Is it stupid to be in love with someone you just met?

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   brimancandyposted 14 years ago

   I'm just curious if anyone has ever fallen head over heels in love with someone after only knowing them for a short time.
   
   I was camping at a gay campground over the past week, and I met a very handsome man, who I felt an immediate attraction to. You could almost say it was love at first sight. However, I am not sure that it is a mutual feeling.
   
   We spent a few evenings walking around holding hands, and talking, and sitting snuggled by the fire. And, had some incredible sex. And, at the end of the week, we said our goodbyes and went back to our every day lives. The only problem is, I just can't stop thinking about him.
   
   He Lives in Illinois, and I live in Michigan. We both have long term partners, but, all I can think about is how much I would rather be with him than the partner I have had for 20 years.
   He's a beautiful man, and fits into every fantasy I have ever imagined, and just being held by him is probably the best I have felt in years. Like, his chest is where I want to lay my head when I sleep at night.
   
   The problem is, I have tried everything to contact him, with no responce. It has only been a few days, so I may be rushing to conclusions, but, I would like to know something about how he feels about me, even the smallest detail would be nice.
   
   Has anyone else ever experienced this? I figure it will probably fade away eventually, but, I miss him, and, can't stop thinking about him. I don't think I have ever felt this strongly about anyone I have met. He is just a great guy, and very..very...hairy!!! WOOF!!!
   
   Respond if you like.

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      lrohnerposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I married someone roughly 2 months after our first date, which was also 2 months and 1 week after we met. We eventually divorced, but if I had known some of the things I found out shortly after we married, I never would have married him.

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   alternate poetposted 14 years ago

   Like any love 'fling' it should be folded up and put away.  You have a ong term partner and the biggest part of love is trust and responsibility.  You have had a typical 'holiday romance' with a pretty guy and there is no difference from the innumerable times this happens on holiday with pretty guy or girl.
   
   In my opinion it is the tantalising 'just out of reach' that maakes you think you are in love - if you knew him better you would get to know his bad points also !   that would calm you down a bit I reckon.

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      brimancandyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I like your responce. And, you are probably right. But there are some things I know about him. I know he is involved in chairty work, I know he lives in the Chicago area, and that he is involed in gay rodeo. That's besides the fact that he is a total hunk.
      
      I think learning more about him would be first on my list, if we are ever to meet again. But, like you said, it's probably just a fling.

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         alternate poetposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         I would think that a hunk who does gay rodeo is probably being chased by half the state gays       Be prepared to worship from afar I would say!

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            brimancandyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            I agree with that 100 percent. he is certainly chase worthy.

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   Jayne Lancerposted 14 years ago

   I've felt like that before. It can be unbearable, but it does pass.

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   klarawieckposted 14 years ago

   Oh God! Brimancandy!!! I'm having flashbacks!!! Year 2001, University of Miami, School of Music practice room, I'm sitting at the piano and I'm trying to get through a rehearsal with three male Musical Theatre students... all of them are gay and they want to use rehearsal time to talk about their most recent gay rendezvous!!! So, now what? Should we sing "It's a Hard Knock Life" from Annie?
   You're too funny! LOL

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   SomewayOuttaHereposted 14 years ago

   ..yep...have to say it is stupid...besides you just had an affair...you are in a 20 year relationship...wow!...you should read up on what happens to people on a physical level when they cheat...haven't said that right...but basically your sex drive increases much more than usual....and then add to that the emotional confusion....and people think they are in luv....your other comment about wanting to know what the guy you cheated with thinks...well he's not responding to your attempts to contact him...that should tell you....and he's in a long term relationship too.....ack!

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   kazemaru2posted 14 years ago

   it all depends on the connection and if you both are willing to get into a relationship.

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   Dame Scribeposted 14 years ago

   Breaking new ground and exploring is always exciting but a unknown and I would think...that's what drives us crazy but as recommended earlier. Don't give up the 20 yrs for someone you barely know. Real love is far and few between and you have one, hold onto it.

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   ecrockerposted 14 years ago

   Let's be honest; love at first sight is very romantic but probably something that occurs only very rarely. Personally I would have to say that if you feel this strongly about someone else, the first thing you have to do is end things with your long term partner.  I know it's hard, especially in our community when you go through so much more than a "typical" couple, but it's obvious you're not in love with them.  Next I would suggest stepping back and looking at YOUR life! You have to know yourself first and what makes you happy before entering into a relationship with this kind of mindset.  If you still feel the same way after, ohh i don't know, say a few months, then you should write a letter to this man and let him know how much he's made an impression on you.  Good luck!! =]

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   KristenGraceposted 14 years ago

   I'm a hopeless romantic... Hasn't happened to me, but I believe love at first sight is possible

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    Maddie Ruudposted 14 years ago

    DaVinci said it best:
    
    
    
    You've already admitted this guy is your fantasy.  And it's easy to be infatuated with him, because you don't see his dirty laundry.  That doesn't mean he doesn't have any.  Whatever you do, keep that in mind.
    
    There is no perfect person.  And even if you did start a relationship with this guy, chances are in 20 years, you'd be feeling the same way about him you are about your current partner.  Of course, I'm sure we don't have the whole story, but just from what you've said, I'd recommend you don't throw away two decades of commitment, memories, and understanding for a guy you just met.

