I want to teach my cheating husband a lesson by leaving him for 4 weeks but I am

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  1. ngureco profile image80
    ngurecoposted 14 years ago

    I want to teach my cheating husband a lesson by leaving him for 4 weeks but I am afraid?

    I am afraid another lady my jump in to fill the vacuum so created by my absence. What do you think?

  2. stricktlydating profile image84
    stricktlydatingposted 14 years ago

    A man won't forget his wife after a four week absence.  But You're better to ask him to leave - pack his bags - And tell him he's only welcome to come back when he's proven to you he want's your marriage and will be faithful to you for the rest of your lives.  This method is called 'Tough love' and some relationship guru's believe it's the perfect way to stop your spouse from cheating.

    1. Fancy Poet Girl profile image78
      Fancy Poet Girlposted 3 years agoin reply to this


      1. savvydating profile image89
        savvydatingposted 3 years agoin reply to this

        If you want to be smart about it, you might consider seeking legal counsel regarding a legal separation. Otherwise, he will likely cheat again because he will know you will cave again and he can get away with cheating again. That's just the way it is.

        But the marriage can be saved if you draw a clear red line in the sand and stick to it like your life and marriage depends upon it.... because it does. That's where lawyers come in handy. Furthermore, he will have more respect for you if you play hardball. That's just the way it is with cheaters. However, if he is also purposely abusive, then of course, you must get rid of him.

        But yes, he is the one who should leave the house---not you.

        Best wishes.

  3. profile image53
    JasmineGposted 14 years ago

    lets say you leave he it miqht make him pull closer to the other woman or it could teach him a lesson..it all depends on how he is as person and how much you love him..if you wanna be with him you need to talk with him not run..

  4. floating mind profile image69
    floating mindposted 14 years ago

    When you threaten anyone with some type of action, always expect the unexpected.  This could easily backfire on you in ways you may not have anticipated.  Caution is the word you need to be mindful of.

  5. profile image49
    susan.leslieposted 14 years ago

    Leaving for four weeks would be a little slice of heaven for a person involved in an affair.  Be careful how you "punish" your husband.

  6. Midasfx profile image66
    Midasfxposted 14 years ago

    2 wrongs don't make a right.  Shame on your husband, but there is no reason to punish him. either work it out and move forward or completely just get rid of him. dwelling on it will just ruin your relationship for sure.

  7. Lady_E profile image61
    Lady_Eposted 14 years ago

    Two "wrongs" don't make a "right". Also, listen to your gut feeling - You noted that you feel afraid.

    Best Wishes

  8. metaylor profile image61
    metaylorposted 14 years ago

    he wont learn a lesson. once a cheater, always a cheater. it's best if you leave and never go back.

  9. MaryAnn Roche profile image58
    MaryAnn Rocheposted 14 years ago

    I see no point in leaving him for 4 weeks or 2 weeks for that matter. You need to decide if a cheating husband is someone you want to spend your life with.

  10. johndetlefs profile image60
    johndetlefsposted 14 years ago

    If you leaving causes another woman to "fill the vacuum" in less that 4 weeks, then you should be leaving for good, or really working hard to fix the relationship.

    It sucks in your position, but I agree with the above comments.. adding another wrong to the pile won't help things.. someone in the relationship needs to maintain integrity and try to steer things to calmer waters.

    Good luck and I hope it all works out! (whichever way things go)

  11. Lady Summerset profile image73
    Lady Summersetposted 14 years ago

    Your absence will not "teach" a cheating husband a lesson.  It will only serve to give him another reason to cheat.  You and he are at a point where "together" you need to decide whether or not you 1.  Have a marriage worth saving, 2. Whether or not "both" of you want to save it.  3.  How will you deal with the emotions attached to the cheating.  4. He must acknowledge his wrong and "choose" to do better. and finally there must be a committment by both parties to stay the course, no matter how difficult.

    If you run now, you are only prolonging dealing with the issue head on.  If you or he cannot commit to turning this around, it's better to face it now and move on!

    Best wishes,


  12. profile image0
    RS Wightposted 14 years ago

    If you want to teach him a lesson then you must have some sense that the marriage is salvageable, in which case leaving is the worst thing you could do.

    If you want the marriage then three things are important to remember.  1. As far as trust goes, you are now back to square one and it will have to be rebuilt to a point where it is stronger than before he cheated. 2. You will not go forward if you leave, you cannot rebuild if you aren't there to put in the work it's going to take. 3. There are issues far bigger than his wandering eye at work here, you will both need to explore those issues and find ways to deal with them.

    Marriage is not easy, but if you remember your vows and the commitment that you both made this incident can make it stronger rather than weaker.  Take it from somebody who knows, if it's worth teaching him a lesson over then it's probably worth staying put and fighting it out.

