What do you do when someone you love seems like they enjoy getting you upset?

1. 60

   s_littleposted 13 years ago

   What do you do when someone you love seems like they enjoy getting you upset?
   
   My guy likes to press my buttons. He doesn't do it that often but when he does he knows exactly what to say to get my blood boiling. How do I respond to that. Usually we end up arguing but I get over it. I just hate the arguments though.

   replyreport
2. 67

   Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

   Find it what your guy's buttons are and press them when he starts with you.  He seems to like doing it for his amusement, let's see how he handles it when he gets the same treatment.

   replyreport
3. 61

   davidseegerposted 13 years ago

   This is difficult to answer without a lot more information. Intent is the big question here. Does he really like to upset you? Does he enjoy the fight and then the makeup that come later? Has anyone ever told you that you are too sensitive? Has anyone ever said that he is too crude? or obnoxious? Some people do like to get others upset. It is a matter of control. Is he controlling in other ways? Has he always been this way with you? Does he treat other women the same way? How does he deal with men? What do your friends, both men and women, say about this action? How does he show that he loves you? Is it possible that he doesn't have any tools for communicating his feelings about you? Remember the grade school boy who pulled your hair or the bow on your dress to get your attention? There is a lot to think about here. Be careful to try to keep your emotions out of the analysis of his actions. Try to be objective if possible. Good luck!

   replyreport
4. 60

   s_littleposted 13 years ago

   Thanks for everyones input, David you really gave me something to think about. I noticed that when Im away thats when we argue the most. And to Flightkeeper, I think I know what buttons to press with him and I do whenever I feel like hes trying to upset me but that doesn't seem to work, so now Im looking for a different solution. And to Xbox, I guess its ok to piss people off as long as youre bored... we're adults, we have 3 kids, so we have no lives, our life is our kids. Every once in a while we can get a babysitter and spend a little quiet time together but thats as spicy as it gets.

   replyreport
5. 58

   justomposted 13 years ago

   When in a relationship both folks know the buttons to push but to me it's shameful to push them. If you love someone you just don't do it. Good luck. Peace!!

   replyreport
6. 0

   Always Greenerposted 13 years ago

   Generally try to avoid being reactive, because it won't help the situation.  Then, trying to keep your own calm and cool, assess whether he is genuinely being mean and hurtful, or are you so in love with him that you are perhaps a bit oversensitive to his opinions.  Sensitivity can ramp things up a notch in regard to arguments with loved ones, believe me I know.  But, it's hard to tell from here whether your spouse enjoys it or whether it is well-intentioned.

   replyreport
7. 60

   your cybersisterposted 12 years ago

   This would totally describe my two teenage boys.  They get plenty of positive attention, but they enjoy seeing me get upset for some reason I can't begin to understand.  They will call me and tell me the most outrageous things - the cat got run over, the house was broken into, they've been arrested, whatever comes to mind - just for a reaction.  Of course, they freak me out and cause unnecessary stress.  As soon as I tell them that I'm coming home they tell me the truth and start laughing.  I have been working at not reacting - just saying "Oh, that's too bad" or "I'm sorry to hear that".  It has reduced, but not stopped, these stupid stories.  I have warned them one day they will be telling the truth about something like this and I won't believe them...

   replyreport
8. 61

   NorthEast Timberposted 12 years ago

   You have two choices either change your response to his actions, or change your boyfriend.   I quess you'll need to firgure out if your overreacting or if he is.
   
   I'd go with the latter.  I was always told, don't put up with what your not willing to put up with for the rest of your life.  If pushing your buttons is recreational activity for him, then you need to move on.  Life is way to short to constantly live like that.

   replyreport
9. 59

   NiaLeeposted 12 years ago

   I had that discussion with my hubby yesterday. The thing is to take a few step back and not reacting when you see it coming, some men or people link your upset to the care you have for them. If you love them,, you will still get upset. I t is like with children pushing the limits to get attention!
   My husband will call me anytime I touch my keyboard for random useless things or have the kids gang on me so I don't have my quality time...why? because he can use me the best when my mind is on clear!!!
   SO, be aware and prepared, a lot of people use that same trick to control, manipulate or simply comfort themselves in their relationship.
   Love and peace to you

   replyreport