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    KCC Big Countryposted 14 years ago

    Heck, I'm excited for you just reading your post.  It's perfectly natural to have these feelings.  However.....to think you'll always feel that way may be where you're not quite thinking straight yet. (no pun intended )  I too, would hate to see you jeopardize 20 years over a fling.  I think you'll have more fun with this by leaving it as a fond memory rather than trying to pursue anything further.

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12. 75

    brimancandyposted 14 years ago

    Wow! Great responces!
    
    However, I never said anything about leaving my partner for this man. I simply stated that I would rather be with him, then my partner. I never said anything about ending my current relationship. But, I wouldn't rule it out either.
    
    I would never dive into a relationship with someone I just met.
    It was more of a how would you feel question, and not, a what
    would you do about it question. If I thought I had any chance with this, or any other man, I would have packed my stuff years ago, and got prepared for it.
    
    I think the reason this gets to me so much, is because I have not felt this way about a guy in a long time. It's almost like my first highschool crush, and the first boy who wanted to kiss me, when I wanted to be kissed. You just don't expect it to happen between two guys. So when it finally happens, you are surprised and excited at the same time.
    
    Well, I certainly never expected such a good looking guy to be interested in me, so when we hooked up, it was that same feeling from highschool all over again. I just wish I had the chance to know him sooner. As I will probably never see him again. But, that's life.
    
    I haven't seen the first boy I kissed in over 28 years, but, I still remember it like it happended yesterday. I'll never forget that...or him.

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       SomewayOuttaHereposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       ...so get that spark back with your guy...bring it back!

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    mega1posted 14 years ago

    I suppose since the two of you didn't make any plans to meet again or even call each other?? he probably feels it was a vacation thing.  Meantime, you're doing the right thing just thinking about it and not acting on it - maybe other comments are right on about taking a good look at your ltr and giving it a good work over, maybe you've forgotten all the reasons why you've stayed in the relationship for 20 years?  that's quite an investment - it really is an investment!

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       brimancandyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Actually we exchanged email addresses, and were also going to re-connect on Facebook. But, his e-mail came back closed, and he has not responded to my facebook friend request. I'm still waiting.
       
       But, I am also in contact with other people who know him. So, if anything, we can still contact each other eventually. If not for a romantic interest, I would at least like to keep in touch, and know how he's doing. Maybe we can get togther in the future.
       
       It's all up in the air right now.

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          secretmemoirposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          what are you going to do with the long-term partner?  sounds like you want to have your cake and eat it too.  A friend of mine whose partner had affair with best friend said it would have been easier if just broke up from start, rather than carrying on with all the deception.
          
          Infatuation is exciting, but is an illusion - you don't see the flaws in the other person during that phase. 
          
          Maybe the other person regrets what happened?

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    Joe Badtoeposted 14 years ago

    You're greating great advice Brimancandy from some wonderfully liberated folk on here (which is a sign of high intelligence!)you should heed it.
    
    I agree with most posters on here having a fling is a rush and because it was over so quickly you didn't get time to be bored. You mention that this guy is not responding to your efforts to contact him I would take that as a sign that he doesn't want to get back to you. Cherish the memory don't ruin it by chasing a dream that isn't there.
    
    On the negative side you need to ask yourself how would you feel if it was your long term partner that had this experience. Eternal triangles never work and somebody will get hurt.
    
    Hope you work it out without incurring or causing any pain.

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       secretmemoirposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Yes, how would you feel if your partner did that to you?  And do you value respect and trust (which are lacking currently)

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          brimancandyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          Well, my partner has a friend named Chris that comes to our house every week for the last 20 years. He stays 2 days out of the week, and sleeps on the couch in our living room. He is actually here right now, as I am writing this. They will wait until I go to sleep and have sex. I know they do it, I just stopped giving a shit.
          
          So, when I have my "Flings." with some hot guy that I meet, where ever I meet them, a lot of it is feelings of getting even. I not saying I do it to get even, but, if It happens....score for me. My partner has never been 100 percent faithful to me, we are both on the same page.
          
          A kind of "Don't ask...Don't tell." relationship. Only I know who has been with and why. Not that he has ever told me. I just catch him in the act.
          
          So, really. We are in the same boat.

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             Joe Badtoeposted 14 years agoin reply to this

             well get out of the boat as you and your long term partner appear to have little respect or love for each other so why bother living together?
             
             Now it just sems as if your playing games and seeking attention.
             
             No offence but you need to stop kidding yourself and get on with your life.

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15. 75

    brimancandyposted 14 years ago

    Just to update.
    
    My "Fling". Did get back to me. He sent me his correct email address, and contacted me on Facebook. No mention of wanting to hookup again. But, he did respond. That's all I wanted.
    
    I actually received a very nice message from him. I couldn't be happier. I sent him another email, just waiting for him to respond. He's very cute.
    
    Respond if you want.

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       ceciliabeltranposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Just ask him. Do you want to hook up and be done with it. If he's not saying yes. it's a no go.

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          brimancandyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          I asked him that In my email. just waiting for a responce. Thanks for the suggestion though. I appreciate it.

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    ceciliabeltranposted 14 years ago

    you saw an aspect of your unrealized self in him. so be that person and you'll get over him.

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       brimancandyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       If I could do it in his body, and, with his looks, I would be a totally different person. A model for the furry man 2011 calendar! I could probably get any man I wanted if I looked like him.
       
       Anyways, he still has yet to get back to me. But, it's cool.

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