How would you handle your son or daughter coming out as gay or lesbian?
In the last few days there have been a slew of questions concerning homosexuals, some of the comments have been somewhat disturbing to me - apparently, the world is not as progressive as I would like to have thought.
I would, honestly, like to know how someone who believes homosexuality is a 'choice' or a defect of circumstance and parentage would handle their own child coming out as gay or lesbian.
How would this be dealt in your household, and how would your relationship with your child change?
I am not a parent but I think that if I found out someone in my family was gay I would try to be respectful of their lifestyle choice. You can change who someone is. You just have to accept that they have the right to choose who they want to be. You can either accept who they are and be a part of their life, or you cannot. I'm not a parent though, it is probably much tougher to do in reality.
Whoever my kids choose for a significant other, of whichever gender, will still be welcomed as part of the family for as long as said son or daughter wants them there. All I ask is that s/he treat my son or daughter with the respect and tenderness that s/he deserves. Maybe my perspective will change as my kids get older, it will get some emotion to it, but I don't think my ultimate reaction would change.
This is actually a discussion that has come up a lot in my personal life recently, namely because I have become very good friends with the mother of some of my high school friends (yep, I'm friends with all four of her kids). She was raised in a good Mormon family, and in turn has raised her family the same way -- and her oldest son is gay. It's very interesting to hear from his mother and closest confidante about the issues he has gone through as a result of growing up gay in an extremely conservative area, as well as her reactions and feelings as well. The general consensus is, who would choose something that's going to result in a lot of bias and misery? He was even engaged to a woman once, but thankfully chose to be true to himself rather than trying to live a lie that would have hurt them both.
Hello Janikon, I would like to input on your question on how parents should Handle a child that is homosexual; I strongly agree with what everyone else has to say though sadly I think the main problem of the stigma has to do with 'religious upbringing.' ...and yes to this I feel there has been absolutely no progression... of cause Not all will fit within this category however, I do feel that this is the major factor...
I only wish that things would change as this has been a concurrent controversial subject throughout history. If people are attracted to the same sex I say - "Let It be!" I don't think that God would of created human beings in the first place with free-will then turn against them because of their free will- if this makes sense?
Free will means freedom of choice though I didn't say that homosexuality was a choice - I think it is there already 'within' the individual. Why would God create human-beings that would so call fail his/her commandments? He/she must of known that there would be so called many culprits to this so called sin and also sin of not being a christian/catholic. Hell must be very popular...
Though having to "come out" and live that lifestyle freely is an entirely different avenue that some choose not to as its still too taboo and stigmatised within society. I too thought that maybe things had progressed, but hell no not within the 'religious groups.'
I can Only say that I hope for things to progress... I do feel that sooner or later things will take a turn in every direction on this earth in order to make a re-adjustment of the old ways, and that Life itself will have 'Evolved' into a New Era of Truth, Harmony, Peace and Acceptance...
I have 3 son's and i have always said i would't care if they was gay. They will still be my son's to me and still be the same person. They know they could come to me and tell me and i would not batter an eye lid! x
I would accept and love them as usual. A person is not defined by their sexual preferences, and a child is no less worthy of love based on such a trait.
It is a very hard decision for me to decide if I ever have to face with this. Im still clueless as you are.
I love questions like this because you get to see people's true colors. I would love my daughter/son just the same , like most of the comments. I also agree with Marie-Anne LeClerc (great name,by the way) about the free will and the religious upbringing thing. I think that the world would be quite boring if everyone was the same. There would be no eclecticism or original train of thought, which is where people like us (writers) thrive. You know!
To start with, being a gay or lesbian is never a "choice" and will never be! - I don't think parents will understand that. We all know that it can be inherited and/or because of the input of enviromental influences. Yeah it is like a disease infectious and severe, if you like. Although some have claimed that it is curable, it is really not curable. I personally don't like the idea that parents will send their child to a place like this or to have their child talk to a therapist wishing that they will change. First, gay people are "normal" and by law have to respected. Anyway, coming out with a gay child is of course difficult at first, but one has to understand their shoes. Another thing, I don't think that asking a child whether he is gay or not is appropriate either. Let him have space and time to think and at a right he will come to you and say what he feels he is. It is a responsibility of a parent to guide and protect their children from harm, bullies and etc, by all means. But it is also a responsible of the parent to love their children regardless of their sexuality. Once, you accept him you're relationship will change - from close to closer! However, parents who have never understand this has resulted their child to moved to rural areas or leave and completely forget them, which is really not good. Being gay is not bad at all for as long as he is quite respectable and educated - that's it.
I hope that helps!
I know first hand that being gay is NOT a choice! I have gay family members and watched them literally be mentally tortured because they couldn't understand why they could not like the opposite sex and be so called "Normal" (according to society). It breaks my heart to see someone who is a homosexual to be afraid to be themselves.
Society and the church has ruined them emotionally. Man has taken the Bible out of context totally. Homosexuality is a sin according to the Bible, right? Well, so is: cheating, lying, stealing etc. I don't see the church turn away people or condemn them to hell because A man cheated on his wife or someone stole something from the store. Why is it that people don't condemn them the way they do homosexuals?
Sorry if anyone doesn't agree, but I know a lot of gay people that will bend over backwards to help someone in need. I've met some of the nicest and sweetest people that contribute to society more than someone who is straight.
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