Can someone truly love you, if they don’t understand you?

Jump to Last Post 1-10 of 10 discussions (34 posts)
  1. H.C Porter profile image80
    H.C Porterposted 9 years ago

    In love anything goes right? Well what happens when two people end up together and it is realized that-OH Sh*t, my spouse doesn’t really know me-and worse than that-I don’t think that it bothers them, that they don’t really know who I am.

    So the question is this-
    Can another human being love you-if they don’t understand you?

    1. drej2522 profile image81
      drej2522posted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I love you Porter...and I don't even KNOW you. tongue

      1. H.C Porter profile image80
        H.C Porterposted 9 years agoin reply to this

        oh well, THANK YOU big_smile

    2. rebekahELLE profile image87
      rebekahELLEposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      sure they can. on the same note, I don't think anyone can truly understand the heart of another, not completely. there is too much even we don't understand about ourselves? 

      I was reading something earlier today about relationships and the author was saying that relationships often start falling apart because couples do not say their true feelings or they communicate them in the wrong way. I guess it's learning how to communicate with each other and making some sacrifices, doing things for each other~~ and the love grows.

  2. profile image0
    Crazdwriterposted 9 years ago

    Yes...my husband doesn't completely understand me nor I am but we love each other. A relationship is ever growing where one another are always learning new things about the other person. Even years from now you won't know everything about each other and will continiously learn new things that makes you fall in love with that person again and again.

    1. H.C Porter profile image80
      H.C Porterposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Does he take an interest in the things that you enjoy? Or do you live your life and he lives his?

      1. profile image0
        Crazdwriterposted 9 years agoin reply to this

        We actually enjoy things together as well as apart. He is into SCUBA diving where I am not so he does that and I am more into the writing so I do the conferences and he does his scroll sawing smile so it's 50/50 for both

        1. H.C Porter profile image80
          H.C Porterposted 9 years agoin reply to this

          I'm not really liking my husband too much lately-any time I try to say anything about myself (in a sharing kind of way) he doesn’t hear me-or he interrupts me about something totally off the subject-not having a thing to do with anything I was trying to talk to him about... He never notices or ever asks me to finish what I was saying...

  3. profile image0
    Scott.Lifeposted 9 years ago

    Have you ever thought part of what he loves about you are those things he doesn't understand or know?

    1. profile image0
      Crazdwriterposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      No never thought about it like that, Scott....very interesting thought...

      1. profile image0
        Scott.Lifeposted 9 years agoin reply to this

        There are hundreds of little things I've never understood about girls I've loved. Little quirks and things that made them who they are that I had no knowledge of. Finding out why they did what they did or said certain words or held a pen a certain way, or pulled their legs underneath them when they watched Grey's Anatomy. These things made no sense but I knew there was a reason. As time went by the little things I didn't know made me love them more. Finding out the story behind them was like seeing another section of their heart unlocked to me and opened. It was better then Christmas...damn I am pathetic sounding tonight.

        1. profile image0
          Crazdwriterposted 9 years agoin reply to this

          You are not sounding pathetic at all, Scott. you are one of the few guys out there who want to actually understand the woman better so that you have a more meaningful relationship. You are a sweet guy, Scott.

          1. H.C Porter profile image80
            H.C Porterposted 9 years agoin reply to this

            i agree

          2. profile image0
            Scott.Lifeposted 9 years agoin reply to this

            I see what HC is saying because I've been on the giving end. My ex spent so much time involved in what I wanted that as she matured and started to have ideas and plans of her own, I actually resented her for it, like she had somehow betrayed what we had started. Really the only one changing was me. I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed her and was grateful to share a life with her instead thinking how dare she question me.

    2. H.C Porter profile image80
      H.C Porterposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Ive kind of thought about it- just seams like we are more so co-existing together...But nothing more.

      1. profile image0
        Scott.Lifeposted 9 years agoin reply to this

        Have you told him? You should. Trust me when I say sometimes we just don't know or understand what's important to you. Sometimes we get so hung up on what we're thinking about and wanting that we forget that there are two people involved. Sometimes we get so afraid of things not working that we focus on maintaining the stauts quo.

  4. profile image0
    Crazdwriterposted 9 years ago

    I'm sorry H.C I think it's time to just sit down and start talking, sharing... and if he interupts you just hold up a hand and tell him that you feel like he is pushing you away

    1. H.C Porter profile image80
      H.C Porterposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I have a feeling that the issues I have with our relationship is more/less my fault. I let my world revolve around him when we first started dating-and let certain parts of me stand on the back burner (so to speak)... And now-I am attempting to get back the parts of me that I miss-and back to doing the things that I use to do quite often-that make me who I am.

