Can someone truly love you, if they don’t understand you?

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   H.C Porterposted 15 years ago

   In love anything goes right? Well what happens when two people end up together and it is realized that-OH Sh*t, my spouse doesn’t really know me-and worse than that-I don’t think that it bothers them, that they don’t really know who I am.
   
   So the question is this-
   Can another human being love you-if they don’t understand you?

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      drej2522posted 15 years agoin reply to this

      I love you Porter...and I don't even KNOW you.

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         H.C Porterposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         oh well, THANK YOU

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      rebekahELLEposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      sure they can. on the same note, I don't think anyone can truly understand the heart of another, not completely. there is too much even we don't understand about ourselves? 
      
      I was reading something earlier today about relationships and the author was saying that relationships often start falling apart because couples do not say their true feelings or they communicate them in the wrong way. I guess it's learning how to communicate with each other and making some sacrifices, doing things for each other~~ and the love grows.

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   Crazdwriterposted 15 years ago

   Yes...my husband doesn't completely understand me nor I am but we love each other. A relationship is ever growing where one another are always learning new things about the other person. Even years from now you won't know everything about each other and will continiously learn new things that makes you fall in love with that person again and again.

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      H.C Porterposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Does he take an interest in the things that you enjoy? Or do you live your life and he lives his?

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         Crazdwriterposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         We actually enjoy things together as well as apart. He is into SCUBA diving where I am not so he does that and I am more into the writing so I do the conferences and he does his scroll sawing so it's 50/50 for both

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            H.C Porterposted 15 years agoin reply to this

            I'm not really liking my husband too much lately-any time I try to say anything about myself (in a sharing kind of way) he doesn’t hear me-or he interrupts me about something totally off the subject-not having a thing to do with anything I was trying to talk to him about... He never notices or ever asks me to finish what I was saying...

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   Scott.Lifeposted 15 years ago

   Have you ever thought part of what he loves about you are those things he doesn't understand or know?

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      Crazdwriterposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      No never thought about it like that, Scott....very interesting thought...

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         Scott.Lifeposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         There are hundreds of little things I've never understood about girls I've loved. Little quirks and things that made them who they are that I had no knowledge of. Finding out why they did what they did or said certain words or held a pen a certain way, or pulled their legs underneath them when they watched Grey's Anatomy. These things made no sense but I knew there was a reason. As time went by the little things I didn't know made me love them more. Finding out the story behind them was like seeing another section of their heart unlocked to me and opened. It was better then Christmas...damn I am pathetic sounding tonight.

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            Crazdwriterposted 15 years agoin reply to this

            You are not sounding pathetic at all, Scott. you are one of the few guys out there who want to actually understand the woman better so that you have a more meaningful relationship. You are a sweet guy, Scott.

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               H.C Porterposted 15 years agoin reply to this

               i agree

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               Scott.Lifeposted 15 years agoin reply to this

               I see what HC is saying because I've been on the giving end. My ex spent so much time involved in what I wanted that as she matured and started to have ideas and plans of her own, I actually resented her for it, like she had somehow betrayed what we had started. Really the only one changing was me. I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed her and was grateful to share a life with her instead thinking how dare she question me.

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      H.C Porterposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Ive kind of thought about it- just seams like we are more so co-existing together...But nothing more.

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         Scott.Lifeposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         Have you told him? You should. Trust me when I say sometimes we just don't know or understand what's important to you. Sometimes we get so hung up on what we're thinking about and wanting that we forget that there are two people involved. Sometimes we get so afraid of things not working that we focus on maintaining the stauts quo.

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   Crazdwriterposted 15 years ago

   I'm sorry H.C I think it's time to just sit down and start talking, sharing... and if he interupts you just hold up a hand and tell him that you feel like he is pushing you away

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      H.C Porterposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      I have a feeling that the issues I have with our relationship is more/less my fault. I let my world revolve around him when we first started dating-and let certain parts of me stand on the back burner (so to speak)... And now-I am attempting to get back the parts of me that I miss-and back to doing the things that I use to do quite often-that make me who I am.

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         rebekahELLEposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         I think that happens often in a relationship/marriage. try telling him your feelings, he doesn't know unless you tell him, nicely. he may be feeling like he is doing something wrong and doesn't want to talk, men need a lead when talking about feelings. it's not always easy for them.

