My boyfriend of 8 years recieved a massage gift certificate from a female co worker.
It costed her 70 dollars and she makes minumum wage. I asked if others recieved a gift and he said yes. But I wasn't sure if he was being honest. A red flag went up for me because his supervisor just told him the other day that this female sure talks highly of him and he could do no wrong in her eyes. My boyfriend shared this with me. I told my boyfriend that I wanted him to return the gift to her and let her know it was too much to accept it, and inappropriate. He refused and thought I was being silly. I then took it upon myself to email her and let her know that I didn't app
If he made the point to bring it up to you it is possible that there is nothing to fear. However, most women can be very manipulative. I would keep an eye out but don't punish your partner for her actions.
I don't care that he told you; did it occur to you that he told you because he thought you might find out and didn't want to look as if he was hiding anything if you did find out? I'm sorry to sound so suspicious, but men have been known to resort to such things. That gift certificate had to be one of the most inappropriate gifts she could have given him! And I wouldn't have been very happy if my boyfriend had refused to give it back.
On the bright side, if he told you this woman has a crush on him, he probably isn't very interested in her. And take consolation from this; she makes minimum wage and spent $70 on a gift certificate for a man seeing (or living) with someone else. What an idiot!
You are right to feel it is an inappropriate gift; regardless of how much money she makes; UNLESS she gave it to him for BOTH of you to use, which is apparently NOT the case.
And, at least he told you about it, regardless of his intention (trust and honesty or deviousness as gloriarubio278 implies). For now, it's HIM you should trust and her you should not.
That said, it was also a bit immature on your part to email her. I understand the motivation to do so, but that makes you look petty and jealous.
I'm a bit torn over whether he should give it back; on one hand yes because it's inappropriate and if he's truly not doing anything to lead her on then returning it would confirm to her that he's not interested. However, if she wanted him to have it knowing he was with you then... yeah, use it!
Ideally, he should give it to YOU. I think THAT would send the most powerful message, but he has to give it to you willingly, not because you bully him into it.
Yeah, I know why you got a red-flag there because that was very disrespectful of her and also of your boyfriend for not returning it, I'd keep a close eye on the both of them.
God bless us all
At the root of the issue is whether or not you believe that your boyfriend is the kind of person who can deal with someone like this woman in a way that would protect the relationship he has with you.
What she did might be inappropriate. That is a somewhat subjective determination. I think it's inappropriate because of the cost of the gift. It seems excessive. She apparently harbors much affection for him. She might be manipulative or she might be deceiving herself into thinking that they are "just friends."
Do you think your boyfriend is able to understand that, and be willing to draw a line?
I agree that contacting her was not a wise move, although I understand the emotions involved. You are protecting your turf. But since you don't have a relationship with this woman, you only risked alienating your boyfriend, because she doesn't know you and therefore doesn't care what you think.
if you demand he do something, you are attempting to exercise control over the situation. It would be much better if he were the one to set the limits and deal with her appropriately.
Some men will be pigs and will deliberately try to woo other women. Most men are simply ignorant of what is going on, and get sucked into a situation in which they can do stupid things.
Talk to your boyfriend calmly about the situation. Express your concerns and fears. Emphasize that you trust him, and that you know that he would discuss things with you if he ever began to develop feelings for this woman.
Good luck, I wish you the best.
Speaking as a man here, I guess you really need to know your partner. There has to be trust. If he has demonstrated lack of trust to you, maybe that is your red flag here. If not, you have to trust that this is innocent.
It is not your place to talk to her about that gift. It is rightfully not your place to view it as a sex gift of any kind. You should be glad that he is getting a massage. They release lots of tension and will make your boyfriend relate better once he is less stressed. Jealousy will kill a relationship faster than anything that I know. It would only be inappropriate if you put a sexual spin to it. Maybe you could go to the massage appointment with your boyfriend and get one too. That wouldn't be out of the question and would show him that you care about him and are not possessive.
This is just a ploy. She is trying to cause trouble. I have been there done that. I have heard it all. Massages are good for you,but is shouldn't be kept by him from her. She is not in a position to be giving the gift,you said. So yes that is a red flag. The old saying is keep your friends close,keep your enemy's closer. Keep a distant eye on her,without him knowing it. Then you use the massage not him. You could use it. I wish you luck.
Overall, you know the situation of your trust in your boyfriend. And the 8 years is either a reinforcement of trust or it not. The gift was either thought out or it wasn't. I have met very few people that would harbor such feelings of affection and dotage as she would without a friendship or niceness from your boyfriend - although he may be innocent and just a nice person.
I have friends who work in minimum wage jobs and their families own close to 3/4 of the restaurants in town. And a lot of the people they work with have no clue who their family is. But they have plenty of money and are just looking for something to do and pass the time while in college or pondering what they want to do in life. You don't know what her situation financially is.
I would agree the gift is not appropriate. And if I ever give a massage as a gift I make sure to include at least enough for two people to go enjoy themselves. This way the recipient can go with whoever they want and enjoy themselves with a friend or significant other - and it doesn't financially obligate anyone to use it.
With all that rambling, I am saying you either trust your partner or you don't. If you don't either decide on what needs to be done for you to trust your partner or maybe it is time to move on or grow up. I hope the situation works out however is best for you.
It might not be such a good idea to email her yourself about how it was inappropriate. Your boyfriend should know what he's doing, and you should trust him. You should talk to your boyfriend, and tell him how you feel about the situation.
You shouldn't have meddled in the relationships with his co-workers.
Just because you are jealous, doesn't immediately mean you are right.
There is nothing going on, and if you trust him and he's being honest, it is truly "just" a gift certificate. I would worry if he returned her praise and if he was the one talking about her like she does about him. For as long as the "feelings", if there are any, are from her side only and not returned, nothing is wrong.
I would also worry if the massage certificate was for a massage BY HER, but since that does not seem to be the fact, nothing is wrong.
Since you appear to be very close to your boyfriend. you don't want that anybody else should come in between you both. Your feeling about returning the gift is based on your true emotional attachment with your boyfriend.
But to be very specific, when trust and loyalty exist in a relationship,, no one can hurt or take away your boyfriend from you. So rest assured and have confidence in him as well as in you. I don't think your boyfriend has anybody else in his mind or heart except you.
If your boyfriend told you about it it seems that you can trust him. I would, like Debra Allen said go with him, you could also book a massage.
Do you know this woman? Could it be that your boyfriend is the only person at work that is nice to her and that is why she speaks highly of him? Are you even sure that she paid for the massage - maybe she has a friend who is trying to get a massage business off the ground who has given her gift certificates to give away as a means to promoting her new business (I know of people who have done this). It may be a red flag but if I was in your place I'd email her an apology and ask her out for drinks as an apology and see what happens. Maybe once she gets to know you she will leave him alone, maybe she just needs a friend. Either way this will give you more insight.
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