Do I really have to forgive the past to move forward?

1. 60

   Elizabeth99posted 14 years ago

   Do I really have to forgive the past to move forward?
   
   They always tell you to forget the past and live in the now, but I want to remember my past-it is what made me. But if I want to be happy now how can I heal myself without forgetting?

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2. 80

   BenWritingsposted 14 years ago

   Good question
   
   No I def don't think you need to forget the past
   
   Forgive? maybe...
   
   Don't hold too much bitterness or hatred. But dont pretend it didn't matter
   
   the past is the road that led to our current destination
   
   :]

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3. 60

   Shelby Alynposted 14 years ago

   This is a difficult question to answer just right, but I'm going to give it a try anyways.
   The past is what made you, but if you continue to hold on to the negative it will just make you weak. What makes you strong is looking forward to the present and the future, and the good that is to come of it.
   Don't forget everything that made you, but also don't allow yourself to hold on to the hard bits. Look at the past as a positive thing, even the bad parts because they made you who you are.

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4. 0

   reeltaulkposted 14 years ago

   I say to each his own, I really don't believe in forgiving people just to move forward.  That makes absolutely no sense.  Now if the individual that has done me wrong comes and sincerely asks for my forgiveness and I feel that they deserve it, then maybe.  I think people get caught up in how religion looks at forgiveness and believe because jesus forgives instantaneously you should as well.  If it were that serious people would respect Jesus and not constantly do negative things because they know he will immediately forgive them.  At some point jesus gotta get pissed.  No one can forget their past if that was so what purpose would our brains serve.  I feel forgiveness is a earned not just randomly given

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5. 69

   DIYweddingplannerposted 14 years ago

   Forgiveness is a tricky thing.  It's something I've been struggling with lately, so much so that I went to my pastor about it.  If you read the book of Matthew, Jesus says that you must forgive those who hurt you and do wrong to you.  But you also mentioned forgetting and that's the real issue.  None of us can truly forget what has hurt us in the past and you are right, it does help to shape us into the people that we are.  But holding on to that hurt,  so much so that we can't move on or that we want to inflict that pain on others is like a slow poison.  It will end up killing you if you let it and ruin all the relationships you may have in the future.
   
   The most important thing is learning from the experience.  If you can take a bad experience and find something positive that came from it, i.e., it made you stronger, better, more aware, etc, then you can truly move on.

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   reenaviposted 14 years ago

   I would request you to always remember the learning from the past experience without carrying the extra baggage of the irrelevant & needless portion. Life is a journey & remember you don't carry everything thats lying in your house when you go out. You just take what you might need. Do you ever take the stuff which once you were using but is useless now & just lying somewhere in the back yard ? No you don't . So please stop loading yourself with unnecessary baggage which slows you down.
   Have a great life everyday.

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7. 58

   webguyonlineposted 14 years ago

   past is also important just as forgiveness, you can move forward if you learn to forgive in the past, just take it as your stepping stone as you face the future. leave the bitterness behind and I'm sure there's a lot of happiness you'll face in the future.

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8. 62

   Shelvajayposted 14 years ago

   It is hard, but if you want to continue to grow as a person, eventually, you will have to forgive and move forward.
   
   On New Years Day 2011, I was angry, hurt and confused because shortly before Christmas, I found out the real truth about a situation that was hidden from me; I found out that a "gift" had been purchased for me, motives and actions had been hidden, and whole truths had not been told, in order that I be held in a spot that I did not deserve to be in, done at the hands of somebody who professed to be my "friend".  This friend wanted to have control that he did not rightfully deserve. 
   
   Today is almost three months later, and I have forgiven and have moved on.  Forgiveness does not always mean all that mushy-mushy, kissy kissy stuff though.  It does mean that you have resolution and closure, so that you can focus on the good that is out there for you. 
   
   So I say that to you to say, this takes time, but whatever you do, find resolution and closure so that you can heal.  Talk to somebody that you trust, this helped me a lot.  I confronted the person that I had a grievance with as well.  This helped me greatly.  I also exposed some truths of my own, via the Spoken Word and the Written Word, and this pushed me really well, to get over it! 
   
   Whatever you have to do to get yourself some healing for yourself is up to you, as long as it is not destructive to yourself or others.  But once you do, you will feel like a Beauty Queen!  I now know what has happened, but it does not hurt nearly as bad as it did in January, 2011.
   
   I hope this helps.

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9. 60

   nightwork4posted 14 years ago

   not in the least. i honestly think if you remember the past, it makes you stronger and give you direction for your future. forgiveness is foolish in my eyes. why forgive someone when all that does is gives that person the right to do harm again without worrying about the outcome.

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10. 59

    phoenix_028@yahooposted 14 years ago

    yes forgive and not forget; not forget the lesson you have learned. Forgiveness is one thorn that you need to remove on your road to a new beginning and another is making sure you know the lesson behind it and avoid repeating the same scenario again.

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11. 38

    dianne143posted 14 years ago

    It cannot erase the memory of the past but you can by moving on and set goals to your life for future. You have to free your heart from hatred. Why you have to do that? so that you can live a happy life without the issues of past. So when you think of past you can that made you strong it should not make you weak.

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    Taleb80posted 14 years ago

    We get pain from many people through our life.
    How we can make a mix between forgiveness & forgetting to manage our life. read more

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13. 59

    Edoka Writesposted 14 years ago

    Remember but try not to allow your past to hinder your future. Know that each day is new, therefore, create the tone as positively as you can, in an effort to live your life peacefully; because you deserve it.

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14. 61

    akuiglaposted 14 years ago

    It may be very difficult.
    Sometimes is the best way to move to another city and start fresh life.
    Consult your intuition.

