Wondering what people think of ex-spouse's still staying very close to the ex's siblings & parent's?
No real life experience here......but, I like to think........
that if for whatever reason my hubby and I parted company........
it would not mean that he and my brother could not still enjoy...( insert all that might apply) hunting, race cars, woodworking
I would HOPE that he would not simply and suddenly dismiss my Dad, who has welcomed him, and treated him as a Son through the years.
It would not mean, that he was no longer able to pull a truck from a ditch......no matter who was driving the wayward truck.
Honestly, no, I do not think that I would want to sit across the holiday table, and make nice, with my former spouse.......I am too little of a person.........but, I would have no resentment, if he found his way and his welcome at the various tables of my family members during a particular celebration. He, too, is worthy of welcome, or humanity, and the celebration of memories and yesterdays.
Yes, I would, indeed hope, that even though he and I no longer desired to be committed, he would still find friendship within my family. He has been a part of it so long, he deserves his place.
Though, I would probably prefer not to meet his lady friend, it would be nice to hear from the family grapevine, that he has one. I have adored him far too long, to wish him lonliness and an empty life.
No matter our differences, or the thing that tore us apart, would I ever, dismiss him from the lives of our daughters and grandchildren. I would suck up and bear some discomfort, so that they might celebrate and enjoy their special moments in life.
That happened to my good friend and it was really hard. It made a difficult and tense family dynamic even worse and led to a lot of confusion and anger in the kids involved. It was the kids who ended up asking the parent to back off since they were no longer a "part" of this side of the family. These situations are so hard and so personal sometimes the "right" thing is hard to sort out. Maybe honest communication with all parties can help figure out what's best.
I don't think that ex's should be showing up at holiday functions. They should have enough respect and consideration not to put everyone into an awkward position. Friendships can still be maintained. I've seen it done and it isn't a big deal.
Well my ex wasn't happy about it but my mother in law insisted we stay in touch and we did. She keep saying that she didn't divorce me so why should we stay apart if we actually went along very well for all those years.
I'm glad she was so stubborn on it during those first hard months as now when everything settled, I really enjoy meeting with her and my sister in law for a cake and a chat.
Of course I don't take part in family gatherings or anything like that, we rather treat each other like good friends.
So my answer to this question is - if the relations were good, why destroy them? People shouldn't simply throw away the entire life only because they have split with someone they used to love.
Thank you for all the great advice! I am divorced and my ex-husband's family stills wants to stay connected with me. We developed a loving relationship for over 10 years and we are friends. My ex does not like this and would like for me to say no when I am invited to functions. The holidays are hard. I tried to let it remain for the children. If I have them on a holiday then I will bring them to see my ex's family or if he wants to take the time then he can bring them. When he has the kids then of course he goes and I don't go. His main problem is that if I am there there is no room for the girlfriend and that is not fair to her. Unfortunately, no one really cares about her feelings, and so that is my fault too. Divorced life is very complicated. I have tried to remove myself a little, however, his family and I really enjoy each other's company. My boyfriend thinks it is odd that I still associate with my ex's family too, however, he stands by whatever decision I make. Which is why he is the right person for me.
When there are children involved you owe it to the kids to allow them to have a relationship with their grand-parents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Part of the price for getting divorce is having to deal with uncomfortable moments from time to time. However the former couple should be able to put aside their differences. My mother always made sure we spent time with my father's side of the family when we were growing up. In some ways she was more accepted than he was! lol!
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