How do I help my husband understand, the importants of emotional intimacy in our marriage?
How do I stay in love with a man who doesn't understand how to show love, or attention unless he wants sex? I know he loves me..he tells me many times everyday. But he is so focused on his own hobbies, dreams, and projects, that there is no intimacy or energy left for me. What can I do to bring this out in him? Or help him understand that I need his attention for more ways than just in the bedroom?
You stated, "I know he loves me..he tells me many times everyday." The fact that you KNOW he loves you should carry a lot of weight. So many women (question) whether or not their men truly love them. Knowing where you stand is the foundation for any relationship.
As for trying to change him or how he behaves that is another issue. "We are who we are". The best way for a woman to have a "romantic husband" is by making sure she marries a "romantic man". Unless your huband pulled a "bait & switch" on you or you married him before you really got to know him... My guess is he has always been this way.
All you can do is (ask) your husband to give you what you need. There can only be two reasons why he would not. 1. He doesn't have it to give (It's not who he is). 2. He doesn't feel you are worth the effort to give it to. Remember people change when THEY want to. The only person you have complete control over is yourself. At the end of the day you have to determine if not getting what you want is a "deal breaker".
There are only two ways to find joy and peace of mind in a relationship. a) We get what we want. or b) We learn to be happy with what we have.
Trying to change someone often leads to frustration on our part and resentment on the part of our significant other. If this is not a "deal breaker" for you then accept his love the way he expresses it. Ultimately we are all looking for someone who will love and accept us for who we are. One man's opinion! :-) Best of luck!
Hmm...man and woman are on very different pace, when it come to relationship. Psychologist suggest, man take the parcticall approach towards love, where woman take the more emotional approach. So, woman frequently like stuff suh as romance, where guy on the other hand, might find that sort of things boring and look for more practical things such as, what sort of wife, mother and daughter in law she would make and/or whether she is attractive.
My opinion for couple, who are still dating is that, you must be honest with yourself and your partner and face your problems head on and find the best way of resolving it, even if it is to break up. Now, considering you guys are married, the idea of breaking up, as a resolution to the problem, is probably out of the question. However, you still need to face your problems head on and find a resolution to it and the problem is "you want more intimacy and he is not interest intimacy, outside the bed room." This is a problem involving two people, you two need to work it out together. Be open and tell him what you need, but in the same time, remeber what he need also. My suggestion is that,maybe you both need to make some compramise for each other.
Romantic interludes with your husband do not have to be about sex. You can plan, work, and schedule time with him at fancy restaurants and go dancing. Picnics with him as he works on his hobbies, dreams, and projects. Start asking him how can you spend time with him, or start some hobbies and projects that you know he is interested in, also. Find a dream and interest him in this dream. Be the helpless female who needs his help with this and with that. Be intelligent about his hobbies, dreams and projects as much as is not annoying. Get you into his life at least a little. Communication is the key to all relationships and all relationships have rules to the game. You know the rules, play by the rules and show him you care. He will notice. If all else fails and you are committed to the relationship 100 percent, go ahead and make a baby.
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