  13. Affordablefun profile image61
    Affordablefunposted 14 years ago

    You take those 4 Weeks! Why? Because you married this fellow  to be with him for better & worse, in sickness & health
    No where does it say in cheating ass jerk.  You have done your part.Look how have been treated this guy does not think the oath,  you both took, is for him any more. At least his action show he has his own words & memories of that wedding day  If you want to return because you hope he will never do it again that is up to you. I would let him know you are going away for 4 to 6 weeks period when you return he should have been seeing a metal health worker, a counselor or even his doctor. Then you can both go to group & private couple therapy.  I would like to say it is only him but honestly you both have issues to work on.  Him as  a cheater & you for not standing up for your self.

    You MUST set your boundaries of what you will and will not take.  Remember you are in charge of you life here not a puppet or toy at his call

    All the best

  14. profile image53
    Druus Kentronposted 14 years ago

    Just an opinion, but, if a man likes to sleep around outside his marriage the temporary absense of his wife gives him carte blanche to do so. While you're gone he won't be comtemplating his mistake, he'll be wearing out YOUR sheets with somebody else!
       Wana teach him a lesson? Leave him for real! Just an opinion...

  15. schttrj profile image61
    schttrjposted 14 years ago

    Unfortunately, you are not there to teach, you can only LEARN...from the experience!

  16. Sara Frenki profile image61
    Sara Frenkiposted 14 years ago

    You've heard it from the mouth of some smart women, listen to your heart, you know who he is, and you know if you leave him, you won't have peace because you'll be wondering if he is cheating and he must likely would be.

  17. Linda Bobbey profile image59
    Linda Bobbeyposted 14 years ago

    well, if he's cheating then there is ALREADY another woman (or women) in the picture, so.....you deserve better than a cheating husband.  I applaud your wanting to mend the marriage, but you should kick him out and go from there.  In reality, you need to be prepared for him to move on.  Of course if he's cheating, he's already moving on, he just hasn't ended things with you first, for whatever reason.  You deserve better.

  18. kaloomba profile image68
    kaloombaposted 14 years ago

    Hmm.. Tiger Woods anyone?

    Whenever there is cheating going on in a relationship, it's a symptom (a sign) that something is wrong and has been wrong for sometime.

    If it's a relationship you want to save, get a copy of the book 'His Needs, Her Needs' by Dr. Willard F. Harley and read it (together if you can).

    For a quick list of these 5 basic needs of a man and a woman, check out my Hub called 'Looking for Love? How to Attract a Mate'. (There's a link to the book on the page).

  19. antonrosa profile image63
    antonrosaposted 14 years ago

    It depends on what your husband is thinking.  For some men, this is an indication that you want to move on, so he will see this as an opportunity to pursue other things in life.

    Maybe 2 weeks would be better. In the mean time refresh your life and do things that you want to do. 

    A husband who sees that his wife is independent and has interests in other things, will most likely bring him back to you in the long run.

    Relationships are always risky but that is what makes them so interesting. They can really keep you on your feet!

  20. VampireAlice profile image61
    VampireAliceposted 14 years ago

    Sit him down and tell him " do you want me as your wife?" " do i make you happy?"  If he says you make him happy then there is still hope if he doesnt say if he wants you as his wife then pack his stuff and put him out. You cant min a broken heart.

  21. Ted Gerner profile image56
    Ted Gernerposted 14 years ago

    I don't think that leaving him for 4 weeks will make things change. Maybe you would want to think about reasons WHY he is cheating in the first place? Is there anything he is not getting in the marriage? Maybe it is possible to make him less interested in his affairs?
    But there is always a possibility that the marriage has cama to the end...

  22. omega1234 profile image59
    omega1234posted 14 years ago

    always be mindful of the after effect because two wrongs doesn't make it right.

  23. afunguy24 profile image40
    afunguy24posted 14 years ago

    Be nice to your enemies it annoys the hell out of them.  He will hate to see you happy.

    The best way to get is even is by moving on.

  24. Disturbia profile image59
    Disturbiaposted 14 years ago

    I'm afraid if you leave your husband you will just be leaving him an open door to walk out of and happily cheat on you the whole time you are gone.  That's what my husband did to his ex-wife when she left him.  He took her leaving as an open invatation to cheat.  You won't be teaching him anything.  Cheaters are cheaters and they will never change.