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15. 77

    arbposted 14 years ago

    Forgiving is not forgetting. Forgiving allows us to live today, with a past we can't forget. Unforgiveness is like holding a rose by the stem. The thorn keeps hurting us. Forgiveness equips us with gloves, the thorn remains, it just doesn't hurt the same.

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16. 60

    philirodjeposted 14 years ago

    If you really want to move forward, you have to forget the past. remembering the past is good to correct the present. it is not forbidden to remember the past but don't dwell on it forever.

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17. 59

    tamra87posted 14 years ago

    To forgive the past and forget the past is to different things but people used them as if they are not. I think you should remember the past as a life building exerence. Everything that happens if it doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. But I do think forgive the people and the problems is good to. To really be happy you need to release  all angry, hurt feeling and use it as a builing tool.

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18. 61

    Bronson_Hubposted 14 years ago

    By letting go of the past you do not sacrifice your self-respect and integrity.  Instead, try to hyper-focus on YOU, your self respect, your self esteem.  Re-condition yourself to feel happy and heal without allowing painful thoughts in the past to creep in just yet.  Once you feel that happiness you had before anything happened to you, letting go of this will be a snap.
    
    Oh, and for the record, this process took me 6 years because I kept dwelling on the wrongness of what was done to me.  When I finally took my power back and focused on doing the things I wanted to do in my life, the things done to me in the past stayed in the past and I was able to see with not necessarily a forgiving perspective, but something where I understand and do not feel anger towards anyone who harmed me deliberately.  It's like they're at the bottom of the mountain now and just a spec on my visual radar.

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19. 59

    Mark Upshawposted 14 years ago

    You do not have to forgive anyone or any event in your past to get on with your life. 
    
    You simply get on with it. Focus on things that make you happy and that inspire you to action toward what you desire. Simple.
    
    By the same method  you were interrupted with some terrible event, you may interrupt your current thoughts by creating a new future, the one you desire.

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20. 76

    Van Lal Hmangaihposted 14 years ago

    Yes.. It may be very difficult, but for your future success, you have to move forward courageously. In fact, an ability to forgive is the secret task of the winner. The looser can never forgives, rather always has excuse for his failure. We don't really need to forget all. But, there are some we have to let it go as they are.. but some we have to remember ,, yes.. since they are the motivator our future goal.
    More that what kind of bad and dreadful experience that happen to us in the past, what really happen to us right now inside our heart is more important. The way how we choose and decide things, we rather enjoy life or end up life with sorrow.  The choice that we make is very critical... You may not enable to forget the past , but choose to forgive no matter what sort of circumstances it was.. in doing that, the bright future will awaits you!

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21. 60

    sonia05posted 14 years ago

    its a difficult question for sure....personally,i believe that forgiving is the first step for healing. If one is not forgiving,one tends to think,harbour a grudge,feel more hurt,get depressed etc etc. On the other hand,if one forgives,one is at peace mentally and can definitely move ahead and future would be better and brighter!

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22. 60

    poorconservative1posted 14 years ago

    Forgiveness is a great thing and I envy anyone with that attribute. But the history of the human race teaches us several things and chief among them is that we must never forget the past. Because if we do we are doomed to repeat it.

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23. 61

    TheSeniorposted 14 years ago

    You are right on one item - the past is what made you who and what you are.  The best thing to do is analyize the past and look at all the good, bad, and so-so events that you did and want thru and caused you to be who and what you are.
    
    I have had to do this and in some cases I have had to either stop or modify some of what I was told to do.  Some of it has been painful but most of it has been a learning experience.
    
    The rule I go by is if it doesn't really cause harm to other people but they just don't like it - maybe I shouldn't associate with them - however, if it does cause harm to others then maybe it time to put a stop to it.
    
    You are not going to please all, so just analyze each situation.

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24. 59

    tbartleposted 14 years ago

    No. To me, forgiveness only benefits the one being forgiven. If their offense isn't forgivable (such as cheating or murder), then they shouldn't be given the satisfaction of forgiveness.

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25. 60

    Globalintimateposted 14 years ago

    Forgive others fault or yours, life will be better!

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26. 59

    LukeMasonposted 14 years ago

    Accept what has happened in the past so you move forward in your life. You'll never be able to forget what happens in the past, it IS what makes you, YOU! Your past can help guide in the right direction to choices you make in the future.

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27. 60

    JayDee Sterlingposted 14 years ago

    You might as well forget the past, there isn't anything you can do to change it.  You can learn from it.  Remembering your past is not what has made you, the experience you had in the past may have had an effect on you, if you keep dwelling on it, it doesn't hurt anyone but you.
    
    Opportunity knocks and that is no  joke, but happiness, you have to seek happiness, it is all around you but you have to look for it and when you find it, happiness jumps up and says "hi, here I am and it gives you a big hug". Healing does take forgiving and forgetting, if nothing else, you have to forgive yourself.  Typically we are our own worst critics, we tend to be harder on ourselves than we need to be.  So, as they say forget about the past, look to tomorrow and the happiness that it holds.  Best wishes.

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    chrisferposted 14 years ago

    if you can embrace your past and not be held back then you already forgave it. no, never forget your past. it is what made you who you are. living in the now is about knowing your past but not being held back by it. learn from your mistakes so you will be able to live in the present and not be stuck in nostalgia

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    unknown spyposted 13 years ago

    Well, for me, past is past. We learn from it. Here's a story about forgiveness that will surely grip your heart. I've read it for a thousand times already and as always, it makes me cry.
    
    http://unknownspy.hubpages.com/hub/I-Wi … orgive-You

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