Domestic Violence - You could have left, why did you stay?
From a child's point of view, are you able to understand why your parent (the victime of domestic abuse) didnt remove you from the situation and the family home and do you think they hold some blame in the effects this has on the children in later life, or were they simply to fearful?
It's not that simple. The question should never be why didn't you leave but how can society protect women and help them get out of these situations.
This is not cut and dry! Some women fear for their lives...and understandably so.. many women who leave and even get protective orders end up six feet under for leaving at the hands of the significant others! Everyone tells them to just leave and they know when they do that it can get worse...so they stay! They see the statistics!
Sometimes these men will use things to hold the person... such as he will kill your entire family...wipe out every trace of your family and leave only you to suffer because then you will suffer greatly knowing you are the one who caused their death--and he will literaly say all that! I know from exerience!
Nobdoy knows what these women go through unless you've stepped in their shoes. It's not always the same in each case either. Some abusers may not become killers while others will. Some only use threatening to hold you... but it's hard to figure out which are the real killers.
Aside from all that...some women are financially bound to their abusers. Some don't work and feel trapped in every sense of the word! It takes quite a bit to get them to leave! They think about how it will effect their children...how will they provide for them! It's a tough situation! There is help for food and shelter...but there's very little a person can do if the guy decides if he can't have you then nobody will have you! They ignore protective orders when they're obsessed!
Yes the children suffer as well. Many times these children have life-long scars... and no wonder! It's a traumatic time in their lives. However, you have to look at it from the victim's point of view. They may feel they are keeping their kids safe by not taking them out of the home--no money, no food, no shelter! They may not have access to the internet and no clue that there's help out there!
Abuse takes on many faces and roles. I was never physically abused, but had all the other forms of abuse. My questions were "who is going to believe me?" "who is going to support me the way I need it and not they way it looks?" "I have a child and another due any day...I don't want to have this baby alone?" "Maybe if I do this or that when he is home, all will be ok. He leaves anyway if I defend myself or talk too much." Domestic violence that is physical is obvious. My concerns are the abuses that are not so obvious and not so known or talked about. If I had someone talk to me about the verbal, emotional, and sexual I would most likely have left sooner.
Abuse has a cycle, just like domestic violence. All happens so slightly, slowly, that once in full swing and reality hits as to what is happening, the victim feels trapped and overwhelmed. In trying to protect our babies, we sometimes stay until we are strong enough and feel safe enough to go. Unless you have been there done that, the decision and choice is hard. I finally had enough when my abuser (husband at the time) was investigated by the FBI for pursuing a 14-yr old. Leaving was still hard and very difficult.
God bless all those women and children who are in a DV or abuse of any kind situation. May God grant them the power to leave and be strong enough to stay away until they see the light. God bless them to see through the manipulation and games the abuser will play to win them back. And a support team that will come to the victim's aid when the abuser is playing mind games. God bless those women and children.
by misslady1427 years ago
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