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Looking for good advice after 21 years of marriage and several infedilty issues,

  1. profile image43
    kyleboygregposted 8 years ago

    Looking for good advice
    after 21 years of marriage and several infedilty issues, I think I am...

    facebook chats is where it started with her and one of her past flings
    I am hurting inside and I think im about to explode I trully love my wife we have 1 child 12 yrs old I hope I dont have to do DNA  test.
    is there any way to deal with this other than a messy divorce?

  2. profile image49
    azsqrlposted 8 years ago

    Several infidelity issues?  All of them hers?  If so, maybe your wife and mine should go bowling together... same boat as you, I am keeping it together as best I can--but I think I realize that I should have ended it 21 months ago when I discovered her last affair.

    You can have an easy split as long as you both agree on child custody.  I would suggest 50-50 and see where she goes with it.

  3. Compliance Doctor profile image73
    Compliance Doctorposted 8 years ago

    I am sorry to hear of your situation.  It is very concerning to hear about folks throwing away loving relationships, families, homes, and especially when there is children involved.  I go back to this study I read a few years back as to why women cheat.  The Articles gives ten reasons why women do this, I hope that you can use these to possibly look within yourself to see if maybe you can see these being live and real in your relationship and hopefully at the least, be able to discuss these with her in hopes of getting beyond this and back to the love that you obviously have had or it would have not made it this far.  The reasons are: not enough sex, women wishing to sew their wild oats, self esteem, revenge, lack of intimacy, feelings of being neglected, emotional withdrawal, bedroom boredom, an exit strategy, and tit for tat if you've done the same. 

    Seeing the obvious that many of these can be lumped together to ideally foresee that the reason for her cheating has a lot to do with her sexual self and her view of how she thinks of herself or even how you should be treating her.  the attention the person she cheated with probably outweighs the attention possibly you give her in daily interactions and then in bed. Try to not get defensive with her and look at your inner self to determine if truly you can relate to incidents where you have not provided a nurturing side to these parts of all human relations whether sexual or none-sexual.  i hope this helps someway and to know that there are those of us who will be thinking about you.  So hang in there and give some thought to NEW and innovative things to do for at this point it does not sound like you have anything to loose but, a lot to gain.  The compliance Doctor

  4. Lady Rose profile image73
    Lady Roseposted 7 years ago

    Do you love her? If you do, then forgive her and try to become the prince charming she is looking for. Court her again.
    Good communication solves many problems. Have a heart to heart talk without anger or accusations. Tell her how you feel. See if she still loves you or not.
    If you donĀ“t love each other anymore, then get the divorce. The kid will be better off with only one parent than with parents that dont love each other anymore.

  5. Libra Rajani profile image60
    Libra Rajaniposted 7 years ago

    that's a very sad situation for anyone to be in. I don't know if you and your wife have had a discussion about this, but I encourage you to do so and to seek the help of a marriage counselor.
    Keep in mind, that if both parties aren't willing to anything it takes to make the marriage work, counseling will not help.
    If you are not sure about your child's DNA, your wife must have been doing this for a while.
    Maybe she has some deep-rooted problems that she has not addressed. She may need to seek help on her own before she can help the marriage. I think you should find that out first before you make a decision about divorce.
    If the two of you want to be together and she's willing to seek help, there's always hope.
    Good luck,