Do you think forgiving transgressions saves relationships or destroys them?
I have seen too many loving couples split up after some transgression by either party after a moment of madness. They both regret it later and wished they could've stuck together. Is it possible for a relationship to survive such misdemeanours- major or minor?
I think forgiveness helps the forgiver more than the transgressor. With every act of forgiveness, anger and resentment are released. But even with forgiveness, reconciliation is not always possible or even desirable. I do think that with work by both people, forgiveness by the offended party and then remorse on the part of the transgressor, relationships can be salvaged, and even re-created.
Each of us knows our strengths and weaknesses, what we can tolerate and what is intolerable to us personally. I have found that most people are resistant to change and patterns remain repeated. I feel the predictability of negative behavior patterns in itself can, at best, stagnate and at worst, defeat relationships. For example, I met a man at work that found out I was getting a divorce. I'd known him casually for some time prior to my plans and used to catch him staring at me or getting tongue-tied trying to make small talk in passing during the workdays. He turned me off with too much expensive cologne, primped coif and worked-out, pumped up body. In short, he was more vain than I. I also recognized that he was smart enough to size up and approach, which led me to the assumption he was well practiced. I was vulnerable at the time of my divorce and consented to a quick drink after work, which was relaxing and fun. He read me like a book and said all the right things, falsely appearing caring and interested. When I was moving into my apartment, working all day at my job, loading up my Miata to the gills every night, stopping to unload my car on the way home and repeating the process the next day, he asked to see my apartment one afternoon following work. He came into the apartment and attempted to grope me, never even asking if he could carry one item into my new digs. I knew my initial impression of him was spot on. His self-centered ego and lack of impulse control still rules and does not inhibit him calling me to "see how I'm doing" and ask me out "to catch up". I had the courage to leave an unsatisfying marriage, why would he think that the little he has to offer to a relationship would interest me at all? I thank my lucky stars I am not his "Mrs". He might think he is "smarter" than me; but then, again, he's not thinking with his brain. Now, when the phones rings and I can see it is him, I ignore his persistent calls, just like he ignored my packed car and my need for a little help. And, this is just one small instance where familiarity breeds contempt.
forgive and forget is the best policy.... when u dnt its spoils ur self and ur relation with others too.
I believe it depends on what the transgression was, how it happened, did they admit to it or were they caught. Many things enter into the breakup of a relationship. It takes two to tango and it takes two to make a relationship succeed or fail.
It is possible for a relationship to survive - although not probable. It takes a lot of work - double than normal, to regain someone's trust and prove yourself again. It can only work if both partners have the same goals and really want to be together.
Humaneness is about forgiveness. But it starts with forgiving oneself first I think. Then it becomes easier to forgive others. It took me a while to realize that. I started doing some forgiveness techniques daily which helps greatly like a daily cleanse. For couples, there has to be a lot of that. There's a new very unique one day class being offered for couples for Relationship Rejuvenation which you can read about at http://www.merkaba.org/oneday.html#couples
Hope this can help
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