How do you handle false accusations?

1. 81

   silverstararrowposted 13 years ago

   How do you handle false accusations?
   
   How do you handle people who accuse you of doing something wrong, when you have no clue of what they are going on about? They'd have a mini speech ready, listing all the things that you've done badly. Only problem is, you've not done anything, and they are too stubborn to clarify a simple misunderstanding.

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2. 0

   msorenssonposted 13 years ago

   There are variations of this story in Zen books.
   
   Once there was a monk who lived in a hut in the compound of a very wealthy and pious patrons. He earned his meals by helping take care of the yard. The couple had a daughter. One day the daughter announced that the monk violated her and she was pregnant with his child.
   
   Naturally, the couple were furious. When confronted all he said was "Oh.."
   
   As the girl was still a child herself, they waited until the baby was born, gave the baby, a boy, to the monk and shuttled him as far away from their province as possible.
   
   The monk supported the child by doing manual labor wherever it was possible to get work.
   
   When the boy was seven years old, a servant asked him and the boy to have dinner with his employees.  The monk obliged, and together with the boy showed up at the house indicated by the servant.
   
   As it turned out, his hosts were his former benefactors, traveled all the way from their province. The monk did not say anything. The boy was delighted to be in such a feast.
   
   After dinner, the hosts told the servants to bathe and clothe the boy, give him all the toys and play with him for a little while, and the monk was left alone with the hosts.
   
   The hosts explained that a few days ago, their daughter admitted that the father of the child is the son of the a clan whom they particularly disliked and she did not tell them about him because she was afraid of what they would do, but now that there was no longer as much animosity between the clans, she could tell them, and they have arranged for her marriage to the father of the child. They wanted their grandson back. The monk said "Oh.."
   
   When the boy came back, to see his "father", the monk took him to the yard and told him everything that the patrons told him and told him they have come to take him with them. The boy cried, but he understood.
   
   The monk thanked his hosts and left.

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3. 81

   MsDoraposted 13 years ago

   Don't handle them at all.  Adopt the attitude that "saying it is so, doesn't make it so," and go right on living.

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4. 59

   michememeposted 13 years ago

   I find the root in which the accusation started. Often, at the root it may have stemmed from a misunderstanding or a malicious person. I take this serious, people work hard to keep their character and name clean. It is unfair to permit craziness to be perceived about you. Now I'm a realist, we can't control others true, but we can hold them personally accountable for lies.

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5. 71

   backporchstoriesposted 13 years ago

   I recently with through a situation where I was accused and innocent.  It made me mad!  I could not understand how they came to the conclusion they did.  I could not figure out what I did or said that they may have misinterpret.  First I was very hurt and it cost me a friendship.  After rehashing in my mind, I decided to let it go, because if they have that attitude, I do not need them as a friend.  I should feel comfortable and not feel like I have to walk on eggshells.  It was a great lesson, so now, I do not react.  I will offer a time to sit and talk and put all on table in hopes to resolve issues.  If the issue is still there, then I simply make a choice and walk away!  I want happiness in my life and not misery.

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   1. 59

      michememeposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Reflecting is good, sometimes an instant reaction could cost us, prices we aren't willing to pay. I think before I act, but I do discuss what happened. I don't really care what others think, but I do care about damaging who I am.

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6. 69

   libby1970posted 13 years ago

   I would call them out on everything on their list. I would tell them to prove their points. Then I would make a point to prove each thing was a false accusation. If this was a friend, they would no longer be my friend. If it's a lover or spouse...they would be stopping this nonsense right away or they wouldn't be my significant other very long.
   
   Nobody should have to put up with this sort of problem. It can cause way too much stress on an individual. I've dealt with people like this before and it can drive you almost crazy.
   
   If this person is not someone you "need" in your life...then forget proving anything and tell them to get out of your face with nonsense and simply avoid them in the future!
   
   Good Luck

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7. 68

   CriticalMessageposted 13 years ago

   I would simply turn around and walk away knowing a reason not to respect  the accuser... If I subject myself to them again in the future... Then it is my fault... Do not be where you do not want to be.. Blame only yourself if you are.

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