my boyfriend has very low self esteem, how can i make him realize that he's perfect for me?
I struggle with the same thing! Find out how he best receives love first - does he need to hear "I love you"? Does he see it when you keep the house clean? Do you need to buy him a gift? If he feels the most that you love him when you hold his hand or he gets alone time with you, then you telling him how handsome he is in his blue shirt probably won't come through well.
Someone once told me about a book they read on how to find the right love for your partner. If I remember right, they will find it the most either in words that you say, actions you perform, the touch he feels, the gifts you give, or the quality time you spend. So however he feels your love the most, you can follow through with that and let him know you do it because he's perfect for you. An example in my life is that I hate housework and when I come home from a busy day I just want to spend time with my boyfriend. I find time, however, to do the dishes and a few loads of laundry because I know he's the type to see my love through my actions and I know what it means to him. And I am big on touch, so him spontaneously giving me a neck massage or holding my hand without me holding it out for him shows me how much he cares. Once you find how the other feels love and really work at it, you will notice a serious change - I hope this helps
I think lalalalenas gave an excellent answer here, and I'd just like to add a bit of my own experience. My husband also has some self-esteem issues and seems certain that one day I'll realize just how flawed he is. From the beginning I've made it clear to him that I know he's not perfect, but that he's perfect for me...and I just keep consistently telling him and showing him the best I know how. At first the small actions didn't make much difference, but now any little thing I do for him just lights him up and he then tries every way he knows how to show me his appreciation. Even now, he still has doubts on occasion, but I generally make light of them whenever they appear (i.e. when he stated that someday I'd probably trade him in for a younger model, I told him if I wanted one I wouldn't have started with a classic) and they seem to dissipate fairly quickly. If I got upset at his doubts, he may misunderstand what upset me about them and think there's some validity to them. All I can really say is just keep trying...the low self-esteem may never completely go away, but through consistency and effort it will most likely start getting better.
This is where I don't relate with other women.
You are not perfect for him. If you were then you would quit thinking about yourself , and encourage him to seek therapy or other activities /hobbies that will help him lift his self esteem. Otherwise, this is an unhealthy relationship. And since being his girlfriend would only foster more dependence, you should break up with him. Your boyfriend can not find the perfect person for him if he is not in touch with his best self. This goes for everyone else.
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