  25. She-rah profile image68
    She-rahposted 14 years ago

    Lots of interesting answers! I went down this road many years ago and WE have survived. I used to blame myself, and through marital counseling, I found out it was him with severe insecurities and combined with alcohol it led him to cheat. It was not anything that I was or wasn't doing to make him happy. We were also very young with a lot of responsibility and stress.You have to find the root of the problem and do the best you can to put your heart and soul back together. It's REALLY hard but if the 2 of you want to be together, it is possible! Get your anger out now and then forget it. You can't throw it up in his face and punish him for the rest of his life, or it will never work,  that will just push him further away. If he truly loves you, then he hurts just as bad as you do and maybe even more. Guilt is one of the worst feelings to live with. If he doesn't hurt then he's not worth it. People make mistakes! Was it a mistake? Ask questions (calmly, to find the problem), scream, cry, hyperventilate,and yell now, get it all out of your system, then forgive and forget. It takes a ton of work on both you and your husband's part, work that most people aren't willing to do. My husband and I were the exception and I hope you and your husband are too.  You will be back at square one with trust but that will come with time and in the end you will be stronger and more in love than ever, if you truly love each other enough. If you need to leave for a while, then do it because you need to do it for yourself, but not to punish him.

  26. Saphirebleu profile image61
    Saphirebleuposted 14 years ago

    Having been on that boat, I think absence is good for both parties as it gives time to reflect. Whether you ask him to leave or leave yourself, it really doesn´t matter although sometimes the change of scene without all the reminders is easier to deal with. If you have the means, go to a resort otherwise friend or family who will allow you personal space to go through the grieving process that one goes through after betrayal. If he really loves you he will miss you and want to rekindle the love in your marriage. If he doesn´t love you enough and you are easily replaced, why would you want to be there anyway?

  27. Big Bob profile image59
    Big Bobposted 14 years ago

    Neither cheating nor leaving will get you what you need, trust.  Leave if you need the practice of living alone, else get an apology and counseling.

  28. oklahomapoet profile image60
    oklahomapoetposted 14 years ago

    What lesson do you think this will teach him? That he can cheat on you and you will go away for a while but then come back? Wise choice. The better decisions are 1. Stay there and work on it. 2. Leave for good.

  29. Ecomom profile image60
    Ecomomposted 13 years ago

    If I were you I would go see a marriage counselor together, it may be that you need to separate for a little while to get things back on track, but you should consult a professional before you do anything too hasty. If he is serious about your marriage than he will want to go with you. If he doesn't want to see a counselor with you then tell him to leave, you deserve better.
    You should also insist that he be checked out by his doctor for any potential STD's that he may have picked up from other women. Better to be safe than sorry.

  30. solar.power profile image60
    solar.powerposted 13 years ago

    Be very careful. Playing games is not the answer in my opinion. I suggest you either get some councelling together or leave.

  31. kellysgirl profile image61
    kellysgirlposted 13 years ago

    A great book is "After the Affair" by Janis Abrahms Spring and Michael Spring. I began reading this book when a friend of mine came to me in confidence looking for a solution when she caught her husband in the act with another woman. She, like you, wanted revenge but I knew intrinsically that degrading yourself and adding fuel to the fire just doesn't work. If anything it serves to give him more of a reason to cheat because your absence doesn't allow any room for getting to the bottom of the situation. In the book, I was surprised to learn that the authors suggested that absence, during these turbulent times, can prove to pull you further apart from your partner. For me, that was shocking but I too have been through such an ordeal and can attest to that very thing. Absence does not always make the heart grow fonder. You can not 'teach' a cheating husband anything. Men are going to do what men are going to do and nothing you do can put him under subjection. He has to want to change and if he doesn't you could stay gone forever, cheat yourself, or kick and scream - but that will not solve a thing. In times like this, communication, time and patience is everything.

  32. kmartel profile image60
    kmartelposted 13 years ago

    I'll be honest and up front with you. Don't leave him for 4 weeks, but 4-ever.  You don't deserve that and he doesn't deserve you! If he did it once, he'll do it again.  It can be next month, next year or in 5 years.  You can always tell the future by the past behaviour.  Major red flag.
    good luck!

  33. profile image0
    dracaslairposted 13 years ago

    well i was the cheater.i went to therapy.i relized that i should have just left in the first place.if there is gonna be cheating anyway then break-up its over anyway.

  34. profile image49
    maya blackposted 13 years ago

    leaving him would be point less....talking and finding out what the problem is....would be a better choice.. making this work takes more than one person...it takes two...all the time and effort cant just be you working on it.......he made the choice to cheat...he broke the trust.....he should be afraid of you leaving him.......forever............

  35. padmendra profile image49
    padmendraposted 13 years ago

    Yes, by taking this step you will be giving a free hand to your husband for 4 weeks and if you do it, he will not be afraid of cheating you again. Try to be little hard towards him and whenever you are with him, explain and convince him that such acts are never good for a healthy married life.

  36. profile image0
    iamqweenbeeposted 13 years ago

    Well, if he cheats why be afraid? He's already doing wrong. If someone else fills in, then you have to decide if you want to keep him with his cheating ways or not

  37. THE LIP profile image61
    THE LIPposted 13 years ago

    The void has already been created in ur presence why else would hubby cheat on you.Maybe U shud review the marriage and think honestly what went wrong and why.? Is he cheating only for better Sex or becoz Ur holding back something from him in the bedroom?

