Is love selfish or selfless?

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  1. wandererh profile image77
    wandererhposted 11 years ago

    Is love selfish or selfless?

    If you love a person, and you know that the best thing for that person is to leave you, do you want that person to leave or stay with you?

  2. Xgear profile image60
    Xgearposted 11 years ago

    Thats one huge question, probabbly worth of a Hub (Gave me a hell of a good idea to write on something now tongue)

    To try to answer it short, I do belive it depends on your position and on your attitude.

    Ever since I started dating I have had a few important relationships in my life, about half of them (from the girl-side) acted as if love was being selfish -I want you only to myself no matter what it costs- and the other half was more of the type "If I love you, I'll let you free to seek your own happiness, even if it costs me mine". Nevertheless, about a 75% of the relationships that I had with the selfish-kind of love, ended with a switch in my girlfriends point of view to "I want your happines more than my own, so be free".

    I do belive real love is related to sacrifice, but not about not caring at all or giving a small fight. I'll try to develope more on the idea once I get some time to Hub about it.

  3. MikeNV profile image71
    MikeNVposted 11 years ago

    Most relationships are not based on love... they are based on what we get from someone else not what we give to someone else.

    If you look at the way a mother cares for her children and compare that love to romantic relationships you clearly see a different definition.

  4. Torch Harrison profile image77
    Torch Harrisonposted 11 years ago

    Hate to use a Bible quote here, but I feel it's the best definition of what love is:

    "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

    I Corinthians 13:4-7

  5. profile image0
    reeltaulkposted 11 years ago

    I don't understand your question, but I believe true love is selfless because you sacrifice that which you would do for self in the name of someone else.  This is done without ulterior motive or agenda.  It is done just because............... but some people fail to realize that there is a price to pay when unconditional love is in your corner and you do not respect or appreciate it for what it is.

    P.S.  Maybe if you think the best thing for them is to leave and they won't....Why don't you leave?  It's obvious you have good reasons for feeling this way.  So take the initiative and disappear, sooner than later they'll get over it!

  6. suny51 profile image60
    suny51posted 11 years ago

    i know what you mean,you would want him to leave you because you love him,now its up to him weather he stays with you and face the music or just walk off. i would suggest you to make him leave.

  7. Obscurely Diverse profile image62
    Obscurely Diverseposted 11 years ago

    It would be a selfish desire (nothing wrong with that) all the way...  To say that you love someone while thinking or even suggesting to them the false pretension that it's best for them to leave you, is like saying you're hungry but it would be better if you passed on the Rib-Eye steak because you're fat - hence, you still want the damn steak due to selfish desires and/or cravings, wants, et cetera, but ya keep telling yourself "no."

    If your feelings are that strong, you'll try to find a way to make it work, regardless, and for your best interest of "self."  I would call that "selfish," but only in a good way...

  8. Noble Mongoose profile image60
    Noble Mongooseposted 11 years ago

    Of course I would want them to stay. But I'm the kind of person who instantly tries to detach when I find out that I'm doing something that hurts my partner. I guess I'm just a coward; I would rather count my losses than suffer through the offense of knowing that I don't make my partner happy in every way.

    I can't change who I am. And I won't change who I am. Anyone who wants something different than what I am clearly doesn't want me. So why waste time?

    I guess in a way my personal love is selfish. I'm an individual, and I will always try to protect my fragile heart first and foremost.

  9. Kevin Peter profile image60
    Kevin Peterposted 11 years ago

    I think love is selfless since when a person becomes ready to sacrifice his/her own priorities and desires for the sake of the other person does the true love come to being. Love exists only where a person who loves the other becomes a ‘ZERO’ to make the other person feel ‘HERO’.

  10. Ashmi profile image61
    Ashmiposted 10 years ago

    It is selfish if it is for personal gain or pleasure: and selfless if it's for the benefit of another, especially if you have to sacrifice your own wants.

    However: romantic love is hardly ever based on love of the other but on love of oneself. True love accepts the other for what they are, and is not based on what we want them to be.

    If I think the other is better off without me then I will leave: but not before asking myself whether it is I, who may think myself better off by leaving or by the other leaving.

  11. elordmayor profile image61
    elordmayorposted 10 years ago

    It is selfish if it is built on what you will gain out it.

  12. twobmad profile image60
    twobmadposted 10 years ago

    I think both. Love is selfish by the I am jealous which is one of a very prominent signs of man's love. And it is selfless when I need to sacrifice for her on something, or some matter.

  13. Dynicky profile image61
    Dynickyposted 10 years ago

    Of course the decision is up to them.  But if they "want" to leave, Love is letting them go because love=freedom of choice and respecting that persons freedom to make that choice.  Love can be a little bit of both depending on how you want to look at it.  Some people feel that loving oneself is selfish because you do in many aspects have to put yourself first.  But when it comes to loving another person there are times when you do have to be selfless.. Putting that other person first at times.  I just find that balance between both aspects of love are important....  You don't want to be so into yourself that you lose sight of loving other people.. But at the same time you don't want to be so into loving others that you lose sight of loving you...

  14. Nohemie profile image60
    Nohemieposted 10 years ago

    Love is selfless because when you love God, you love yourself and others, so it can't be selfish.

  15. msorensson profile image75
    msorenssonposted 10 years ago

    Love, and I take it to mean in a romantic sense, only seeks the happiness of the other person. It never wants to cage anyone.


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