How to date a single father who won't listen to my concerns about my relationship with his daughter?
Thanks for all your helpful advice! My bf and I have been dating just over 3 mos. He has an 11yo girl (also a Veronica) who I really like and want to get to know. Unfortunately, she goes back & forth with the idea of me being around all the time (he gets Fri nite thru Sun nite with her) bc she doesn't like to see him waste any affection on me that could be hers. Tried to back off for a weekend to give them space, but now I'm more often cut out...and he won't talk to me about it! Says I'm creating problems when there are none! Many more factors. I deeply care for him & he's otherwise wonderful.
I would suggest to your bf that one weekend, he suggest to his daughter that you and Veronica go on an outing without him. This would give you gals time to bond without her dad or mom's influence. 11 is a tough age, but if handled correctly, at the very least you two could become best of friends. Be patient and win her over by jumping over small hurdles. Pick an outing young Veronica might be interested in doing.
"a single father who (won't listen) to my concerns..." Don't ignore clues in any relationship! Anyone who refuses to at least listen to you has very little respect for you in my opinion.
You're only 3 months into this relationship. Now is the time to step back and decide if you really believe you can be happy with things the way they are. Is this a "deal breaker" or not? If it is get out! If it's not learn to live without.
None of has the power to change anyone! People change when (they) want to. Life is too short to be trying to change water into wine or fit square pegs into round holes. Trying to change someone leads to frustration on your part and resentment on their part.
All you can do is ask. There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind.
1. We get what we want. or 2. We learn to be happy with what we have.
Only you can decide what is best for you. Best of luck!
Thank you both so much for your input! Amazing how encouraging a bit of support, anonymous or not, can be. Since writing in, he has apologized for being closed off and I have been able to discuss my concerns with him more and more. I've also come to terms with having to relinquish a bit of control and let some things just play out over time, rather than demanding answers to everything. I have spent time with his daughter one-on-one and I think I should make an effort to get more of that time in.
And Dashingscorpio...to answer your question (which totally made me stop and think and I thank you for it): no dealbreaker. Love is hard work. Happiness must be fought for. I know I will never have an easy, quiet, every-day-is-sunny type of relationship; those conditions don't even exist when it's just me that I'm dealing with! He is a beautiful person who is flawed, but always trying to improve...just like me. And I'm in love with him.
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