    Incidentally what made U reach the magical figure of 4 weeks instead of 15 days or even just a week? U have some plans lined up like giving it back to him by having some fun for yourself before returing to a dying marriage.

    So being afraid means only one thing allowing him to do what he loves doing with other lady(or is it ladies)? So if you want a break don't tell him when u'll be back so the sword hangs on his head of being caught red handed. On the other hand if he gets home the lady then stop mopping and slit his account in the middle so he doesn't have enough money to lure the honeys into ur bed(room)

    Until you don't take a chance how will you ever know?

  38. goingcrazy profile image61
    goingcrazyposted 13 years ago

    If he is cheating he probably isnt going to stop. You deserve better. Arn't you worth more than what you are being treated..... Trust me you are better.

  39. nifty@50 profile image68
    nifty@50posted 13 years ago

    Don't play chicken! Either work it out or cut bait. Leaving him for 4 weeks accomplishes nothing!

  40. pete9102 profile image57
    pete9102posted 13 years ago

    i think you should do just that it serves him right.im a firm beliver in life long marraige but when it comes to that i say go for it

  41. H P Roychoudhury profile image42
    H P Roychoudhuryposted 13 years ago

    It is better to teach him a lesion whatever way you like remaining together and not leaving him free for 4 weeks..

  42. Variety Writer profile image61
    Variety Writerposted 13 years ago

    I wouldn't do it. It doesn't seem like anything good could come out of it.

  43. Edoka Writes profile image61
    Edoka Writesposted 13 years ago

    If another woman can jump in that easily you might want to rethink staying in that relationship. Also, it will help if you strive to raise your standards. We all have character flaws, but cheating causes lies, disease, and division- it's a serious matter.

  44. teamrn profile image60
    teamrnposted 13 years ago

    If he allows another woman to jump in to fill your shoes in 4 weeks, he couldn't have the feelings for you that he ought to. Do you want a fellow like that around?

    I dont know if you have children, but if so, their assumption can easily be that cheating is okay and that there aren't consequences to behaving the way he's been.

    I like what Lady Summerset says, that your absence won't teach him anything. Working problems out together in counseling might if he's amenable to that.

  45. Mimi's Corner profile image58
    Mimi's Cornerposted 13 years ago


    Have you tried confronting him over your feelings and how his infidelity makes you feel..... Since you are afraid that another lady may jump into your space and fill the vacuum,definitely shows that you are not over him yet and you are still much inlove with him....So my advice is to talk over issues with him despite your intentions to go away for four weeks,  letting him know that you're hurting but yet you still care about him is a good way of keeping him in suspence,though; you need to go away to clear your head....With that he wouldn't think you're breaking up with him or fill your place with another lady.

  46. profile image53
    raxxsachposted 13 years ago

    Firstly ,if you really want to reform him punishment is not the solution.you need to make him feel guilty so he really realize that what he did was wrong.I guess you should really talk to him about it if this is the first time. Give a chance to maintain your marriage,we all make mistakes but what is important is to realize and both of you should work hard on your marriage once again..

  47. NickiRudd profile image60
    NickiRuddposted 13 years ago

    screw him...then wen hes about ta blow get up and leave take your stuff and any kids u might have and dont look back...sorry to say but 99.999999% of cheaters never change! you deserve better than that...all people do.

  48. kevrock529 profile image62
    kevrock529posted 13 years ago

    4 weeks as punishment for cheating? Really? I would say kick him out of the house and move on. You are saying he is a cheat and you are even nervious that leaving him for 4 weeks he may mess around with someone else. It does not sound to me like you are trusting at all, as you shouldn't be. I say move on and find true happiness. A relationship should be based on trust!

  49. ggenda profile image60
    ggendaposted 13 years ago

    If your goal is to teach him a lesson, please reconsider. Perhaps a temporary separation will be a healthy choice, but do it with the understanding that it's a step towards repairing the damage that has been caused by the affair. Find a good marriage counselor, and use any time apart as a chance to let things settle a bit, so you can move forward in a healthy way when you are ready.

    Good luck to you!

  50. Silverspeeder profile image61
    Silverspeederposted 13 years ago

    I would love to know how you came to the conclusion that 4 weeks would be a suitable period for you husband to come to his senses?
    If a man is a cheat he will remain a cheat unless something turns him away from his path, 4 weeks will do nothing 4 ever may have the desired affect.
    If you are worring that he may jump into bed with someone else you will never be free to love someone properly.
    Offer him a solution, if you are very cleaver you may get the answer you require if not it may be time to move on.


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