can a woman forgive and forget after she had been physically assualted by her fiance?
5 year relationship. he drank 1x/year and when he did he was evil. only attacked me once when he drank 1/2 bottle of johnny walker. i forgave him after a 4 month break, but took him back for 2 more years. i grew up in an alcoholic environment so it was natural for me to forgive. but we couldnt forget it. argued a lot about it here and there. is it ok when you really love someone and want to help them?
No, it isn't. I too grew up in a alcoholic environment , but if that person keeps doing it and he/she doesn't want to acknowledge that he needs help or does something about it then there's nothing you can do. It may even go as far as you becoming obsessed with him or getting close to the mind frame. Remember this, Hell have no Fury, like a woman scorned.
Forgive yes, forget no. Stay with that individual, no way. Gie him back his ring and get out as fast as you can because if he assaults you now, he may kill you or permanently injure you later. It's better to look for someone who will respect you as a woman and as a human being than be anyones punching bag.
The key word is Fiancee! Gets drunk & is abusive is a lethal combination. If he did this while engaged what will happen after your'e married? Quite while your'e ahead and alive! Just the fact your'e asking the question leads me to believe that in your heart you know the answer.
Nope!! You go back once you'll keep going back....
And if your not going top forget. there's no point either. It's like cheating. If a couple tries to countinue a relationship after one has cheated and whom ever was hurt can't forget, the relationship becomes a constant battle of 'I'm sorry" and "How could you do that"
I am a very forgiving individual, but hearing the word "attack" in a relationship is never good. I'm scared for you, and see women put their lives on the line for what they've decided is love all the time. I don't know the dude, everyone makes mistakes, but the kind of therapy needed for an abuser is intense and not always successful. Bad environment, and it gets worse. You can do better than that, anyone can do better than staying with an abusive partner. Male or female.
I can understand how a woman who grew up around alcoholics would consider guy who drinks and gets nasty only once a year to be a pretty good find. Big improvement on family members who might have drunk all week long!
But just because this guy is better (or flips out less frequently), doesn't mean he's okay. To be frank, Sharonsadlon, I think you've got a messed up idea about what forgiveness means. Forgiveness means you let go of the bitterness and pain inside you. It does not mean you forget about making sure the assault doesn't happen again.
If he doesn't take concrete steps to ensure the assault does not happen again, he isn't really sorry. And you would be better off forgiving him from afar. Way afar.
The problem is there are too many women who do forgive and forget. Those are the women who "accidentally fell down the stairs" an awful lot lately. I would say the best piece of advice I was ever given is to not be in a relationship with someone you don't feel safe with. I agree with ahostagesituation - using the word "attack" when describing the person you are commited to is never really a good thing. Loving someone and wanting to help them does not necessarily mean that you have to put yourself in harms way. If you stay with him, then he has no reason to change. You really shouldn't lock yourself into a relationship that can prove devastating for you.
no. it is never ok to attack anyone and alcohol is just an excuse. if he can hurt you like that when he is drunk imagine how much more he could hurt you if he was in controll of his reflexes and strength ect. i grew up in an abusive environment where my father was beating my mom and it started this way too and only got worse after marriage. i havent had any contact with my biological father since i was two and a half because my mom had to take her four children and run. it was the only way out because she had let it go on for so long. you dont ever want to be in her position, where not only are you in danger, but any children you may have will be too.
Physical assault of a women in the histories have also not been forgiven. Because it indicates that a person who can reach such an extent and does not respect a woman can not be considered a sensible human being. A woman, but not your respect.
In my view, a person who cannot respect a woman and her existence , also not the chances given to correct oneself , is no worthy of anything else except depriving him of the true and utmost love that you were bestowing upon him.
by Steven Escareno 7 years ago
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by Deepak Chaturvedi 6 years ago
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