Hit On Outrageously

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  1. sassygrrl32 profile image71
    sassygrrl32posted 20 months ago

    Ok, I'm not sure if this is where this belongs but I wanted to get some input. Just a little background. I'm currently travelling(Oklahoma) and do all the time for business, etc.
    So today in Walmart a guy(20 yrs younger) hits on me. Summed up, "I'm married with 2 kids, wife's not giving me any so why don't you give me some? But 1st, gotta get drugs. My dealer just walked in the store." This is nothing new. Some are way more outrageous. I'm attractive for late 40's but this ridiculous. It's getting worse as I get older. Last yr I had a guy stop me while I was walking and wanted to know if I'd go to his apt with him and the most outrageous was a guy in Utah who stopped by my car(I was in front of an abandoned building looking at something on my phone), we chat then he asks me to dare him to walk to the building naked. He then gets out of his car and starts taking his clothes off. I wish him well and drive away. Later I tell this to a man I know and he says, "OMG, that is the most outrageous way I've heard of a man hitting on a woman. When this happens I'm not smiling, looking around, as if I'm open to even being approached. And I'm not some celebrity model lookalike. And it doesn't matter what I say, I can say anything, I could say I was satan, no matter how bad, they're only more enamored. Unfortunately, I don't attract the right kind in relationships either(but that's a whole other story & they're almost, if not more outrageous). So I'm wondering, do I have a neon sign on my forehead? Or does this happen to everyone else too? Or maybe it's the shock factor....Just trying to understand this behavior. Everyone around me(my therapists especially) think I should write a book. Admittingly, everyone would be rolling in the floor. So, do other women encounter this too?

    1. katleigh profile image92
      katleighposted 20 months agoin reply to this

      I work as a breakfast attendant at a hotel and some of the passing construction workers come at me with some crazy stuff - though not that crazy!
      I'm 18 years old, with a perfect hourglass figure - mine just has a little extra sand, you know? Really though, to be honest, I'm not gorgeous by any means but I wouldn't go so far as homely. Nothing to write home about that's for sure.
      Anyway, I often get asked to "show them to their room" or "if I know any good places to eat, now and later" right before they tell me about their wife and kids back home.
      I'm never dressed "proactively" when these things happen. My work uniform is a plain white polo, plain black (loose fit mind you, not like it matters) pants, and a grey, unflattering apron.
      Regardless, these guys think I'm all eager to give them a quick romp in the sheets and I'm just trying to make more coffee and restock the plastic spoons. I feel you.

  2. Kiss andTales profile image78
    Kiss andTalesposted 20 months ago

    First its pretty brave and thoughtful you shared your experience. And the time period we live in is not so surprising with the many drug choices people dabble in.
    My most concern for you is that you survived these approches.
    If they are so bizzar up front could it possibly get better I really doubt it.
    Everyone that approach you is not worthy of your presence because they could be a danger to your life.
    Its very good you pay attention and speak in niceness but do not do more.
    Leave the scene to a safty zone.
    Victims usally disreguard red flags of warnings. Don't.
    Keep your good moral judgement it is a protection for you especially being married. Your vow to your mate is a vow to God and promise.
    I hope you the very best and safety.

  3. RTalloni profile image89
    RTalloniposted 20 months ago

    You are not alone.  Perhaps writing a book is not a bad idea.  It could cover a lot of territory, for instance, the obvious self-protection issues right down to subtle behaviors women need to consider carefully.

  4. Stacie L profile image90
    Stacie Lposted 20 months ago

    It may the locations you are at when these improper proposals happen. One was Walmart and the other was an abandoned building--both attract some seedy characters for sure.
    Someone once told me that prostitutes hang out in the parking lots of some isolated parks....that opened my eyes!

    1. ptosis profile image72
      ptosisposted 20 months agoin reply to this

      Fock u all for blaming her for being at the wrong place or how she dresses. I am disgusted by the responses .

      Don't have to be pretty, dress up or be in the right place. I was approached by an old guy who wanted to have sex while I was sitting in front of the library.  I felt THE SAME WAY - neon sign?  I later looked online  (there were 12 in the zip code_ and yeah this guy was a class 2 freaking sexual predator with multiple convictions.

      http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4pd4IQSkpA8/UTIw6EaKyaI/AAAAAAAAALk/HHd4j2rQ8V0/s1600/734596_614312821928414_873429268_n.jpg

  5. Live to Learn profile image78
    Live to Learnposted 20 months ago

    Not to irritate you but, how provocatively do you dress?

