my husband wants to be swingers
my husband was very jealous when we were first married then one day he comes to me wanting to swing with other couples. i don't feel comfortable doing that and i have told him that but he now talks about it while we have sex and it turns me off compleatly what should i do?
Not an easy situation. You really need to talk to him. Think of the pros and cons of doing it. Do what makes you happy.
Just try not to avoid the subject...be honest with him and with you.
Just saw your question. I just started a hub to help people with this. My wife and I wrote a book on the subject. The hub is surviving the lifestyle.
I would never!!!!! Did you ever hear of Pandoras Box. If he wants to swing why did he get married in the first place??? If he is not happy in the bedroom spice it up! Go shopping at Victoria secret.
I know someone who went down this path and she is miserable. "Sin never satisfies" talk with him and get into counseling before its too late. This will not make your marriage better. Who ever says it does aks them 5 yrs from now, than see where they are!
Don't do anything that you don't feel comfortable with.
If your husband was jealous in the beginning of your marriage, those feelings may erupt when he sees you with another man (or just knows that it's happening). You, too, could be confronted with feelings of jealousy, angry and hurt.
If you don't want to share your husband with another woman, then be sure that your husband knows your choice.
He could be living a fantasy in his head; often people will fantasize about situations they won't necessarily act out on.
If that is the case, fantasy can be a normal and healthy outlet for both of you. I would suggest talking at length with your husband and finding out what his motivations are.
Is he bored with your sex life? Is he excited by the thought of you with another man? Is he wanting sex with another woman?
Once you know why he wants to be a swinger, you can better grasp what to do about the situation. Talk to him, but be sure to make your feelings understood.
tell your husband to find a diffent wife if he wants to be a swinger.i hate it when a spouse wants to do things you don't wanna do.
I believe that if this is a new topic he's bringing up, he could be bringing it up with other intentions in mind. Perhaps seeing if you would go for the idea to use it against you and claim he was joking.
People are deceitful and everybody lies. If this is something he constantly brings up, then I believe there are much deeper and problematic underlying issues you two need to work out.
Swinging, from what I have seen, only really works when a couple is in a very strong and stable relationship. There sound too many issues going on so unless you get to the bottom of why your husband wants to swing - and if you think it will benefit your relationship you should give it a wide berth.
You might find the book at http://www.becomeaswinger.com helpful (don't be put off by the title..it's not what it seems)
I would never have been a swinger.
I became a swinger.
I no longer am a swinger.
I have the perspective of all three stages and can shed some light on this and hopefully save you from a lot of heart ache.
As someone who was brought up religious, I found it unconscionable to consider swinging or cheating. I would have a dream I cheated and feel so horrible for days for having the random dream. So how did I go from that to being a swinger? Easy... my needs were no where near met especially in the bedroom. My wife was passive about sex, dull and there were many gaps of over 3 days. That is my and many men's magic sex gap number. Beyond 3 days is creating frustration and bad feelings. It really depends on the mans sex drive. But a man's satisfaction will be measured by overall time spent satisfied vs frustrated.
The idea that quality is more important that quantity is bunk for men. That's like saying you can pee once a week but its going to be REALLY good. It's a biological urge that doesn't do well when held back beyond that persons physiological needs.
There are 2 ways you MUST approach sex. Quantity Evaluation and Style Evaluation. If you feel that things have changed, it's because as a man ages, he becomes more specific in his desires be it sex, fishing, sports or work. He knows what he likes and wants.
Firstly, quantity is easy. If he has sex, he will have a satisfied period afterward. This can shift slightly with his bio clock(60-90 day cycles for me). What you have to do is make sure you have sex before his frustration kicks in. I suggest every other day. Give a hand job, bj, something... It's deadly important that his desire is fulfilled BY YOU. This keeps him from ever wanting porn, fantasy thoughts and cheating INSTEAD of you. The more you fight being the meeter of this need the more he fixes the problem with a solution that meets his need. This is a mechanical thing men do. Problem->solution.
Style is tricky, but in your case I am pretty sure I know whats going on. He loves wild sex. Lingerie ain't gonna cut it. He needs you to be slutty with him. Not really, but as a persona. As examples, beg to swallow, depict a level of desire you can't control for him or just be more noisy and athletic during sex. This is what he craves. Swinging just does that in spades. He also needs taboo. Go parking and have sex. Do it on your deck at night... BE the taboo but do so safely and with boundries. Never say no. Give alternatives.
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