in our interests we are almost total opposites. I think our differences balance and compliment each other, and counteract our failings

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   2. 77

      TIMETRAVELER2posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I disagree totally.  You can be in love with someone and even marry that person, but that does not make him or her your soulmate.
      
      I got lucky 28 years ago and found someone who really is my soulmate.  It literally was love at first sight, and the romance has continued to this day, even through some extremely difficult times.
      
      We truly are one in the way we think, live and feel about one another.  It has gotten to the point that we don't even have to converse to share our thoughts in some instances...a simple look makes the point.
      
      This man is my third husband, and I am his third wife.  It took many years for us to find one another, as well as lots of life experience.  We are in our early 70's now and are ever grateful that we found one another.
      
      Yes, we are soul mates and yes, there definitely is such a thing as a soul mate.  A soul mate is the person who is the other half of you.  Our relationship definitely fits that definition.
      
      I will say, however, that before you can be or find a soul mate, you both must be mentally stable and free of afflictions such as addictions or burdens you insist on carrying with you from your past.
      
      In your situation, the man in your life being an active alcoholic negates any possibility of the two of you being soul mates.  He needs help, and so do you.  I know.  My first husband was an alcoholic!

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2. 73

   sassygrrl32posted 8 years ago

   I'm in therapy now. But oddly that therapy hasn't dealt too much with the alcoholism. Not yet. Haven't been with this guy but a few sessions so far. My regular Dr said something about a support group. I'm glad you brought that up. I completely forgot about it with everything else on my plate.
   I imagine some people do have soulmates as you speak of but don't believe this exists for everyone. Or maybe they just never meet. Most people just don't meet their other half and never will.
   I'm very glad for that you have.

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   1. 77

      TIMETRAVELER2posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks.  I strongly suggest that you find an Al Anon group and join.  It's free and will really help you...I know it helped me.  In fact, belonging to that group saved my life...literally.

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   2. 79

      Say Yes To Lifeposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      "How many alcoholics does it take to screw in a lightbulb?  One; he holds the bulb in place while drinking enough to make the room spin."
      
      "How many al anon members does it take to screw in a lightbulb?  None; they let the lightbulb screw itself."
      
      LOL!
      
      Codependency is common among addicts and their partners.  You and your therapist may want to discuss this.

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