Should my husband do something "just for me" even though it doesn't matter to him?
When I go to get something in the kitchen, I always ask my husband if he wants something too. When my husband wants something, he will just go get it for himself and not ask me if I want anything. I prefer he ask to be polite, but he says if I want something I should just ask him for it. Am I expecting too much? He is a wonderful person, but he feels if I want something I should just ask, rather than him putting any thought into it... Should this bug me?
I'd say don't make a big thing out of it. There's a saying which states, 'pick your battles'. This is a common courtesy but sometimes men, and women as well, just don't think too much about it. I mean going in the kitchen to get something, people don't always think if someone else wants something.
As you are doing this for your husband is a wonderful thing but you can't expect it to be returned. It's minor. If your husband does something special, perhaps cook the meal, do the dishes, or laundry just for the sake of helping out, then I'd say compliment him. Sometimes they'll do the "bigger" stuff instead and that sends a greater message.
On some level, I do hear your voice............my hubby spent years, telling our daughters, " if you are going to make a sandwhich, ask others if they want one".......
He does not follow his own advice! I have 'called him out" on this on several occassions......
In the end, it is a flaw that I can overlook. He is a good and loyal man, but still, he is JUST a man. I am just a woman............each and every single one of us has our flaws, and our boiling over points....
Is this one, really?
Let it go, and choose bigger battles........
Absolutely he should do things just for you. He should take you to dinner or the movies or buy you flowers for no reason at all. But this senario is different. Guys don't think like women. They have a one track mind. Don't let this bother you. And from my experience he won't change either.
Yes, he should that! It would be great if he first tought of you and ask what you wanted...
But if that doesn't happen and if it really annoys you, you should talk to him and make him see that it's important for you that little details on the relationship...
If he gets to know your point of view, I'm sure he'll start to give more attention to details...
And don't take it wrong, it could have a lot on his mind, and not be acting like this on purpose... Give him a chance and talk to him!
Give us your feedback
I'm like you, IntuitiveMind. That kind of thing bugs me. But other people just do not think the way you and I do. What seems obvious to you (and maybe me as well) is just so far away for other people and vice versa.
Since the matter has bothered you enough to ask the question over the Internet, here on HubPages you have to address it, because there's probably something deeper going than what you're saying. But that I cannot know.
Just say to your husband something like this: "Ralph, I love and appreciate you. You're a wondeful man, husband, and (father?). You know, Ralph, when you and I are sitting in the living room watching t.v., and you go into the kitchen to grab a snack for yourself without asking me if I want something, I feel a little left out. I feel slightly neglected when you do this."
Say to him: "You and I are life partners, Ralph. We're in this together. I know this request may not be logical but its important to me. When you go into the kitchen for a snack, would you please check with me?"
If something like that works, great! If not, you have to decide if you can live with his habit.
He tells you if you want something, you should ask for it, so ask.....He is being honest..you should be grateful.
He is married to you..in my opinion, he is totally and absolutely committed to making you happy and keeping you happy and he is simply being honest..
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