  6. sassygrrl32 profile image71
    sassygrrl32posted 20 months ago

    Thanks for the replies. I'm not married, not sure where that came from. I don't dress provocatively. In fact, because I'm travelling I was wearing a black men's t-shirt and loose pajama pants, no makeup and a headband. As for locations it's hard to avoid public places especially with my travel. There are just as many seedy types in other stores as in walmart. It doesn't matter.
    I have noticed that some things do make a difference. One time, I was dressed very nicely(long skirt, nice top) so obviously I was dressed too nice. I've been told I'm approachable so apparently that is a definite no-no but I have no intention of being rude to people I don't know. That could bring more danger than just being polite. This guy kept wanting to walk me to my car and asked me a couple of times what I drove. That seemed a little odd. I basically waited him out in front of the store and bored him with car engine talk until he got tired of listening and left.
    Today a lady in subway told me there are alot of cuckoo people and the other gal said she got hit on by a man 20+ yrs older, she wanted rid of him and told him a pile of BS, had 5 or 6 kids, etc. and still the guy didn't want to leave her alone. I've told men I had full blown Aids, been in prison for killing my ex husband and similar stories and none of it makes a difference. It doesn't phase them.
    Sometimes I wonder if it's shock and possibly other motives especially if said people have drug issues. Of course getting some on the side would be a bonus. Bottom line, you can't escape the looneys and the addicts.

  7. Aime F profile image82
    Aime Fposted 20 months ago

    Can't think of anything too crazy.  Lots of sleazy one-liners.  Once had a guy try to convince me to leave my boyfriend for him... in front of my boyfriend. 

    When I was working as a server I got the "can we order you from the menu?" line from groups of drunk guys all the time.  I worked for tips so had to fight the urge to roll my eyes constantly.  It was basically the waitressing equivalent of working retail when someone jokes that an item must be free if it doesn't scan.  Not funny, not clever, I've probably already heard the same thing twice today. 

    I think the funniest one I ever got was when I was working at a football game as an event host and this guy came up to me and asked if I wanted to go for drinks with him after the game.  I was like 25 weeks pregnant at the time and definitely showing, I pointed to my belly and said "I'm quite pregnant so probably not" and he said "I don't have a problem with that, actually I prefer that, water is cheaper anyway."  I smiled and pointed at my engagement ring and told him that even water was probably out of the question.  He said "I don't have a problem with that either, I'm just asking you as a friend."  I said "okay then you won't mind if I invite my fiancĂ© along for some friendly water" and he said "that's fine, but when we're banging later, as friends, I'd rather he just watch instead of joining in."  I laughed so hard I nearly peed (being very pregnant it wasn't that hard) and he was like "so... is... that a yes...?"  At least he was crafty.

    Here's something interesting that I was just thinking about while trying to remember all the times I've been hit on:  when it comes to unique pickup attempts my perception of whether it was an icky experience or a funny one is exclusively related to the overall attractiveness of the person.  For example, the one I mentioned above that I thought was hilarious came from a guy who was actually really cute and generally seemed pretty charming.  Had it come from someone I wasn't attracted to at all I probably would have filed it under "outrageous and gross."  My only real exceptions are guys who continue to make sexual comments or put their hands on me when it was clear I didn't want them to - the persistence after saying no or ignoring them is an immediate yuck factor no matter what. 

    Anyway, I wonder if I'm just shallow or if charming/attractive guys can get away with being a little more outrageous without being considered outrageous.

    1. Live to Learn profile image78
      Live to Learnposted 20 months agoin reply to this

      I think this one line from your comment stands out, to me, as the reason some women perceive a problem from guys who 'won't take no for an answer' yet don't really have (to me) a valid complaint.

      My only real exceptions are guys who continue to make sexual comments or put their hands on me when it was clear I didn't want them to - the persistence after saying no or ignoring them is an immediate yuck factor no matter what. 

      I know women who voice similar complaints to the ones found on this thread. I honestly think women want it both ways sometimes. They want to be perceived as desirable yet they aren't interested in the guys in question; but the desire to be seen as desirable causes them to allow behavior patterns and conversations to continue which don't, in my mind, send mixed signals. It is clearly sending the signal to continue.  Letting a man put his hands on you after a polite conversation explaining you aren't available is one of those examples. Continuing to stand within earshot of sexual innuendo directed at you, without a firm but polite rebuke, runs in a similar vein.

      I had a friend jump down my throat for not accepting a drink from a stranger in a bar. She said I was rude simply because I refused it. I disagree. The game is easy to understand and play within the parameters of that game. Men attempt to create an opening. If you agree to that opening you are sending the message that you are interested. Don't complain when they forge ahead and attempt to open the door wider. You let the foot in the door in the first place.

 
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