My fiance is very busy all day is it selfish or wrong for me to get upset when w

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  1. missy8 profile image60
    missy8posted 9 years ago

    My fiance is very busy all day is it selfish or wrong for me to get upset when we don't talk???

    My fiance and I have been together for 3 years we are a long distance relationship I love him very much. He goes to collage and works so he is tired a lot. I get it but it still upsets me when we don't talk. I miss him all day and when he gets home around 9pm I cant wait to talk to him, but when were finally on the line he falls asleep after 10 min, the only time he stays up longer is if were watching videos online.This has been going on for a very long time, but I feel like he doesn't miss me like I miss him, I feel like im not that important for him to stay up and talk to is this wrong??

  2. JeniferRW profile image61
    JeniferRWposted 9 years ago

    I honestly don't think it's at all wrong for you to be upset that you don't talk. This man is going to be your husband and if the two of you don't have a relationship left when the times comes to get married what is the point going to be? If the circumstances of the long distance stuff can't be changed right now, then I absolutely feel he should make it a point to help you hang onto this relationship, and the only way you can do that being so far apart is by talking to eachother, making time for eachother etc. At the same time, sometimes he probably is truly tired on occasion so you might want to cut try and cut him some slack on those days that he just exhausted and can't help it. I think most relationships com down to compromise.

  3. sugz profile image74
    sugzposted 9 years ago

    been there done that, totally selfish...

    give this a shot instead...
    "learn to understand each other.."

    books that will help (i have read them, they really teach you a LOT!)
    John Kohe - Mind Power (into the 21st century)
    The Five Love Languages
    Mars & Venus On a Date and Together Forever

    these books will teach anyone, male or female what they need to know about the opposite sex and also about yourself as the reader..
    i learnt so much more about me that i can resolve most issues with friends family and relationships so much faster, i get results and am always happy.

    long distance is hard, but you coul djust ring an say hi hun, how was your day, (let him answer,) then say, you must be tired, would you like to get some sleep and give me a call tomorrow night?

    you will need to use the exact 'would  you' statement if you want the right result..
    anyone living with someone that their partner (man or woman) gets home from work, sits down an doesn't talk, or they argue.. let them walk in, give a hug or kiss an say (to the words of) how was your day? (let them answer while you listen) then ask.. would you like a cuppa.. if they answer yes, make it, if they say no, say OK. and leave it alone.
    then later, go to make yourself a cuppa, and ask, hun would you like a cuppa (don't offer alcahol, they just get sleepy or want sex.. and, you do want to talk right?) mos ttimes they will accept the 2nd cuppa offer, usually cos you shocked them at sayin OK the first time, but again, if they say no, just say OK.. and leave it alone..
    completely put everything aside the rest of the night, and the next morning (get up earlier if they go to work before you) and ask.. hun, "would you make me" a cupper while you're there.. 

    and leave it alone! they will either say yes or no, if yes, say thank you, make a ibg deal about it and smile.. if they say no, just say OK. and leave it alone!

    TRY IT.. wink oh, an read those books...
    2yrs ago, my south african friend was about to leave her hubby.. i told her to do exactly what i put up there.. she did, she came to work the next day shocked that it worked. they are still together and have a 2nd baby. smile

  4. dashingscorpio profile image87
    dashingscorpioposted 9 years ago

    First of all it's important not to confuse "calendar time" with "actual time" in relationships, especially long distance relationships. 3 years is not 3 years of "being together" if you only see one another a few times a year! There is an old saying, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder".

    If your fiancé doesn't (miss being with you), talking to you, holding you....etc There is a good chance he is not as "emotionally invested" in the relationship as he once was. My experience in long distance relationships is when two people are "in love" (they are always trying to find ways to be together). They're always checking airfares, sending egreeting cards, post cards, emails, have a morning call to start the day and a good-night call before going to bed, counting down the days or weeks until they can be together again....etc

    You don't mention if it's always (you) calling him after he gets home from work or he's calling you. Since he's away at college I suspect you were probably high school sweethearts. To be honest with you most relationships out of high school come to an end when one or both people go away to college. Very rarely does one meet their "soul-mate or life partner" as a teenager. Our 20s is usuaully used to explore, grow, and learn about ourselves.

    If you're the one always making the calls after 9PM then stop for a couple of days and let him call you. If he doesn't call you there may be problems on the horizon. "I feel like he doesn't miss me like I miss him, I feel like im not that important..." NEVER ignore your feelings! Trust your instincts!

  5. nightwork4 profile image61
    nightwork4posted 9 years ago

    did you know how busy he was when you first met, if yes then you are being selfish. but at the same time, if he can stay awake to watch a video like you said, maybe he's just not that into you.

  6. profile image0
    Vanessa McKayposted 9 years ago

    It could be that he is busy, and tired and thats it.  It sounds like he has alot on his plate at the moment.  What if you found something else to do?  A hobby perhaps?  Spend more time with your friends and less time waiting by the phone.  Then you won't feel so neglected by your boyfriend because you will require less from him to make you feel special. 

    You could find this turns the tables and he will buck up his game and make more of an effort.  Right now he feels you will always be waiting on the other end of the line for him so he doesn't have to make a special effort.

  7. Maricarmjolo profile image60
    Maricarmjoloposted 7 years ago

    Busy is the word I hate the most. If he win 1,000,000 dollars, do you think he will be busy to collect it? Of course not. Same with you, if he want to see you, he will.  If he really loves you he will find a way. Simple as that.

    On the other hand, please mind your own life too. Your life doesn't depend to someone. Your happiness must not depend alone to your fiancé.

    Good luck!


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