      1. rebekahELLE profile image87
        rebekahELLEposted 9 years agoin reply to this

        I think that happens often in a relationship/marriage. try telling him your feelings, he doesn't know unless you tell him, nicely. he may be feeling like he is doing something wrong and doesn't want to talk, men need a lead when talking about feelings. it's not always easy for them.

      2. drej2522 profile image81
        drej2522posted 9 years agoin reply to this

        That's good...you should be who you want to be...you'll just be miserable if you don't. I know this by experience. Eariler in my life, I was spending more time trying to appease everyone else around me that never stopped to consider what I really wanted. As a result, I am now (slowly) realizing who I am.

        1. H.C Porter profile image80
          H.C Porterposted 9 years agoin reply to this

          I would never expect or want for him to be anyone, other than who he is... But like Scott said-maybe he resents me for wanting to put myself first every so often?

          1. profile image0
            Scott.Lifeposted 9 years agoin reply to this

            You're going to have to say something or the tension will tear the relationship apart. You may be surprised by his reply or even the feelings behind it. People in relationships make too many assumptions about what the other wants, because they feel like they should automatically know, if they really loved them. Its alot of pressure to be honest.

            1. H.C Porter profile image80
              H.C Porterposted 9 years agoin reply to this

              Maybe Im not saying the right thing-cause the words I have come up with, havent gotten me anywhere. Ive approached it as a we kind of thing not as a me or you...

              1. profile image0
                Crazdwriterposted 9 years agoin reply to this

                Before he comes home write out what you want to say or practice talking to yourself. it's what I do when I want to talk to my husband and what my mom does when she needs to talk to my grandma..

              2. profile image0
                Scott.Lifeposted 9 years agoin reply to this

                Sounds like its time to be blunt. tell him his attitude is hurting you and it has to stop, don't go as far as to say or else, but you need to be firm that you've reached a limit. You have as much of a right to be heard as he. Whether you realize it you are the woman and a good looking one by the look of it, the power and leverage is yours just think about it. Either you've had enough and this has to stop or not?

  5. sannyasinman profile image60
    sannyasinmanposted 9 years ago

    Yes, indeed.

    1. profile image0
      Scott.Lifeposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Agreed

  6. H.C Porter profile image80
    H.C Porterposted 9 years ago

    In all honesty this is what is going on-
    My husband falls asleep 6 or of the 7 nights of the week in the living room-and won’t get up and come to bed.
    He comes home late-and feels no need to update me on when he will be home.
    He comes home-goes outside into his shop and that's it. If I’m lucky he'll spend 10 minutes with the kids before they go to bed
    Halloween/he said he would catch up to us trick or treating-never did.
    His entire family came over on Halloween-I asked him to help me in the house-he told me 5 minutes---an hour later...He was nowhere to be found.
    When I said something to him-he grabbed me by the arm and told me not to embarrass him in front of his family (this was before anyone had arrived)
    A week before this we were arguing about something-and when I said- don’t talk to me like that, you don’t own me. He replied, NO?- then get the F*ck out (this was at midnight)
    He's done a complete flip on me and I don’t understand it-didn’t see it coming and he doesn’t seem to care that it hurts...
    So what should I do???

  7. profile image0
    Crazdwriterposted 9 years ago

    I think it is time for some serious talk that or time to visit a therapist, chica..I know he may drag his feet but it might help you guys.

  8. drej2522 profile image81
    drej2522posted 9 years ago

    I don't understand why...that's human nature, isn't it? to think about yourself every now and then? because who is going to care more about you more than..you?

    1. H.C Porter profile image80
      H.C Porterposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Because I never have put myself first. It was him-then him and the kids... For example-we had been dating 2 or 3 months when he shared with me that he had fallen behind on his mortgage. I sold one of my cars-and gave him the $$$ with no expectations attached-just because I figured him keeping his home was more important than anything I would on used the car or the $$$ for. I never pushed my ideas-always went with his... But within the past year or so...Ive become more vocal-and he doesnt seem to appreciate it. I  get those shut up looks... sad

  9. profile image0
    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 9 years ago

    i BELIEVE NO..BUT i BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT , IF IT IS YOUR SOUL MATE, AND WE ONLY GET ONE SOUL MATE PER LIFE ( EACH LIFE )...MOST OF THE TIME, LOVE WITHOUT REALLY KNOWING SOMEONE LEADS TO CONSTANT FIGHTING AND CONSTANT WANTING TO CHANGE ONE , THE OTHER, OR BOTH..AND WE ALL KNOW THAT NEVER WORKS!

    1. H.C Porter profile image80
      H.C Porterposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I agree-Ive said quite often that in a relationship yo should not set expectations for someone to meet-they may not be able to fill that mold you've created which will result in fights and in retrospect they will always seem to be less in your eyes-and for no fault of their own...

  10. H.C Porter profile image80
    H.C Porterposted 9 years ago

    gotta go-he's home... We will see... smile

 
working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)