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         drej2522posted 15 years agoin reply to this

         That's good...you should be who you want to be...you'll just be miserable if you don't. I know this by experience. Eariler in my life, I was spending more time trying to appease everyone else around me that never stopped to consider what I really wanted. As a result, I am now (slowly) realizing who I am.

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            H.C Porterposted 15 years agoin reply to this

            I would never expect or want for him to be anyone, other than who he is... But like Scott said-maybe he resents me for wanting to put myself first every so often?

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               Scott.Lifeposted 15 years agoin reply to this

               You're going to have to say something or the tension will tear the relationship apart. You may be surprised by his reply or even the feelings behind it. People in relationships make too many assumptions about what the other wants, because they feel like they should automatically know, if they really loved them. Its alot of pressure to be honest.

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                  H.C Porterposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                  Maybe Im not saying the right thing-cause the words I have come up with, havent gotten me anywhere. Ive approached it as a we kind of thing not as a me or you...

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                     Crazdwriterposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                     Before he comes home write out what you want to say or practice talking to yourself. it's what I do when I want to talk to my husband and what my mom does when she needs to talk to my grandma..

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                     Scott.Lifeposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                     Sounds like its time to be blunt. tell him his attitude is hurting you and it has to stop, don't go as far as to say or else, but you need to be firm that you've reached a limit. You have as much of a right to be heard as he. Whether you realize it you are the woman and a good looking one by the look of it, the power and leverage is yours just think about it. Either you've had enough and this has to stop or not?

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   sannyasinmanposted 15 years ago

   Yes, indeed.

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      Scott.Lifeposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Agreed

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   H.C Porterposted 15 years ago

   In all honesty this is what is going on-
   My husband falls asleep 6 or of the 7 nights of the week in the living room-and won’t get up and come to bed.
   He comes home late-and feels no need to update me on when he will be home.
   He comes home-goes outside into his shop and that's it. If I’m lucky he'll spend 10 minutes with the kids before they go to bed
   Halloween/he said he would catch up to us trick or treating-never did.
   His entire family came over on Halloween-I asked him to help me in the house-he told me 5 minutes---an hour later...He was nowhere to be found.
   When I said something to him-he grabbed me by the arm and told me not to embarrass him in front of his family (this was before anyone had arrived)
   A week before this we were arguing about something-and when I said- don’t talk to me like that, you don’t own me. He replied, NO?- then get the F*ck out (this was at midnight)
   He's done a complete flip on me and I don’t understand it-didn’t see it coming and he doesn’t seem to care that it hurts...
   So what should I do???

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   Crazdwriterposted 15 years ago

   I think it is time for some serious talk that or time to visit a therapist, chica..I know he may drag his feet but it might help you guys.

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   drej2522posted 15 years ago

   I don't understand why...that's human nature, isn't it? to think about yourself every now and then? because who is going to care more about you more than..you?

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      H.C Porterposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Because I never have put myself first. It was him-then him and the kids... For example-we had been dating 2 or 3 months when he shared with me that he had fallen behind on his mortgage. I sold one of my cars-and gave him the $$$ with no expectations attached-just because I figured him keeping his home was more important than anything I would on used the car or the $$$ for. I never pushed my ideas-always went with his... But within the past year or so...Ive become more vocal-and he doesnt seem to appreciate it. I  get those shut up looks...

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   B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

   i BELIEVE NO..BUT i BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT , IF IT IS YOUR SOUL MATE, AND WE ONLY GET ONE SOUL MATE PER LIFE ( EACH LIFE )...MOST OF THE TIME, LOVE WITHOUT REALLY KNOWING SOMEONE LEADS TO CONSTANT FIGHTING AND CONSTANT WANTING TO CHANGE ONE , THE OTHER, OR BOTH..AND WE ALL KNOW THAT NEVER WORKS!

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      H.C Porterposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      I agree-Ive said quite often that in a relationship yo should not set expectations for someone to meet-they may not be able to fill that mold you've created which will result in fights and in retrospect they will always seem to be less in your eyes-and for no fault of their own...

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    H.C Porterposted 15 years ago

    gotta go-he's home... We will see...

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